May 2010 Weddings
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Anyone else NOT changing their name?
I was married once before and took back my maiden name when I got divorced. That become sort of symbolic of taking back my identity, so I chose not to change my name with my second marriage. Plus, it's just a hassle.
Whenever people ask if I am taking my husband's last name, they're surprised to hear that I'm not and always wonder what my husband thinks about this. (He couldn't care less, frankly.)
If you're not changing your name, why did you decide to keep your maiden name, and how are people reacting to your decision?
Re: Anyone else NOT changing their name?
Would you believe that half of the people I encounter seem to be flummoxed that I AM changing my name? We women just can't win!
I thought I posted a reply to this last night, but apparently TN ate it! I am not changing my either. It just didn't feel right to me. I got married, I didn't become a new person, so why would I start going by a different name? I don't think your name makes you any more or less committed. My name represents who I am and where I came from and to me, it would be like turning my back on that if I changed it.
I have a friend who changed her name, but her sister didn't. She says every time she sees her sister sign her name she feels a little pang of jealousy. I knew I would feel the same way and it just wasn't the right decision for me.
Of course, everyone just assumed I was going to change it so all of our wedding cards and checks have me with his last name. So I just correct people when they say it incorrectly and I got return address labels for our thank yous that have both of our full names. When we got the first card that said Mr. & Mrs. His Last Name I actually asked "why did we get a card that's for your parents." Then it dawned on me that the Mrs. was supposed to be me.
When people hear I'm not changing my name they always ask why, but once I explain they just say ok and move on. However, I'm not sure my MIL gets that not changing means not changing. She sent me a birthday card with our last names hyphenated.
I'm taking my husband's last name, but I'm making my maiden name my new middle name.
I agree that a name symbolized who you are and where you came from so this was my compromise with myself (I really don't think HH cares). But when we have children, I want to share my name with them, but I don't want to hyphenate their names.
The ones that steam me are the people who send stuff to "Mr. & Mrs. Matthew C." I took his last name happily, but, you know what, I don't recall taking his first name! And I did not cease to be a person. His mother addresses everything she sends us to "Mr. & Mrs. Matthew C." (that is, if she bothers to acknowledge me on the envelope at all). It drives.me.crazy. Miss Manners says that I should just get over it (http://www2.timesdispatch.com/rtd/lifestyles/columnists/article/MANN0508_20100507-144802/342904/) , but it still bothers me.
I made my maiden name my middle name, too. I have a bit of a pang sometimes when I realize that my old last name isn't what I sign, but using the middle initial on pretty much everything makes it a lot better.
My maiden name is now my middle name. I'm having a VERY hard time remembering to sign my new last name. It took three tries at the DMV on Monday. The first time, I added some weird extra loops in my new last name so I had to try again... this time, I signed my maiden name without thinking about it. Third time's the charm! Signing the documents for my new car last week, the sales guy had to remind me every time he handed me a form to sign with my new name. This is definitely going to take some getting used to.
Oh yeah, and Adam and I decided that when we have a little girl, her middle name will be my old middle name, so it's not like I'm losing it entirely.
Kelly, I hate that too! And we definitely got our fair share of cards that said that. Ugh!
I did not change my name either. I think it's a pointless custom. It is a lot of annoying paperwork for me and I would feel like I was losing part of myself changing my name. I got my bachelor's and master's degree under my name and published a paper. I also started a career. I would hate to erase all of that. My name is also part of my ethnicity and I don't have the same nationality as the name of my husband. That would also be strange for me.
I did consider hyphenating. I know two couples from school where when they got married, both the husband and the wife hyphenated their names. I asked my husband if he wanted to do this and he said no, he thought it would be best for both of us to keep our names. He says he fell in love with me just as I am and would not want me to change anything.
My mom thought that it was weird, and some people have made comments or acted like the didn't get it - but I'm just ignoring them. 10% of women keep their name these days, that's a small amount but not unheard of.
I addressed some of our wedding invites to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and it pained me every single time! But according to all the "how to address wedding envelopes" websites that what they said was correct.
I did it but hated it haha
I did it for the people on MIL's list because that's how she wanted them done.
Everybody on my side got "John & Jane Doe." The wedding wasn't formal, and neither is my family. I think it's funny that MIL insists on everything being "formal" and "proper" when it suits her but is often incredibly rude in day-to-day life.
Sorry to have such a tangent spinning off from your thread, OP!
If the couple has the same last name, I don't know what's wrong with
"Mr. and Mrs Doe"
It's formal, but it does not erase the woman the way "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe." does.
Agree. That's what I do when I am trying to be "proper."
I'm not changing mine. I've said for a long time (even before I met my husband) that I would keep my maiden name.
I can't bear the thought of giving it up! I feel like i am losing a piece of me. People are reacting in different ways, I'm getting a lot of "Oh's and really's." I think my HB is a little upset i didn't decide at the last minute to take it.
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."