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Does any one have some initiating sex ideas/tips?
I am wondering if any one has some really good ways they initiate sex.
Other sex tips are welcome 
Thanks!
W.S.
Pleasure is spread through the earth
In stray gifts to be claimed by whoever shall find.
~William Wordsworth, 1806
Re: Does any one have some initiating sex ideas/tips?
This may not be exactly what you had in mind, but it always works for my husband and I. Take a task or chore that your spouse normally does, but do it instead. For example, cleaning the bedroom or making dinner. After a long day at work your spouse is expecting to come home and do this task. This is where it gets fun though. Your task is to not only do this particular chore, but to add in a twist.
An example would be to cook dinner, but make sure you're still putting on the "finishing touches" when your spouse walks through the door. The twist? You're cooking in only an apron. You may need to reheat dinner, but it'll be worth it. Another initiator is to forego your normal date-night routine. Instead of going out for dinner or to see a movie, do all that at home. Then, turn your bedroom into a "spa".
Light a bunch of candles and have warming massage oils (in both manly and womanly scents) on hand. Have your partner undress and use a towel to cover his/her lower half [as if you were actually at a spa]. Take turns treating each other to a full body rub-down. What happens next is up to you.
I hope I helped.
First off, how is sex getting initiated now? Is your DH always the initiator? Have you tried to initiate? What happened? Was your DH receptive? Dismissive? Clueless?
Have you had previous lovers? How did you initiate with them?
Do you feel comfortable initiating?
He does the initiating I have tried & the timing was off he either got ticked cus I did it wrong or he was clueless about it.
No other partners.
I dont feel comfortable initiating because I am affraid I will be rejected.
We are going to couples councling.
That is why I am wondering what other people do.
I understand your problem. My husband wants me to initiate sex more but I don't like to because I'm afraid he'll say no. One thing that helped me is to just do it anyways. If he says no oh well at least you tried and he can't get upset with you for not trying. Sometimes I'll put on some lingerie and lay on the bed and then ask him to come here for a minute. As soon as he sees me he knows what I want and gets excited. Or send him messages during the day telling him he's sexy, you can't wait to see him, flat out tell him you want to have sex later, etc. He'll be looking forward to it all day. Ask him to get in the shower with you or get in with him when he's taking a shower. Walk around the house naked lol. Give him a lap dance or strip tease. Start kissing him.
I know this all sounds easier than it is. I have a very low sex drive so it's really hard for me to initiate and I turn him down a lot simply because I just don't feel like it. But just do it anyways. As soon as you start fooling around you'll get into it.
Thanks for answering my questions. It makes it easier to offer advice.
Men and women are not unalike in their delicate sexual egos. No one likes to feel pressured for sex and most everyone wants to be desired. Initiating successfully depends a lot on the kind of sexual relationship you have with your DH and what kind of guy your DH is. You are obviously shy and not very sexually confident. The key to solving this situation is to talk about it.
Now, this is not a conversation to have anywhere near the bedroom or near a sexual situation. It should not come out of the blue. Start off at dinner one night "You know that I love you and really love the sex that we have. (compliment) I want to make love/have sex with you more often because I enjoy it. (compliment) I would like to initiate it more often or at least let you know I am in the mood. What could I do to show you my desire for you?"
He will be a little taken aback at first and that is ok. Tell him that you would like both of you to think about it a little and talk about it the next night. Also ask him when he is most receptive to initiation (first thing in the morning, late at night, spontaneous afternoon nookie). Some people are really thrashed at the end of a long work day and greeting him at the door in saran wrap will only get a negative reaction. Some people are morning sex people and others are late night players. Tell him that you really like sex (insert timing here) and perhaps cite a particularly hot sex session you guys had at that time. Positive reinforcement for the quality of your sex life and requests for increased quantities is a pattern that will get you good results.
Ask him if he has a fantasy about you initiating. Perhaps he is harboring a sexy thought about you taking sexual control of him one evening. Perhaps he would love you to come on to him while he is watching a sporting event (that is why they invented TiVo). Tell him a fantasy of your own where you initiate. Perhaps you want to join him in the shower one morning. Perhaps it makes you hot when he comes home sweaty from the gym.
A way to pave the way to a positive initiation is to let him know earlier in the day that you are feeling frisky. Text him at work or mention in when you talk that you have been having sexy thoughts about him that morning. Tell him that you hope you guys can do something about it later that day. If he is having a crummy day, he can tell you then and you will know not to initiate that evening. Or if he is that kind of guy, tell him that you promise to give his evening a "happy ending" if he is in the mood.
In short: compliment, communicate and coordinate.
Looking at your previous post, why did you go off birth control? What kind of birth control are you currently using? Are you TTC?
Also, why are you guys in couples counseling? Are there some issues that might be impacting your sex life?
Maybe not so much on the initiating, but if a man is a good kisser
he should start there. Once the kissing gets going he should
learn to move real slow and kiss down her neck, then to her
chest and down to her tummy and just explore her tummy, hips
and chest with his lips for a very long time. (Long foreplay is the best)!
After being on BC for 7yrs I decided I didnt want to be on it any more. I would like to have a child DH would rather wait.
Our sex life is one of the reasons for going to counseling.
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Have an open discussion about what actually turns him on. You can get all the advice in the world from other people, but until you ask him directly, you won't know what works for him.
DH, for example, has one very obviously errogenous zone, but also loves the feel of skin on skin. If I'm feeling frisky on a given night, I'll snuggle up against him, wearing nothing but panties. That will be enough to get him started.
The only way I knew that was from hearing it from his mouth. You can't read his mind and he can't read yours. See what info you can get from him, it's less intimidating to be the initiator when you know that what you're doing is turning him on.
1. I walked into the living room and announced "Im going to have sex. Would you like to join me?"
2. Straddle him while he is watching TV or playing xbox. This usually gets him to put the controller down fairly quickly.
3. Pretend that you are going to sleep then get handsy. Let him know what you want, even if no words are used.
4. Walk around naked. Surely that will get his attention.
i didn't read all of these post so sorry if this is redundant. i use to not be good at initiating sex but i realized that this was the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with and he will love me no matter what( even if i look like a fool). i started cooking special dinners and leaving him notes through out the day ex. text him and say a cute little message( i cant wait till tonight) it left him wondering. so when he got home i would be sitting on the couch or dinning room table in just an apron! but i really like it when all i do is take his hand a walk to the bedroom! its quick and obvious of what i want to do.
hope this helps!!
Just grab his d*ck and say, "Come with me if you want to live."
Trust me. It works.
ROTFL!!! you guys are so funny...I think that as a women who is a little shy when it coem to initiating you are going to have to get more comfortable with your selfsexually. Ask him about some of his fantasy, make time to try and fullfill some of them. Learn what really turns him on, some men are embarrasses to say the little things they like but you do not know about. If he had a hard day at work have him take a shower and lay on his stomach, give him a straddle hima nd give hima massage and take of your shirt rub your bareness of his back...the contact will drive him nuts because he will know have known you were half naked up there. Lots of touching, spontaneous places in the house for sex is also great. You can also lay in bed with him and run your hands over your own body and then make eye contact with him....I pretty much bet you after that all you have to do in wiggle your eyebrow and he will be good to go....Good luck...and have fun!!! Enjoy eachother!!
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