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cranky or correct?
I'm trying to get a handle on what is normal. (and if I'm just being cranky... or this is a legit concern).
How many evenings does your DH do something "fun" (his own thing, without you, ie: happy hour, sport activities, etc)
DH plays basketball after work on Mondays, soccer practice on Tuesday Wednesday and Thursdays. He generally doesn't get home until around 8:30 or 9pm. Then I scramble for dinner and we go to sleep.
Then there are games on Friday nights (late) so he comes home after work and we go to the games together. He also does games on Sundays but I don't "count" the Friday and Sunday games because we at least go together - even if he's playing.
I know sports are important to him but it feels like I never see him. He's mentioned how important and how much he loves being able to play so much because he knows it will change someday when we have kids. Just because we don't have kids doens't mean I'm not interested in seeing him.
I want him to have fun and enjoy sports... but does this seem excessive or am I being a cranky wife???
Re: cranky or correct?
i would not personally like this, and i wouldn't like going to his games every friday and sunday, either. maybe if i had some cool friends to hang out with while i was there; otherwise, i'd be bored stiff. but i don't like sports. except maybe a hockey game with a couple of good fights. anyway, that seems excessive. saturday seems like the only real day you guys get to spend together. that sucks.
my dh has a class on tuesday evenings (he's there now!), and it lasts until around 11-11:30pm. afterwards, the class members all go to the next door pizza place for a while, and then he and his car pool buddy like to stop at IHOP on the way home. so he doesn't get in until 2 or 2:30am. i don't particularly like it because he invariably wakes me up when he gets home, and i have to get up at 6am. but he enjoys it, and he's here almost all the rest of the time, so i don't mind.
oh, and i wouldn't like that dinner at 9 thing, either. ick.
eta: lol! i just re-read this, and i would vote myself "cranky"! (and correct! well, at least for me...)
update... with a full blown vent below:
after we slammed down some pizza for dinner I mentioned how I hate that we don't spend enough time together, and how he chooses sports instead of coming home and although I appreciate his love for sports - it was excessive.
I honestly feel like the only time we 'connect' is Saturdays and I find myself wishing for Saturdays all week because of this. I told him I felt like we weren't connecting like we used to - and I wanted that spark back. After I spilled my guts he just kept staring at the TV. Not one word. Zero response.
I got super pissed and walked out of the room and went to take a bath. He popped his head in later to bring me a towel and I asked "so we're not talking???" He acted all surprised like "whaaaaaa???" and I told him to leave me alone... so he does. Then he comes back in and says he might need to scale and it down a day or so and that he would "think about it".
hmmmm. thinking about it... awesome. I feel so loved and appreciated.
grumble grumble grumble DH grumble DH grumble.
...and he wonders why I just want to go to sleep as soon as we get into bed every night...
"The House We Built."
A journey of building the dream.
Eh, I think you are overreacting. But my DH is busy a lot and I get used to it. I actually like the time to myself.
DH coaches little league baseball and usually has a game or practice Monday nights. Then he plays on a basketball team at work and that is usually afterwork on Tuesdays. Then he is on a rec league basketball game and that has games on Wednesdays. Thursdays he usually has a little league game or practice. On Fridays there might be a game, might not. Saturdays during the day he will have little league game or practice. Sundays are totally free for him.
I go to most all his games whether its baseball or basketball and take a book during down times. Once we have kids though, I really don't see his schedule changing much but he might not play every basketball league "season".
TTC #2: m/c 01/18/13 @7 weeks
I'm still trying to find the "right" one to recommend, but I have read a handful of books on love/ marriage. I recommend checking a few out during the time he's gone. I'm not saying you're wrong by any means, I pretty much agree with you. But books can help you communicate with him in a way he understands, and give you a better perspective of the way he is thinking.
The only reason I say this is bc he stares at the tv for a reason that you don't understand and he doesn't understand why you're mad and walk away. It gave me a totally different perspective on how to work with DH.
Please don't take this as psycho-babble BS- just one newlywed to another.
That would bother me too (pre-baby as well), and I'm pretty laid back. DH & I both have committments that take place in the evenings, but those are generally only monthly. I would be okay with my DH being gone once or twice a week, but definitely not every night.
very excessive in my opinion. When do you have time to focus on your marriage and intimacy? DH used to have "man time" once or twice a week (and twice was an exception, not the rule) before we had a kid...now it's more like once a month. Not because of any "rules" but because we both agreed that maintaining our relationship and closeness was a priority, and that takes time and effort.
And hell-to-the-no regarding waiting on his @ss for dinner at 9 p.m. You want to stay out all evening DH? Fine. I'll eat by myself and be climbing in bed when you get home. Figure it out yourself, focker.
I agree with the others that it seems like a bit much. But then, we're not very active people in general and the best part of our weekday is when we get to sit on the couch and just be and not do anything. We're both more of the stay-home and veg out types. When I was taking ballet twice a week this spring I felt like I hardly saw DH when I would come home at 8:30 or 9. But I loved it so much and I felt so much better about life in general when I had that to look forward to every week. So I can understand your DH wanting to do something that gets his mind off his responsibilities for an hour or two. But I think the frequency might be a bit much and he should be on his own for dinner.
I think my DH has the same issue about wanting to get as much "fun" stuff in now before we have kids. Except his relates more to buying stuff and not as much about time.
BFP 12.20.2010 :: missed m/c 1/2011 around 8 weeks
BFP @ 9dpo 5.24.2011 :: missed m/c 6/2011 around 7 weeks
positive for ANAs (1:40) with a speckled pattern
MTHFR c677t mutation (heterozygous)
*folic acid, baby asprin, Prometrium, acupuncture, Lovenox*
BFP @ 9dpo 2.1.2012 || HCG = 8 : Progesterone = 19.2
2nd HCG @ 11dpo = 40 || 3rd HCG @ 21dpo = over 5000!
Stick, little one, stick! EDD October 15, 2012
I think it's too much. You have ONE DAY out of the whole week to spend quality time together. I also wouldn't wait for him to have dinner.
That being said, before kids, DH had band practice, choir practice, band gig, bowling league and kickball. We were on the kickball team together, so that night was okay. I hung out with my sister and/or girlfriends one other night per week, I'd go to wherever the band was playing and see friends and was fine being by myself the other 2 nights. We had a music studio in our house, so rehearsal was there and atleast I got to see him right before and after. If he took a break and came in to say 'hi', I'd usually be crying from watching the ASPCA animal shows or the 'strange baby/child illnesses' shows and he'd just look at me funny, ask why I put myself through the weekly cry session and go back to the studio with his friends.
Now, he still plays with the band, but his current job keeps him out at night until 9:30 or 10. Yeah, we have 2 kids and Sundays are his only days off. It sucks big dogs. I wish he could find a job with normal hours. Even if he wanted to pick up one of his old activities again, atleast we'd still be home together most nights. If the job thing was different and I had a 'right' to complain, he'd be home more, but he'd prefer it that way too.
I have to agree with the others it is a little excessive. We have every Wednesday night to do our own thing. However, i have a meeting on the 1st Tuesday and Thursday of each month but that's it. I don't allow anything else unless very necessary to make its way during our week nights.
GL!
A