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WWYD - Family Fun
I'm torn on what to do and would appreciate some feedback on what you think I should do!
A little background - my family is dysfunctional. My mom/grandparents act like the other don't exist . . . and not from lack of effort on my moms part. Its bizarre. What's wierder, is that my grandparents do keep in touch with me, and act like our family is perfect. There's a lot of dirt in the background of the estranged relationship which I wont go into here.
So flash forward, we have a wedding in south carolina next weekend. My mom & boyfriend are going, and so am I, as well as my grandparents. The last time they've talked is at my wedding 2.5 yrs ago. So not knowing what mom/BF are doing, and what anyone else is doing, I booked a trip to stay for a night, go to the wedding, then to head up to NC to visit my BFF who moved there a few years ago.
So my grandparents called me this week, inviting me to stay in a big condo with them and my aunt (instead of the hotel room I booked). They also invited me to go to Charleston (1 hr away) with them after the wedding to celebrate my grandmother's 75 bday. My mom didn't get invited to go, but will also be leaving the same day as me anyways. If i do this, it would delay getting up to my friend's house by about 4 hrs or so - so not a huge impact there. I will add that the only time I'll get to see my grandparents/aunt will be at the wedding night if I don't go, b/c of their travel plans and mine.
What do you guys think? Go and spend the day with my grandparents (and favorite aunt) and risk even more family drama with my mom, or kindly decline and go along with my original plan? And do I stay with my grandparents/aunt, or do I just keep my own room in an adjacent hotel? it would be a lot easier if DH was going with me, but I'm going solo this trip!
TIA!!
Re: WWYD - Family Fun
Rarely Updated Blog
I'm a little confused. Who is excluding whom? Has your Mom expressed a desire to not be in their lives or is she working toward fixing the relationship and was not invited on this trip?
I think that would be key to my decision. If it were my Mom and she found out she wasn't invited to something that included me, her sister, and her parents... well, that would suck. I wouldn't want to do anything to exclude her further.
On the other hand, if your mother is the one that expressed she wants nothing to do with the family, that's a different story. You shouldn't have to take sides in her drama.
the nest is eating my posts!!!
trying again. . .
Its a mutual exclusion in their own way. Both of them have said and done hurtful things to each other, but "the kids" have always stayed out of it. As I get older, I've learned that this has gone on since before I was born. . . they just pretended while we were growing up. Since around high school, it got pretty ugly (business deal gone bad and then some), and now they don't talk to each other aside from the christmas card that gets sent out to everyone. Unfortunately, my mom also tries to rally the family to be on "team mom" and throws the occasional guilt trip on me when she finds out i've talked to them. (btw - my sister is totally on "team mom" which doesnt help).
thisgirl - i think you nailed it. my mom would be really hurt if i actually stayed with them, but she might not react as badly.
i think you gals are right - i will probably regret not getting to spend time with them especially since i dont make it out there very often, and they're getting up there in age. i think i'll adjust my schedule a little bit and go with them on their day trip, but not stay in the hotel room. i think that's a pretty good compromise and i'll still be able to see and spend time with everyone.
thanks girls!!!
I also think this is a good idea!