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wwyd
I have a friend, who has been dating this guy for a little over 4 years. He is from Canada, and plays for a minor leage sports team - which he travels for. They see each other for like a week, every two months b/c of the distance.
She wants to marry this guy, and is waiting around for a ring. Her birthday is coming up, and she received his present, and it was not a ring.
She is upset, and I can somewhat understand that.
But what I'm having trouble comprehending is the fact that she wants this ring so bad - I don't know what to say to her. I think she is taking all the fun out of it. I also think they should live together (b/c of their distance), prior to making a commitment. It's just her tone of voice "OMG, I can't belive he isn't getting me a ring".
Have you ever had a friend like this? What would you say to them?
I kinda feel bad for her, b/c she is taking all the fun and excitement out of it.
Re: wwyd
Why are you friends with my SIL??
My SIL refused to move from NC to Indy with "the love of her life" unless he proposed first. He wasn't ready and he moved without her. They tried to do long distance but it didn't work and they had a very nasty break up last July. Every holiday SIL sobs about what she threw away and still keeps in touch/stalks her ex on FB. She thinks she's an old maid at 28 because most of her friends and family are married.
Honestly, I have no good advice. Nothing you say will really change your friends focus on the ring. I just change the subject a lot.
Lol, no, I don't think it's your SIL.
I think you may be on to somehing - it has to do with age - a lot of our friends are already married, or engaged - some even starting to have children.
Her and I have been e-mailing all morning, and she told me she received his present - and it wasn't a ring. I asked her what it was, thinking maybe he was trying to throw her off - he paid a good portion of her car loan. That's nice and all, but a little random if you ask me.
Agreed with KB, nothing you say will change her attitude. One of my bridesmaids was the same way, even worse after DH proposed. I tried to remind her that I waited 10 years, she had only been dating for 2, plus she was like 22. Honestly, she didn't quit until he proposed. Which coincidentally set off one of her friends who had been with her guy for like 6 years, and she ended up dumping him because he wouldn't propose. There are just some people.
I say you'll have to just grin and bear it or stop spending time with her.
My Bio (wedding pics added 7/6)
My 101
One of my best guy friends from college is going through this with his girlfriend. They've been together for a little over 3 years. They own a condo together and have lived together for probably 2+ years. They are both 26, so pretty young in my book. Obviously they're pretty damn committed if he agreed to buy a condo with her. He's not the type of guy who takes those things lightly.
In the last year she's seen her mother and father both get remarried and has been in several other friends' weddings.
She is OBSESSED with weddings. At this point I am not even sure she wants to marry my friend or just want to marry someone so she can have a wedding. It has put some SERIOUS stress on their relationship. Every chance she gets she makes a wedding comment in front groups of us when we all hang out. Throws my friend under the bus when people make any mention of rings/wedding, etc. It's sickening.
I really don't have any advice for your friend other than that it's probably only annoying to you seeing as she never sees the boyfriend. If that's how she feels there's little that will stop her from being ring obsessed. Some girls are just like that.
I would say something. Depending on the friend (knowing how they would take my comments) I'd go one of two ways:
Option 1 -- Lightly Spell It Out
Ask her if they've discussed marriage. Suggest she make steps towards a more serious commitment -- has she considered Canadian citizenship? Has she thought about moving there? What about taking a long trip? If he's going to keep playing baseball, what is her life on the road going to be like?
I'd also point out that maybe he wants it to be associated with its own special day rather than her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's Day. Maybe he's just looking for the "right time." (This, admittedly, is probably not the case -- however, it might get her to shut up about it.)
Option 2 -- Call Her Bluff
Tell her if she's that serious about him, she should give him an ultimatum or end it.
I don't actually think this is a good course of action, but (like I titled it) it may call her bluff and cause her to think about whether or not she really wants to be married to this guy or if she just wants a wedding.
***
Honestly, based on the situation you described, it sounds like she wants the ring as a security blanket since they're apart so much. She really needs to understand that if his career is pro-athlete, THIS time apart will be her life forever. It's not going to change once/if they're married -- it will only change once/if he switches careers.
Thank you for all your thoughts.
I don't think it's about a wedding per se, as she plans on something simple.
I think SBS called it, she is looking for a security blanket.