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This is going to be hard. Long.
I'm not going to delete this. If H wants to read it, he can.
I told him on Saturday that I want a divorce. He's gone through states of anger and sadness. Mostly sadness. He has been crying 24/7 since I told him. He begs me for forgiveness everyday. Begs me to stay. Begs me to give him another chance. Promises he will change. Tells me he will do anything for me. Says that he can't live without me.
He is having trouble focusing on anything. Work is not going well. He basically got demoted last week (I didn't find out until right before I told him I wanted a divorce.) So he has been really stressed out over that. And since I told him, he has been a mess at work. On Monday, he gave his 2 weeks notice and then told me he was leaving the state (and then took that back a few minutes later). His boss told him that he wanted to have a meeting first, so they met on Tuesday. They decided to give him a few days off, and have another meeting on Thursday to decide what is going to happen.
He hasn't been sleeping or eating at all. He has huge black circles around both eyes. He looks terrible.
He called his best friend to "confess" some of the bad things he's done to me in the past. He says he is trying to take responsibility for his actions.
I feel bad for him, and I don't wish him bad things, but I still want to go through with the divorce. I don't know if what he is doing is genuine. Probably some of it is. But I know that if things were to go back to normal, the chances of him slipping back into his old routine are extremely high.
I'm ready to move on. I was emtionally detached from him. (He is making it difficult to stay that way...because he has (temporarily) turned into a different, nice person.) Everything he does makes me question if I am doing the right thing or not. It's so draining. I'm exhausted. I don't want to talk to him anymore, yet he doesn't want to stop talking.
He had his chances. I tell him that over and over. He should have been doing this for the last 7 years. He knows it and apologizes and says that he will change.
Ugh. So draining. I don't know how much more I can take.
I tell him over and over that there is no saving this relationship and that I am going through with the divorce. He translates that into "she's going to give me a chance." It's really annoying that he won't just accept that I am done.
I told him I plan on filing soon and that I was hoping he would go with me to file so that maybe with both of us being there, no one will have to be served. He agreed. He thinks that he will be able to win me back during the 6 month "cooling off" period.
Gah. So there's the update. A lot of other crazy (not abusive or threatening) stuff has gone on but it's just too much to write about.
Re: This is going to be hard. Long.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am praying for you.
Everything sounds so exhausting and heartbreaking. I hope that over the next 6 months the two of you can seek counseling - both individually and together if only for the sake of learning how to co-parent. My heart goes out to you.
TTC September 2010 thru October 2011
SA February 2011: Normal
RE App. October 2011 - Recc. Clomid and IUI
Taking a break from TTC to pursue adoption
Met our 2 year old son in Russia July 2012!
Court trip October 2012
Home November 24 2012!
adoption blog: addingaburden.com
Thanks for the update.
Stay strong and always remember to look at the big picture, what has happened over the past 7 years, not just how he is acting now.
Let me know that their is still time to change and to make things right, HOWEVER, it is for T's sak and his sake. If he really loves you and T, then he can show his love by becoming a better man, which will make him a better father and a partner for you (in terms of parenting).
Good luck hun!
Thank you for sharing, as difficult as it may have been.
I've been in your shoes, although thankfully, we did not have a child at the time. ExH went through the whole range of emotions, being torqued off at me one minute and begging me to stay the next. It took every single ounce of strength I had to keep telling myself that it wasn't just the preceeding days that warranted a divorce, it was so much more than that.
Keep your chin up, remember that you have a LO to take care of. If H treats you, his PARTNER this way, what is he going to do to a child, who is "ranked" lower than him?
Sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way. If you need to talk to someone who has been there, feel free to email me marieasly(at)gmail*com
My heart goes out to you! I've been right where you're at and I stayed in a marriage FAR longer than I should have with my Ee, just to see if he would change. He never did. He acts and treats his current wife the same way he treated me. It took me a while to muster the strength to leave but one day I just had an "ah-ha" moment and decided I did not want Katie to see any man treat me this way and have her think that was acceptable.
Good luck to you. Stay strong, follow your gut!! I'll be thinking of you and T!
I admire your strength through this.
Remember that you made the right decision when you told him you wanted to seperate. He's desperate, because he lost control of the situation. Abuse isn't about anything other than control. He's acting out, in an attempt to regain the control he once had.
Rely on the strength you had when you made the decision. That is what will get you through this, and on to the next chapter of your life.
I agree with the PP suggestion of counseling for the both of you, to help with co-parenting. That's something I could have used 10 years ago.
Thanks for feeling comfortable enough to share with us. I've been thinking about you guys a lot.
I'm really sorry to hear is been so difficult for you. I hope that things get easier. It's hard for us (or me, I should say) to give you sound advice since we're not in your position, and don't know the intricacies of your relationship, but I'm sure that you know in your heart what is best for you and T. We're always here for you if you want to talk about things, or if you want to take your mind off of things.
My thoughts are with you. Stay strong.