December 2007 Weddings
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Taking action

I've been MIA the last couple of days, sorry. Asides from being swamped at work I am really unhappy. Yes, that's nothing new, but today I reached boiling point and I honestly am feeling emotionally drained.  My boss was unhappy with something and I pointed out that she had let it go like that and she had the audacity to say to me "Well you're not helping me, I can't do it all, I'm busy.." or something along those lines - basically implying I'm not doing any work which is all bs. I had to bite my tongue, I was about ready to yell at her. I am keeping that place together. I am doing everything. Honestly, I don't know what she does. She's either on the phone on personal calls, out of the office running errands or to lunch, or reading blogs on websites.

So, I called my old coworker in tears when my boss left once again to go have lunch with someone and she told me that it's not bad to go behind her back and tell someone on the board I am unhappy. I honestly don't feel like I can approach her. She's actually called me hormornal and seems to think I get frustrated easily. Yes, it's true, but it's not pregnancy related and I don't feel like I can approach her without her assuming that's the case. 

I e-mailed the chair of our personnel committee (as it says in our bylaws they are there for if I need to approach an issue I don't feel comfortable brinigng up to my boss) and I asked her if she would speak to me confidentially one evening this week as I don't know where else to turn. She hasn't responded yet and I'm deathly afraid she went straight to my boss without hearing me out first but as my old coworker said, things really can't get any worse.

 I really felt like quitting today. If I didn't need a job before I go on materntiy leave to get my disability payments, I think I would have and just babysat until the baby came or something like that. I shouldn't have to put up with this anymore and her comment just infuriated me. I work harder than anyone she has ever had work for her before (apparently). I never miss a deadline, I go above and beyond to get things done and help her with non-work related things - it was just very rude and hurtful and it's time that someone else knew what it's like for me there. I'm also in the process of writing a list about every extra task I've taken on and all the comments she has made, things she does etc., just so I can show it to this board member if I get tongue tied.

Sorry for the long venty post. I'm proud of myself for doing something - I know perhaps I should have approached her first, but as I said, she'll put it down to hormones and I can assure you it is not. 

Re: Taking action

  • I am sorry Caroline you have to put up with that. I think you did the right thing by going to the board. If she is like my boss when I brought something up she twisted it around and acted like it was all my fault she acted that way and your boss will probably do the same thing. I do hope that by talking to someone on the board will help and that is good about writing everything down not only to help you when you talk to the member, but to have things in writing.
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  • Geez what a mess. It sounds like you are doing the right thing.  I hope the meeting with the board member goes well.
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  • I'm glad you contacted that board member!  You know how I feel about your boss and your job.  I agree that she probably wouldn't listen if you talked to her, and you have to do something.  Almost nothing about your job has ever really sounded fair to me.
    ~~~~Carrie & Shawn~~~~December 21, 2007~~~~ image
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  • way to go caroline! i'm so proud of you for taking this step. i really hope the board member can help you. good thinking getting your list together. i'm sure the board member will be totally appalled when they hear how you've been treated!

    please keep us updated!

  • WA1215WA1215 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    Alright!  It's great you have taken this into your own hands, I truly hope they take your feelings and what has happened seriously and do something about it.  The list you are making is a GREAT idea!  You boss is not professional, they need to know this.  Let us know how it goes!!!
  • omg Caroline, you sure put up with alot of scrap at your job. I think you did right by going to the board. All I can say is try and keep it together and start looking for and applying to new positions, especially while on ML. Hopefully once Lucie is born you won't be working there.

  • Proud of you!  You are a bigger woman than me, because I wouldn't have dealt with it for as long as you did.  You deserve to enjoy (as much as one can, anyway) where you work, because you have to spend all day there!  I hope it all works out.  I'm thinking about you. ((((hugs))))
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  • Thanks, Ladies.  If I weren't pregnant right now I'd find a job in a hurry but I'm not sure anyone would hire me if I'm going to leave in less than 4 months. I know that the board know what she's like, as they've made comments before, but I don't think anyone really truly understands unless they live through it like I do. My old coworker said that she's willing to back me up and tell people that the reason she really left was because of her.

    This takes the cake - I left early yesterday for the dentist and didn't come back. I just arrived to find 50 pieces of paper on the floor from the fax machine, sent at 2 pm yesterday. Either she left and didn't come back, or she didn't bother picking them up for me. Seriously, how rude!

  • imagecaroline1207:

    Thanks, Ladies.  If I weren't pregnant right now I'd find a job in a hurry but I'm not sure anyone would hire me if I'm going to leave in less than 4 months.

    My old coworker who is 7 mos pregnant just accepted a new job yesterday. She actually had a couple of job offers and is happy with her choice. She was worried no one would hire her either, but they were all ok with it.

    W/ the job she's taking, she'll be able to take maternity leave unpaid w/ insurance. The other offer she had was going to let her work from home some while she was out on maternity leave, so she could still earn some income and she'd keep her insurance.

    I know it's not ideal, but her situation turned out ok. If it came down to it, I think you'd be ok if you need to find something before Lucie gets here.

  • Good for you Caroline for finally taking a stand. Hopefully the board gets back to you soon. No one should be treated the way you have been by her. I agree, it is not ideal to be looking now, but if you know you are going to be working after maternity leave, then I would start sending your resume out and be honest with them about your situation.
    M & D - 12/29/2007
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  • honestly i am proud of you for standing up for yourself and contacting the board. like my boss tells me you have to let me know you are unhappy or something is bothering me bc they do not know unless i talk to them. so maybe they just dont know  how bad it is.

    i agree you need to start looking for something new NOW not later. if you are not happy then that goes into your personal life i know you try not to let it interfere but it does. and if you let a future employer know ahead of time that you are coming back then they should not have a problem hiring you.

    and if you could afford it i might possibly quit and maybe start babysitting.

    Who let the dawgs out? image
  • WA1215WA1215 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    imagecaroline1207:

    This takes the cake - I left early yesterday for the dentist and didn't come back. I just arrived to find 50 pieces of paper on the floor from the fax machine, sent at 2 pm yesterday. Either she left and didn't come back, or she didn't bother picking them up for me. Seriously, how rude!

    Oh wow.... 

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