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What's your take?
On this:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5jHBCeOmrgRw17lgIO5eGPD33TbnQ
It was posted on one of the side links on the nest and I am curious what you all think as far as division of household duties & work, etc., and how that helps/hurts your marriage.
I'm especially curious to hear from those of you who already have kids?
HH & I are pretty good about both pitching in wherever we see a need. He does most of the laundry (PRAISE THE GOOD LORD ABOVE FOR THAT I ABSOLUTELY DETEST LAUNDRY!!!), and I do the majority of everything else. To me, it's a fair enough trade and a true testament to how much I really DO hate laundry. So MUCH that I'm happily willing to take EVERYTHING else. LOL 
He grew up in a two parent household, where his mother did almost EVERYTHING. I grew up in a single parent household where my sister & I had to help my mom and/or do stuff on our own a LOT. I'm semi old-fashioned, but I get worn out keeping up with the house & my job, and I don't want to be the only one picking up after FIVE people. I feel like I can NEVER stay on top of anything. It's so frustrating.
I'm torn on this issue, and don't feel like I can quite verbalize it the way I see it right now, so I'm going to come back to this. Just was wondering what you all think of it.
Married May 1st, 2010
Re: What's your take?
SUPER interesting!
And it totally makes sense to me. I'm pretty old-fashioned too, but I'm also realistic and know that I can't do it all.
I think a prime example of this is: I want to cook for my husband; I want to have dinner on the table and more often than not, I put it there. I do the planning, shopping, prepping, and cooking. But after all that (and a full day of regular work), I'm exhausted. HH shows his appreciation (and does his share of the pitching in) by cleaning up dinner. Including putting dishes in the dishwasher and putting away leftovers. Works perfectly in our house!
I can say that most of the time, I clean as I go so there isn't a whole lot left for him, but his contribution feels like a life saver to me. It's nice to get off my feet and know that something is being taken care of and it makes me just that much more appreciative of having him around.
For us, I think that's what it comes down to: respect and appreciation. Respect for each others workload and appreciation for their efforts.
The Benhams: Married May 1st, 2010!
That is interesting. DH and I did not live together before we married. We had made a agreement that every other night we will do dishes. So tonight and the sat I will do dishes, tomorrow and sunday DH will and so on. We do our share of house work. I'm still trying to get moved in and we have stuff every where. Between our work schedules and taking care of my daughter, it's hard to unpack and such.
I totally understand about not being the only one picking up after people after a hard day of work. My ex husband was that way. He expected me to do everything. I worked and was pregnant. He just worked and didn't think he needed to clean up. He wanted me to clean up 2 days after having my c-section with my daughter! Obviously this is a reason why we got a divorce.
I believe that if both work then both need to help with household chores and such. If one works and one does not, then I think the one who does not work should do most, not all but most of the chores. The one who works still needs to help. That's just how I feel about it.
his idea of cleaning is not the same as mine. Because of this, and the fact that he works much more than I do, I clean the entire house every week. I also loooove to cook so I cook every night, but that's by choice.
He helps me if I ask, but he works 6-7 days a week while I work 3-4 days a week. It makes sense that I do more housework just because I have more time.
harmony - you have BEES?? wow.
I'm such a control freak that I think HH got used to me doing most of the work. We lived together for 2.5 years before we got married. He will unload the dishwasher if I remind him and occasionally load it (you know it girls, we have the magic touch of packing as much stuff as we can in there), and will clean the bathrooms if I ask him to when I am doing the vacuuming. He'll help clean up the kitchen if he knows I've had a long day, and we both love to cook, so on the weekends if we don't go out, we'll try to cook together and then clean together. I totally wish we had divided up the chores when we started living together, but at that point, I was working only 2 days a week (12 hour shifts) and in school, so I think he sort of thought that I had more time to do it. I really wish I could be a SAHM when the time comes...but no such luck.
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
Yes I do.
I love the girls and if I could name them I would. But they die too soon for that. So I name my Queens!! I teach kids about bees, I have an observation hive that I carry around to schools and what not. You can find me on FB of course as HarmonysHoney 
I grew up in a family where Dad worked and Mom stayed home with us to keep the house and homeschool. HH grew up raised by a single mom who, quite frankly, is not a good housekeeper even now that she's home by herself all of the time. So we both have the idea that we're supposed to do all of the housework! We both work, but he generally works a few more hours a week than I do.
I feel guilty for not having dinner on the table every night and for not keeping a perfect house, because I feel like that's "my job." Matt tries to help, but his system is to let things get horrible and then go on a cleaning frenzy and make everything immaculate. I'm more of a "pick up as I go, but it's never perfect" kind of person. So the end result is that he wants to help, but I never let it get bad enough for him to start cleaning! We're still figuring it out.
I did kind of take issue with this statement in the article: "The lowest-risk combination is one in which the mother does not work and the father engages in the highest level of housework and childcare," the study found. So... if the dad works and does (say) half of the of housework and childcare, the non-working mother only does half of the housework and childcare. And that's her whole contribution? That doesn't seem fair to me. If one spouse works and the other doesn't, the non-working spouse should be doing the majority of the housework, etc. If both spouses work an equal amount, the housework should be split up more or less evenly. I don't think the working spouse should also be on the hook for a significant portion of the chores if the other spouse doesn't have an outside job.
It makes sense that that scenario would lead to the lowest divorce rate, though. Women file for divorce much more often than men do, from what I hear, so a woman who doesn't work or do the lion's share of housework and childcare would have it pretty good.
Yay! I can finally post!
We split things up pretty equally. We both do our own laundry. For dinner, if one person cooks, the other cleans up. If we're having something grilled, he will do the grilling while I do the rest, so he usually cleans up. I do most of the cooking, but that's just because I enjoy and he's not so good at following recipes. I do the grocery shopping but that's because I love it and if he did it, we would spend twice as much. But I make him go to Costco with me because I hate going there and need moral support. Cleaning wise he gets the floors (which I hate), the toilets, and the mirrors and I get the kitchen and bathrooms. We take turns dusting. He feeds the cats, I clean the litter boxes. Overall things are pretty equal and we're both very happy with that.
I'm not working right now and haven't been since we moved in together (I had to quit my job to move across the country for his job). So one would argue I should be doing most of the work, but we both realized it would be too easy to get into the routine where I did it all and it would be hard to break that once I started working and that wouldn't be fair to me.
And quite the necessity when you have children! LOL We love ours!
Married May 1st, 2010
Plan It Bio (5.18.10)! - Plan It Blog (6.2.10)! - May '10 Bio
Right now with both of us working demanding jobs we share the responsibilities. ?We eat out a lot, but usually if I cook, DH will do the dishes, and if DH cooks I'll do the dishes. ?We also share the cleaning. ?In 2 weeks I'll become a SAHW, and I'll do the majority of the cleaning and probably most cooking. ?DH will still probably do the dishes when I cook - or we'll grill out more with being in the new house. ?
I don't mind cooking or cleaning, if I'm not working, so I'm good with it! ?Plus we got an awesome Dyson for our wedding and I can't wait to use it!?