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Need some vibes (long)
I haven't been on much this week, busy with life, then late last night we got a call from my mom, my grandmother (my dad's mom) is in the hospital in California, at the time that was all we knew. This morning I spoke to my uncles wife - grandma who has been a very heavy smoker her entire life is having a complete failure of her lung function - her body is toxic with carbon dioxide - to the point that there is no treatment or cure, today she was able to talk, but yesterday she slept all day. She's on a respirator and now they're discussing life support. I'm flying out tomorrow night and meeting up with my dad in Sacramento, which is where the drama comes in.
So the back story - grandma married grandpa (deceased) when she was 14 and he was 21, they had 3 boys (my dad and 2 uncles). When my dad was very young grandma left the family, remarried and had 3 more children. My dad had a hard time with her leaving but at some point forgave her.
Fast forward, dad is in his early 20's married to my mother and they had just had my brother. Grandma shows up (moves in) with her husband and 3 young children, at some point she decides she's going to leave again (her new husband is a drunk / abusive) and she's going to leave the kids with him or my dad (this part has always been unclear to me).
This obviously was something my dad was not ok with - it was one thing that grandma had walked out on him, but now that he was a parent he wasn't going to watch her do it again (her youngest is younger then my brother). They had a huge falling out - grandma disowned my dad, grandma's husband chased after my dad with a rifle - and they never spoke again.
Fast forward again - I'm 20 years old and living in the same state as grandma, I extend an olive branch, my curiosity got the better of me, I showed up on her door step - "surprise it's a girl!" she welcomed me with open arms, helped me through my first pregnancy, generally kept in touch and was very supportive, through me, my dad and her reconnected.
The sticky part is that grandma never apologized to my dad for what she did, so he hasn't really forgiven her. I know she has carried a lot of guilt about it, she's told me as much, she lived a very hard life (polar opposite of how I was raised). I feel bad, I'm making this trip in hopes of seeing her if only for a few hours before she passes, my dad would not be going if I wasn't, I know he loves her and it would eat him up if he didn't try to see her (went through this when grandpa passed) I know in the end he'll be glad he made the trip, but now I'm in the middle of all of this drama, I'm the only neutral party who isn't holding some grudge or resentment.
All 6 of the children will be together - this will be the first time they will all be together since that day when my dad refused to let grandma walk out on the younger kids - so about 35 years - and really the only glue is me and my relationship, however dysfunctional is it, with each of them.
If you made it this far I'm impressed - I need some serious positive vibes thrown my way - for my grandmother to pass painlessly and peacefully with all of her children around her - and for her children to find the forgiveness and acceptance of each other so we can all move forward. Thanks in advance.
Re: Need some vibes (long)
::vibes::
I truely believe that everyone will "behave" tomorrow. I would hope that the gathering should be about their mom and any annomoicity/issues will not come out until later. The visit should be about saying goodbye and hopefully they all understand that.
Good luck.
I'm sending good vibes your way!
Like Mel said I believe everyone will behave when they're all together given the situation. I'll say a little prayer that your grandmother can pass painlessly and the gathering around her is peaceful.
thanks ladies, I've calmed down a little since yesterday and now just trying to focus on the positive.
i'm flying out this afternoon, taking some work along to keep my mind off everything, hopefully it will be an uneventful day of travel. I'm more worried about my dad flying down from Alaska - he doesn't travel well, also concerned if grandma will hang on long enough for us all to get there, they told her I was coming and she's a stubborn old broad so maybe that will help.