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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Dealing with a friend who always cancels
I have a dear friend who has a bad habit of always canceling plans. There's a long history of it, so much so that it has become a joke between DH and I. She emailed me this morning to try to reschedule (for at least the 3rd time) a Saturday to come visit and I finally manned-up and told her that while I love and miss her, it's very hurtful that she always cancels and I'd rather not put anything on the calendar. I wonder if she even realizes how hurtful it can be. I guess she does now.
I feel like crap now.
Re: Dealing with a friend who always cancels
I wouldn't feel bad. If she knows what she is doing, then she deserves to be told off. If she isn't aware, this will open up her eyes so that she can be more considerate in the future if she wants to continue the friendship.
Adventures of A Girl and Her Apron
ditto this. she probably isn't aware of what she's doing, and needs to be made aware. Don't feel bad!
Her reasons are somewhere in-between. Gosh, there's been so many over the years. The ones this year included she was sick (ok), some other event that her husband really wanted to do, and the latest was that she needed to watch her SIL's kids so she could do a 50th anniv. party for the SIL's parents (IMHO, somebody else could do this).
How hard is it to look at a calendar and say "oh, I'm sorry. I can't - I have other plans that day."
Southeastern Cycling
My Nest Bio and Cycling Advice
You are all right. She emailed me back and apologized. She thanked me for being open and giving her a "kick in the ass." It really opened her eyes to how she had kept putting me last. She said that she didn't want to lose the friendship and wants to rectify it by coming up next month.
I guess we'll see. I'm tired of making "soft" plans. I've long quit entering them on the calendar.
You definitely should not feel bad. Why should you go to the trouble of keeping your schedule open or rearranging things because you want to see her and then cancels. You could've made other plans to fill in that gap. It's rude, especially when it's a habitual thing. I can definitely empathize...one of my besties is also a repetitive canceler and like you, I always give in and forgive it because I want to see her. The thing with my friend, though, is that she is aware of it and even jokes about how bad of a friend she is for always cancelling. It doesn't change anything and it is hurtful. You have every reason to be upset and she has every right to know that it's hurting you. If you're good friends, she should want to know how it makes you feel.
That said, my bestie has actually made much more of a conscious effort to not do it anymore. I began distancing myself from her and I think it started happening to her from others and she quickly realized how much it sucks. Saddly, I've now moved away and she regrets not spending more time with me. I would definitely talk to her about it and try to give her the benefit of the doubt and give her some time to try to correct the behavior. If not, you may have to distance yourself as well. I'm sorry...that's no fun.