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All the single ladies, all the single ladies... oh wait, that's not me.
HH and I went to high school together and are the first of our friends to get married. And of all those friends, almost all of them are perpetually single. I didn't think anything of it until the past couple weeks...
HH hasn't noticed a difference with the guys, but I've noticed a HUGE difference with the girls.
I still go out with them, but when I do they make comments about me being the "boring old married lady" or stupid stuff like that. I'm still out, I'm still the same person- I don't get it. Sure, I can't talk about where my date took me last night and if he was or wasn't good in bed but I haven't done that for the 8 years that HH and I have been together so what's the big deal now? And maybe I'm more into my kitchen aid mixer than closing down the bars, but I've only been known to do that on seldom occasions anyways 
I think part of the change is me- my priorities are different and I'm not as patient with the crying about the boy of the week- but I think it's them too. It almost feels like resentment... I don't know.
Just wondering- anyone else noticing changes in friendships?
The Benhams: Married May 1st, 2010!
Re: All the single ladies, all the single ladies... oh wait, that's not me.
I'm the first of my friends to get married too. Besides being asked nearly every single day when we plan on having a baby, not too much has changed.
I have noticed that some friends are a tiny bit hesitant to hang out with us sometimes. Like they think that we are always going to want to do things alone now.
I guess that's kinda where I'm at... Not really with the people our age necessarily, but at similar points in life. HH and I were talking about how nice it would be to hang out with other couples and I think what's bugging me is that there's no one around to relate to. It was that way before too, just not as severe as now I guess. hrmph.
The Benhams: Married May 1st, 2010!
HUGE difference and we started noticing it before we even got married....HH is the last of his friends to tie the knot....and....believe it or not....i am the FIRST of mine.....
i get huge resentment from one of my best friends, to the point where we haven't even spoken since our wedding and she announce at the pool "it is very rude that 'someone" that close to me would get engaged after me and take the initiative to get married before me"....ummm, yeah, whatever! not my fault you cheated on your man and he can't forgive you and so you all stay together miserable and engaged for 6 years and he refuses to set a date and you refuse to leave him.
another one of my friends couldn't be happier and she has finally met someone as well that she can see herself settling down with. finger are so crossed for her.
DH and I just don't have the interest anymore in hanging out at the clubs and spending a bunch of money on beer and drinking.
we really need to meet some happy couples we can hang out with but its becoming a little difficult to do. our closest friends live an hour a way and we don't get to see them as much as we would like.
I see what you are saying here. We really don't have any friends who are in relationships. It would be nice to find some "couple" friends who are at a similar stage in life as us.
I lurked a little on my local board recently to see if the ladies over there would be a good fit, but most of them already have several kids. So while the majority of them are married, they are in an entirely different stage in their life.
I also noticed changes before we got married. Honestly, my husband is my best friend and I spend more time with him than anyone else by far! We have a few engaged couples that we'll hang out with some times, but we don't really have "best friends."
And we don't even care. We're happy just doing our thing!
Same here! I'd rather spend time with HH than anyone else anyway!
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
I'm actually the last of my high school friends to get married so they have been giving me a hard time for years about needing to keep up and settle down (we were together 5.5 years before getting married) but my college and other girlfriends are kind of split between serious relationships and perpetually single and they are just surprised to get texts and calls asking what is going on for the night. Granted I have only been married, what, 16 days, but they all expected me to hole up in the house and never go out again. That is certainly not my style - at least not yet anyway
I don't think HHs friends are acting any different really. Most of them are starting to get in more serious relationships (although he is the first for marriage) so they weren't expecting much to change as far as the dynamics between everyone goes.
I think when you are the first though - people don't know what to expect. You don't really think of the married couple or the wife going out and bar hoping when you think in the traditional sense. Just don't let it bother you what they say, I'm sure they are just trying to be funny and don't realize how silly it really sounds when they say stuff like old married lady, etc. I mean really the mopst it's been for anyone on this board is a little more than a month. We don;t really fit into that stereotype just yet.
Keep your head up. I hope your friends get over it soon.
May 22,2010
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During the (almost) 6 years we've been together, I was in school for the first 5 and then when I finally graduated, I was planning the wedding so we didn't get to see each other all that much...so we're excited to get to finally be with one another now that all that is out of the way.
I'm finding almost the opposite. I feel like a lot of our friends are on the same pace as we are. I have married friends and I have friends in serious relationships. We went to 5 weddings last year and we have a couple within the year coming up. I find that people want to hang out as couples now and we do more couple things together. We're always planning fun nights out with other couples which is cool.
We haven't had any problems. We don't have a lot of friends near us, just a couple that got married this past weekend and a couple that has been married, as well as a few single guys who aren't bothered by the married thing.
Back home most of our friends are married or in pretty committed relationships. Really the only one that isn't is my MOH and it doesn't bother her at all that we're married. She and I became friends shortly after DH and I started dating, so he's always been a part of the equation.
This is us almost exactly. We had a great friendship with one couple. It came to a sad end (the worst part is that we don't even know why! We just got de-friended on facebook, and when we tried to find out why, all phone calls, emails, and texts were ignored, so even if we did do something wrong, we can't apologize!!!). Anyway, our other good friends (our only married couple friends) moved while we were on our honeymoon. We're also searching for a new church right now, and so far all the "young" married classes have had people at least five to ten years older than us, with at least two kids. Three of the women were pregnant with child number two in one class we went to. We're in our very early twenties (20 and 21), so finding people our age who are married or even engaged is kinda tough. So I totally get what you mean. I mostly want to hang out with DH anyway, but I really want a girlfriend who's in the same place in her life as me to talk to when DH thinks I'm insane (which is frequent because, fankly, I kind of am.)
haha, I love the title of this thread!
My DH and I haven't noticed any differences, at least not yet! But we are kind of in the middle of the pack with our friends...lots of our friends have gotten married in the last two or three years, and lots more have gotten engaged and will be married in the next year or so. Most of the rest are in LT relationships, and of course there are the few who are perpetually single, and look forward to all the weddings as a chance to meet "The One" (or at least "The One for the Night", haha). We are finding that a few of our friends are now starting to have babies, but even that hasn't changed the relationships. DH and I are loving dinners in with our married friends who are parents, and then a few nights later going downtown and having some drinks with our friends who are still single. It's the best of both worlds!