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Need some support...Vent and LONG!
hey ladies,I know I dont post often, but I am on the board everyday via my phone, but responding on my phone is a huge pain, so I dont usually take the the time to respond. I just need a little support and reassurance, and it's late, and since DH is asleep, I figured I would come here to just get my feelings about this matter out.
I started feeling the baby move on may 4th, exactly. I have felt the baby move since then, every day in fact, and lately I've started to just get a little concerned because I've noticed that there doesn't seem to be a "progression" in the strength of the kicks and movements. Also, I dont feel like I'm gaining any weight. I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and sure I have a bump, but I dont feel like it's as big as it should be. Some people would call that lucky, I however, am concerned over it. I feel like considering the fact that it's been a couple weeks since I felt the baby move, that I should be feeling it stronger by now, at least a little bit anyway, and I will admit, I am, but I feel like it should be more. And maybe it's just me being paranoid, but I can't help it.
Anyway, so because I couldn't go to sleep, I call my 24 hour nurse's line, just to see what they had to say. First, I get through to a nurse who I briefly explain my concerns to (I say briefly because she cut me off at a certain point just asking my name and number - rudely - and then abruptly said -"Someone will call you back." and then she hung up). and then about 7 minutes later, I get the call back, by a nurse who you can tell is dead tired and clearly NOT wanting to do her job, and I start explaining my concerns to her, and at this point, I feel awful because I feel like I'm bugging them. (But why should a patient feel that way about a 24 F*ing nurse's line that has assured you time and time again that "if you have any questions or concerns about ANYTHING - please dont hesitate to call us!" Anyway, here's how the conversation went:
Nurse: :::groggy/tired tone of voice::: "Hi this is susie (dont remember name) with the 24 hour nurse's line, how can I help you?"
Me: "Hi my name is Megan and I'm about 18 weeks and 5 days along now, and I realize that this isn't a huge emergency but I'm just a little concerned. (I explain to her my concern) .... "and I'm just worried because I feel like I should be feeling it move a lot more by now.
Nurse: ::RUDELY:: "well it's because you're only 18 1/2 weeks."
Me: "I know, but I have a daughter and she was born early and only 5 lbs...."
- INTERRUPTED
Nurse: "But most women dont even feel the baby move by 18 weeks (NOT true!) and you wont start feeling it move more regularly until you're about 24 weeks."
Me: "I understand, I'm just concerned because I've already had a daughter and ...
" INTERRUPTED AGAIN -
Nurse: "Well it's not uncommon for women to not feel the baby move regularly this early." (Again, not true.)
Me: "Well, I was just concerned, but thank you for your help. (I should've said it like "thank you for your 'help' " but didn't think of it til now.)
:::brief silence:::
Nurse: "Okay..."
Me: "Thanks, bye./You're a B* and you were no help AT ALL and I didn't call to hear about how "MOST women are doing or feeling at 18 weeks, I called about ME. Megan. and MY baby. I'm sorry that you clearly hate your job and dont want to do it correctly, but you have now not only caused me to sit in tears, but you have made an already concerned, pregnant woman even more concerned and stressed - which wont help her baby that she is already concerned about. I was hoping I could schedule an appointment with my doctor through you for tomorrow for a quick ultrasound just to make sure everything is on the up and up, even if it might not be necessary. They dont call it the Motherly instinct for no damn reason."
Okay, I didn't say that whole last part, I just said "Thanks Bye." but I really wanted to say all of that. I could tell that SHE could tell that she made me very upset, and that she was of absolutely NO help at all, and that she was a B*.
Anyway, sorry about the vent, I just really needed to get that all out. I'm probably going to call back tomorrow as I'm having mild cramping, which could probably be just my uterus stretching even more, (that'd be great!) and I dont have any bleeding or anything, but I can't figure out why I have this concern in the back of my head, and THAT is what concerns me.
If you've read this far, thanks. As I've seen on other boards lately...
"have a cookie." 
)
Re: Need some support...Vent and LONG!
ETA - Lily was born a week early (full term) at only 5lbs. 11 oz. Also, there was something wrong with her umbilical cord and placenta, and I didn't feel her move AT.ALL for an entire day and was stupid and waited until I got home from work to call the doctor. They told me to come in to the hospital to get checked out. Get to hospital, they find heartbeat on Lily but can't explain why she isn't moving. I begin to feel her move, and they do an ultrasound to measure her. when she measured only 5 lbs., they decided to induce me because they were concerned that that was too small for a full term baby, and that something might be wrong and she isn't getting enough nutrients and could possibly start to lose weight instead of gain weight. When I explained all of this to my new doctor, she showed the same concern and said we would have a routine ultrasound at every appointment following my big ultrasound at 20 weeks (June 11th.)
Hence my concern for the lack of movement that I feel like should already be having. Had the rude nurse let me get a word in edgewise, maybe she wouldn't think that my concerns were so trivial.
again, sorry about the long post. I guess this makes up for my lack of posting lately.
i'm sure the baby's fine. i felt jameson early on but he isn't much of a mover in general some days he's moving like crazy and other days not so much. you probably have your placenta in a different spot than you did when you had lily.
you're right the nurse should've listened to your concerns and honestly when you call your doctors office today i'd complain about her she was rude and dismissive and that was uncalled for ((hugs))
I know you are worried and paranoid, all moms are, but the nurse wasn't wrong when she said that most moms don't feel their babies regularly until 24 weeks. There is no reason for concern at this point if you are not feeling the baby move everyday. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth.
I also know that you aren't most moms and you are concerned for yourself and your baby b/c of your history. You have to trust that your doctor is doing what he can to make sure everything is fine. I'm glad you already have a plan for after 20 weeks. Right now thought, what could they do even if something was wrong? That's what I always used to ask myself when I found myself in these situations during my pregnancies.
That being said, she didn't have to be rude. All she needed to say was that you should call the doctor in the morning if you feel like something is wrong.
The oncall nurse is for emergencies. They are typically talking to you from their cell phones while at home w/ their families. There isn't anything she could have really done except be less rude.
I hope that the doctor will see you to ease your mind, but next time I'd skip the oncall nurse unless their is an emergency.
I agree with Tiff. I didnt feel Emmy move everyday and she didnt move much at all. I know it is hard not to compare this babe with Lily but each pregnancy is different.
Sorry you had to deal with the nasty nurse, I would have said the things that you posted to her!
Let us know how everything goes.
Baby #2 - D&E - 10/1/10 @ 19w2d - thanatophoric dysplasia confirmed.
Charlotte Lillian will be forever in our hearts.
Baby #3 - Little Bean - natural miscarriage - 1/17/11 @ 5w5d
update:I called my OB today and spoke with her nurse Jennifer who has helped me in the past when I had a lot of brown spotting in the beginning. She listened to my whole concern and agreed that I am not like "most moms" (not because I'm an individual person, with individual needs) but because I have a history now with having a small baby, and some complications that were the cause of that.
She reassured me that even though I dont feel like I've gained weight in the last couple weeks since my appointment, that my baby is fine, and really, it varies woman to woman as far as how "regular" you feel the baby, and you shouldn't just generalize. I actually have been feeling the baby move regularly since the 4th of this month, so I am going by that. If I feel like there has been a 'slow down' then I'm going to be concerned. She was really helpful in the end, and she also directed me to the office manager to file a complaint about the midwife that I spoke with last night. I just got off the phone with the office manager and she apologized to me for the midwife, and agreed that we as the patients are told time and time again that "if you have ANY concern at all, please feel free and dont hesitate to call us." and then when someone DOES call with a seemingly 'trivial' concern (in the eyes of the practitioner) and the patient gets treated like crap - that's not fair, and it didn't help me at all.
I honestly dont care if my concern seemed trivial or not, or if "most women this, or that or the other thing." I was genuinely concerned for MY baby's health, and I dont care if she's calling me from a cell phone in the middle of the night from her house or if she's calling from the doctor's office itself - you as the practitioner have an obligation to be kind and sympathetic to your patients needs because A. the patient knows WAY less than you do. B. They know their own bodies better than the practitioner does and if there's a concern, there's a reason for it. C. if you got into this profession knowing that you might have to do on-call duty at night - suck it up and do your job.
I'm really not trying to be a B* here, but you dont treat people that way and just write-off their concerns as if they mean nothing to you. Obviously I know they couldn't have done anything for me, like induce. All I was thinking was that I could possibly go in and have an u/s done just to make sure the baby was actually growing on schedule, but Jennifer assured me today that that wasn't necessary yet until after 20 weeks, which is fine-that's all I wanted to hear! However, what if I went in, and there was something wrong with the baby? Even though they can't induce, they could possibly put me on bedrest to help, and instruct me to do things differently or possibly give me meds depending on the situation.
The point is, I had a genuine concern, it was to the point that it was keeping me awake and really worrying me, it was not addressed properly the first time, it COULD have been an emergency, (it wasn't), and in the end everything was resolved.