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Advice Please!
I know I've mentioned this to a few of you, but I thought I'd open it up to others for some advice.
Background: My sister is getting married in August in Niagra Falls (6+ hours away from us). Aaron can't get off work b/c he is on 'probation' the first 6 months of his job. It is an election year for me and I'm super swamped with work as well. Bottom line is we won't be able to make it. On top of that it is not going to be a cheap trip. After paying to kennel the dog, a MOH dress, hotel room ect... we are looking at well over $1k to go. It is not in our budget right now. We got hit with a few thousand in medical bills when Aaron's insurance wouldn't cover his doctor's visits for his OCD.
We've been telling my sister for months that we would not be attending, but I would still throw her a b-party since she threw one for me. Here are the texts that flew between us the last two times we talked:
L: I will not come to any bachelorette party do not throw me one you're a horrible sister.
Me: That's fine
L: Aaron cares more than you do- I don't want anything from you I spent over $$$$ on yours and i know its not about work
Me: Yes it is about work. Aaron can't get off b/c of his probationary perdiod and I"m the only one who works in my office. It's too long of a trip if we can't get a vacation day.
L: Send me the money I spent on your party. this is the end to our relationship
THEN yesterday I was about an hour away from my parents house because I was traveling for work. She texts me:
L: You were suppose to send me money where is it?
Me: As soon as I get it I will send it to you. We are paying Aaron's medical bills
L: You lie-I can get a check tonight heard you're in town
Me: If you want to look at Aaron's medical bills feel free
L: That's your own fault
Ok. She is really p!$$ing me off. I'm thinking about not giving her the money, but saying I'll still throw her b-party and if she doesn't want me there I just wont show up. Thoughts?
Oh and let me just add this in. Last night my mom called me and told me she is going to take money out of a savings account my grandmother left for me to pay for the hotel room up there regardless of whether or not we go to the wedding and there's nothing I can do about it since she's the trustee on the account. WTF?!?
Thanks for reading. I know this is super long! I'm just at my wits end and have no desire to go visit my family until all this bull-poopie blows over.
Re: Advice Please!
WOW! i am have no clue what to say. i am so sorry you are dealing with this. that is just so sad. we have all said it before, but it blows my mind how people act when it comes to planning a wedding.
i can't believe your mom is doing this. she is feeding into the drama. can you call and cancel the reservation? or bettter yet, have some friends that need a weekend away? see if someone will use it so it won't go to waste. have you spoken to your mother about this?
as for you sister's b-party. i would not do a thing. i know you are trying, but it sounds like you will be wasting your money. as for giving her money for going to your wedding, NO WAY!! don't do that. if she really wanted you there, she would of changed her wedding date to make it work for you when you did not have elections.
don't go into more debt to please her. you need to do what is best for you and aaron. as hard as it is at times.
i am so sorry you are dealing with the BS love. HUGS
I don't even know.... I'm.... shocked. I....
^this is seriously what's going through my brain.
Umm... wtf. You don't owe your sister a D@MN thing! She is being selfish, like... on an insane level. Seriously. She obviously has some bridezilla - wedding - tunnel vision thing going on if she seriously can't understand your own work situation. You certainly don't owe her $$ because she came to your wedding and you can't come to hers. That's so... so.... high school. That may be insulting to high schoolers, actually. If your being there was/is so important, then she should have taken your work schedule into account since you're in a unique work environment. <-being that you're the only one in the office.
& the whole thing with your mom. W.T.F. That is so wrong. I don't understand why she's feeding the drama-fire.
Obviously they are not going to be happy or stop yapping about it unless you say you're going. So say you're going, and don't go. Whatever. I mean... I'm sorry... she's your sister & saying your relationship is over if you aren't there?! It's not like you are just friends, you're FAMILY. How can your relationship be over?
I'm so angry right now! Do I need to get on a plane and explain a few things to them?!
What the hell.
Talk to your mom...say that you really need the money for other things at the moment.
If she still insist of booking and paying for the trip...tell her that she might as well pay for flight and a rental car because that is the only way you will be able to attend.
As for your sister tell her she has 3 options:
1. You attend the wedding, but no bachelorette party if you mom pays for the trip
2. She gets the party, but you don't go to the wedding
3. She sucks on her eyeball, quit her whining and shuts up because you understand that her wedding is important for her, but you just don't have the money to do everything.
I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. Your sister should be encouraging you and understanding you when you need it. Yours and Aaron's jobs are priority number 1 and unfortunately she doesn't understand that right now.
I wouldn't bother throwing her a bachelorette party if you know she won't even show up. And I also wouldn't pay her back for something she gifted you with. That's just ridiculous.
I hope things get better soon between you two and that down the line she understands why you've made your decisions. Don't let her get you down too much Tracey. :::Hugs:::
I agree 100% with Marelina!!
WTF is up with your sister acting that way?! and your mother?! OMG. Very immature if you ask me. your sister is basically having a temper tantrum via texting.
Do NOT give your sister any $$. The $$ she spent to go to your wedding & the $$ she spent to throw you a BParty was her choice. It shouldn't be based on the fact of what she will get in return! I think that totally defeats the purpose of doing nice things for people b/c you love them! ridiculous.
I'm sorry!! I hope things get better!
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This is basically what I wanted to say, but 1000x more eloquent.
i just sent you an email in response to this (among other things)
but sorry you're going thru this crap.
Tracy,
Your sister is being a selfish ***. I wouldn't give her a dime. You don't have to pay her back for anything.
As far as the trust, do you have the message in writing from your mother? If so, I would send a copy of that to whomever is in charge of the trust (the bank) and see if they will not let it happen.
Wow, your sister and mother are being very childish IMO. It sounds to me like they care more about the money than you. I don't think you should give your sister money just for the fact that she demanded you give her money, that is beyond rude!
I could be totally wrong on this, but from her texts it sounds like your sister is young and has no "real world" experience (like dealing with insurance!) Someday the tables will be turned and she will feel like an a$$. There's not really much you can do with your mother, that's a $hitty thing to do. My grandmother left us money but put it in our names cuz she wanted to make sure we got it. I'm really sorry your family is being such a$$hats.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't said sister NOT go to your wedding because of personal issues she had? Maybe I'm confusing her with someone else.
Either way it is completely uncalled for. She is being a selfish little prick and an immature one at that. I wouldn't give her a damn thing.
Yup. That's the same sister. She had midterms or finals or something the week of our wedding.
So sorry! I don't know what I would do in your situation. When you throw someone a party you shouldn't consider that you'll get reimbursed for it if you get angry at the person later, so I really don't think that you owe your sister anything - although I understand if you just want to do it to make peace.
I kind of have a similar thing going on with a cousin's wedding in a couple of weeks, but at least it's easier to ignore b/c my parents and siblings support my decision!!
I know this is a little late as I am just catching up on the weekend's nesting...but I will have to tell you that just about spit my burrito all over my desk when I read this! You have got to be kidding me!?!?!?
If it were me and she contacted me via text again, I would have to send a little text back that states something like "your messages have been blocked by the subscriber at (###) ###-####." Or I would just have to go beat a b!tch down! (just joking...sort of!).
You keep your head up! It's not fair to be ganged-up on...let alone by your own family! Do they really think that they can treat you like this and threaten you and expect that you'll just go and everything will be all fine and dandy/ hugs and kisses/ happy little family??? Do they think that actions like this will just be over-looked? I am just in complete awe!!!
:::cyber-hugging you with all my might!:::
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