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Just a vent...
As some of you may know, I'm covering for my friend/co-worker while she's been on maternity leave. This is week # 8 and she's coming back on July 1, so basically another week and a half.
I'm getting SO sick of hearing "it's going to be hard for her to come back"... I don't know if that makes me a mean girl or a bad friend or a shiitty co-worker, but that's just the deal. If you have a baby and you still need to work for a living, that's just how it works. You have to come back to work eventually. Sure, it'll be hard, but that's life. Then everybody says "you don't have kids, so you don't understand..." You're right, I don't have kids, but why can't I understand that she loves her son? I'm not THAT horrible of a person.
I think it must be because I've been doing all of her work for 2 months and I've gotten bitten by things she did wrong before she left. I'm building this crazy resentment for her and it's not her fault at all.
Ugh... ok, vent over, I guess. Thanks for listening. 
Re: Just a vent...
You aren't a bad person at all! And I can totally see how you'd begin to resent her. I'm thankful that my being pregnant and out for 3 months won't greatly effect my team since we all work together on things anyway.
I actually feel like I'll be glad to get back to work after my leave, but I also love my job and am working on building my career. I could be totally off and a complete mess when I head back (I know I won't really know until I get there)...but I know that working will make me a better mom because I'll be happy. Not everyone wants to be a stay at home mom! So...don't discount that she might actually be relieved to be coming back into the office. Everyone is just so stuck in the stone ages about motherhood.
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Absolutely right. And sadly, I have yet to see anyone come back after maternity leave without receiving some sort of pity party.
Thanks, ladies! I hadn't stopped to think that she might actually like coming back. Knowing her, she probably won't, but I can hope, right?! I wouldn't be stunned if she didn't come back, but she already told our boss that her first day back would be July 1, so I guess that's pretty solid. I can't imagine coming back for a day and then leaving - that actually happens?!
I'll just have to stay away from talking to anyone about it until she gets back. If they want to pity-party her, they can do it without me!
Seriously? I'm going to have to make a sign for my cubical! I have never really seen it...maybe DC just has a different vibe? We aren't really known for being family friendly...
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They're not really mean questions as much as they are unhelpful. Questions like:
1) *sympathetic voice* "How are you doing? It must be so hard to be back at work!"
2) "Was it hard to leave the baby this morning?"
3) "I'll bet you can't wait to get home to your baby..."
I just told a co-worker about my run in this morning and she said the same stuff.
I said "I hope they don't say stuff like this to her when she gets back!" And co-worker said she remembers that exact thing happening when a different co-worker came back from her leave last year.
They kept asking if she was doing okay and if it was hard to leave her baby in the mornings. The woman actually admitted that those comments were making it worse and I think she had to confront the other person to get her to stop talking about it. Geesh.
So maybe if I just say "fine, I was glad to drop Liam off this morning. I'm so ready to be a grown-up again!" people will get the hint and leave it alone
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...Then watch the office gossip start about you not liking motherhood.
I can hear it now... "Juangela, do you think you might be suffering from PPD?"
My sister once told me that if you want to stop a line of questioning, tears are the way to go. Start bawling ridiculously when someone asks you about missing the baby and word will spread really fast not to bring it up again.
And I'm putting that in my back pocket to use!
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You guys only get 3 months off! Wow, in Canada you get 1 year.
Anyways, I agree that you're not a mean girl. I also hate when people assume you can't identify with them because you don't have children. No, I don't know exactly what it's like but i'm not completely in the dark about what you're going through because I do have feelings and the common sense to know when things are difficult.
Holy cow, a YEAR?! There's no way my job would be waiting for me after a year. In the states (if your company is big enough), you only get 12 weeks and I'm pretty sure it's unpaid. Our company isn't big enough so they only offer 6 weeks and then my friend took 2 weeks of vacation and a couple of days unpaid.
I'm so jealous of other countries! France gives you something like a year, and someone comes to your house to do laundry and cook for you. Sign me up!
In the US, federal law mandates that companies with 50+ employees provide 12 weeks of leave under FMLA. It does not require the employee to be paid, just that they hold your job for you for 12 weeks. In fact, they don't even have to hold your actual job, as long as they have something similar for you to come back to! If your company has less than 50 employees, they don't have to do anything at all.
I am super fortunate that my organization (because this isn't true for all government agencies) provides me 6 weeks paid at 100% and I will have enough leave to cover the remaining 6 weeks, except for maybe a day or two.
So now that I've brought it completely off the original topic, Kellie, you are totally not a mean girl! I still stand by my original statement
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