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your thoughts please?
Hey all,
First things you should know....I've never had an orgasm (I don't think). I know they say if you don't know, you never have...that's why I say I never have. Even with masturbating it's never happened. Also, durring sex, I have little to no physical sensation (which makes sex pretty boring for me except for the RARE times I have slight sensation). There are a few other things that factor in...but those are the main issues.
I have a vibrator, but not super comfortable using it. Mostly because it's a little too intense of a sensation even on the lowest setting (it's a Lelo). I can't O with it either.
The thing is...I'm not really sure I want to O (I know that sounds insane). When I do have any sense of getting close I have to stop. The feeling is so overwhelming, it almost borders on painful/irritating for me. **To clarify, the act of sex itself is not painful at all.**
Kinda a long and possibly scattered post I know. It just seems there are two extremes and no happy medium. I want to have enough sensation to be able to atleast enjoy sex, but not sure about O. Any advice or encouragement?
Re: your thoughts please?
Well, I'll start off by saying this... if you aren't sure that you've ever had one, you haven't. That being said, I am very similar to you. I didn't have my first orgasm until I was 23. I finally got comfortable with my own body and got a small bullet vibrator. I just relaxed and tried a few things out. It was much different than before, it happened fast, and it was intense! It just takes a while for some women to actually be able to orgasm or relax enough to let it happen. My best advice here is to get out of your own head. That basically just means to not think about having one so much and eventually it will happen if you just try.
I didn't have my first O with a partner until I met my fiance when I was 25. I had never been with someone that made me feel as comfortable as he does. He listened to me when I told him what I enjoyed and would do those things for me. I still can't have one from penetration alone, but then again a lot of women can't. So, just relax and give it time. Hope this helps! GL
I can't have an orgasm with a vibrator. The sensations are just too much, and like you, they get to the point of irritation. So I don't use one. Manual stimulation works very well for me, so why change something that works?
Orgasms are wonderful! I firmly believe that the world would be a better place if everyone had more of them. They are healthy for you...blood flow, release of endorphins and improvement of mood. Your skin will glow!
Once you have one, you will see that the intensity and pleasure that you will have is worth it. I suggest that you find a stimulant other than a vibrator to work with -- visual porn, written porn, mental fantasy -- whatever works! Then have a glass of wine, and touch yourself while you are all alone and don't stop when the sensations get intense. Keep going until the feelings rush over you. It may take 30 minutes or an hour but who cares?! You deserve pleasure!
Don't stop. Keep going, experience it, and then determine if you want to keep doing it or not. I have a feeling once you let go and have an orgasm, you won't find it painful or irritating anymore.
Try some different vibrators. My husband and I have a pretty wide assortment of them, and certainly some of them are the wrong frequency for me. They might kind of feel nice, but then yes, they become more irritating than nice feeling. Vibrators do vary quite a bit, there is one out there that will be a good frequency for you.
My personal favorite is the Tounge Joy. http://www.tonguejoy.com/
It is marketed as an oral vibrator, but it works really well for a fingertip vibe. Small, quiet and easy to use during intercourse. It's a must have for me. Intercourse alone gets me nowhere.
Once you have an orgasm, you will never feel like you don't want to have one again!
We didn't have sex until we got married. The first time was amazing (seriously, no pain or anything). That's the best it's ever been. We've been married for over a year, and still nothing.
I do use just my hand, but I can't get there with that either, again it just gets to a point that is is more uncomfortable than pleasureable. As for porn, I know some people are ok with it....I'm not one of them. I won't use it; no matter the form.
Durring sex I've also tried using a clitoral stimulant (utopia I think). It feels more like it is burning, than something good.
It really feels like I've tried everything and still am not satisfied
It sounds like you struggle with surpressing your desires and have maybe convinced yourself orgasms are "wrong" -- at least before you were married, and now you can't simply flip a switch and tell your subconcious that it's OK now. If you have access to counceling I would look into to help you grow more comfortable with accepting that it's not wrong to feel sexual pleasure. Luckily, you don't struggle with pain during sex so I think you're on your way, with a little patience and time.
To help with the intensity, I would try putting used batteries (like maybe from a tv remote) in your vibrator, or getting one that has a very low setting (I think the bullets usually have a mild vibration). There are other gentle methods too that I remember stumbling upon as a hormonal teenager (pillows... hottub jets...) Also, it sounds like you don't fantasize at all... I don't think many women can O just from methodically using a vibrator. You could start with thinking about your first time; you said it felt nice so focus on that memory.
I remember when I first orgasmed I was really young and had no idea what was happening... but it kinda was like how you described before it happened; almost painful/irritating. It definitely doesn't feel that way once you experience it; you just have to plunge into the unknown (it won't hurt!)and it's fine forever after
Oh and final thought! You probably don't have any sensation during sex because you have nothing to anticipate or long for... without the desire for having your husband to drive you into exctasy sex would of course remain pleasureless... what would be the point?
Some really good thoughts from everyone. Definately appreciate the input!