WWYD? (long)

S&D2HI · June 2010

Hey Girls! I wanted your input on a little situation.

My little niece is about 3.5 months old now. My sister started going back to work a week and half ago. Initially, she asked me if I could help out watching Baby A once a week. I told her it was fine, especially since I LOVE spending time w/my little niece and I work 3-12 hr shifts a week. I figured that it would be a good auntie/niece time and I could spare one of my days off. Before she actually went back to work from her maternity leave, she informed me that her nanny option fell through, and asked if I could watch Baby A twice a week instead.

So, its been a couple of weeks now. And I woke up at 4am this morning. (I don't have to be at my sister's house until 7:45.) I did this last week as well. I think that I'm having major anxiety. Not about watching the baby, but more about ALL the things that I can't get done because I'm no longer home. I feel like I've lost all of my alone time, where I would do some cooking, cleaning, go to the gym, run errands, etc. Working 12 hour shifts, everyone always thinks that its so nice to get 4 days off a week. Believe me, it is nice. But those three days are very busy and intense, and I'm usually going to bed within a couple of hours after I'm home. I don't get anything done on those particular days because my work days are so long. And now, I feel like our home is getting disorganized and our own routine is feeling iffy.

I feel SO guilty for even feeling like this. But I'm not sure what else to do or how else to sorta vent. My BIL only watches the baby once a week (he has a M-F 8-5 job but also works for a family company) and I can't help but think that he should watching her twice a week while I watch her once a week. Plus, whenever I think about going OOT, I start to feel bad because I don't want to leave them short-handed on help w/the baby.

Its hard for me to go out and run errands w/the baby b/c she still being breastfed, and breastmilk seems to have a lot of rules when it comes to storing, heating, etc. I can see how it was a bit easier for my sister b/c all she had to do was find a women's lounge and whip it out. So, until I figure our her routine, I'm kinda stuck at their house.

So, WWYD? Would you try it out for a month or so to see how to goes? Or would you have already had a talk w/baby's parents? I know its only been a couple of weeks, so I keep thinking that I should try for a little longer.

Please don't get me wrong though. I LOVE spending time w/my little niece. She is the cutest thing ever! And its so wonderful to see all the little milestones that she's achieving as she grows up. But I just think that I would do better w/watching her once a week instead for my own personal well-being. And I don't want my sis/BIL to get the wrong idea if I ever tried to talk to them about it.

Gah. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being a bad auntie/sister.

sanae78 · June 2010

Wow. You're a nice sister! 2 days a week really is a lot to give up, especially if she's not paying you or anything. I would talk to her about having BIL take another day. It is his baby! As for the breast milk situation, I'd ask her to buy a car bottle warmer. That way you could take a bottle in a cooler and be able to warm it in the car if you need to run errands and stuff.

S&D2HI · June 2010

Christine--That is a fabulous idea! I had to idea that they had those out there. Is there any particular one that you (or any other experienced moms) would recommend?

MrsNJSwimmer · June 2010

I would definitely ask her where she is with finding a new nanny. It's only fair to the baby for you to have your sanity while watching her!

Amy4773 · June 2010

You are being way too nice and accommodating. I get that you want to help your sister, but these are YOUR days off. If your life is feeling out of sorts as a result, I think you need to take a step back and tell her that you can't do 2 days a week.

eacerna · June 2010

You're such a good auntie/sister!! Is it possible for them to drop off the baby in your house? That way you can at least do some stuff while watching your niece?!

BoBride28 · June 2010

I know how conflicted you feel. She's your sister and you want to help out...I think the best solution would be to tell her you can only do 1 day a week (you won't be able to get your free time back when you start your own family and it's true, your BIL should take the extra day since it's his child) or watch the baby at your house like Ericka suggested. It will make a world of difference for you to be able to get a few house chores done while the baby naps...but your sis should definitely be looking for a nanny in the meantime. Good luck and keep us posted!

MauiWedding08 · June 2010

wow, I can only imagine how tough this is for you! Is is long term? We had family watch Jack for 2 months before transitioning to daycare (this week - eek!) b/c we knew if we could patch something together for 2 months he would have a spot at our first choice center (plus we paid DH's cousin a fair nanny's wage so it is/was her only job).

I think you do need to work with them and cut back to 1 day/week. I would also try to make arrangements to watch the baby at your house or at least make arrangements to set things up so that you can leave the house if needed - but then again I'm not sure it would be a good thing if they started thinking of your house as a fully equipped daycare... . I'm sure if they realized you have stuff to do they might start looking for a new nanny a little harder? (maybe).

inamra · June 2010

Wow, you're way too nice! I agree with pps on talking to her and seeing if you can do once a week instead since you need to get things done at your place too. It wouldn't make sense for you to end up hiring a maid to take care of things at your house when it's supposed to be your sister hiring a nanny! Plus, even though it may seem like you got it easy working 3 days a week, I think it may actually be more tiring to work 12 hr shifts! I don't think I could do that! But think about it--you still have a 36hr work week, which is only 4 hours less than 8-5 daily jobs. So you watching the baby once a week is already very generous and twice a week is too much for someone who still works 36hr weeks. Just my 2 cents!

sanae78 · June 2010

S&D2HI:
Christine--That is a fabulous idea! I had to idea that they had those out there. Is there any particular one that you (or any other experienced moms) would recommend?

I haven't tried any but the one I've seen at Target just plugs into the lighter. Hmm...looks like it doesn't get good reviews on amazon but here are a couple with some decent reviews:

http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Heating-Travel-Warmer/dp/B000BK8RI6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1277756103&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Dex-Products-Automobile-Bottle-Warmer/dp/B000BOLLJE/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1277756103&sr=8-3

mrspresley · June 2010

i don't have much to add to what everyone else said, i agree that just one day a week is probably best. as for the bottle warmer for the car....you could also just ask her to get a regular bottle warmer (if she doesn't have one yet) and then get a car adapter that you stick into the cigarette lighter and then you can plug any plug into it just like a regular outlet. you could also start seeing if the baby will take the bottle at room temp....then you could bring it to room temp before you go and use it while you are out...the room temp milk is good for 6-8 hrs so even if you don't use it while you are out with baby, you could use it when you get home.

redshoegirl · June 2010

I totally agree with the other ladies - you are being very nice and accommodating...and you need to scale it back to one day a week. I know it will probably be an awkward conversation, but it needs to happen. The other ladies had great ideas about bottle warmers etc - let us know how you go!

S&D2HI · June 2010

Thanks for the feedback ladies!

I think that my plan is to just try it out for a couple of more weeks and see how it goes. I'm glad to know that even mommies on the board here agree that cutting it down to one day a week is reasonable. That was probably what I was most worried about (how my sis would feel, etc).

But I am glad to see that there are portable bottle warmers! Huge plus!

Jaime: For some reason, my sister said that warmed up breastmilk can only stay out for one hour. Is it different when its pulled out of the fridge and brought the room temp?

Surfinbride · June 2010

You are too kind. I would stick to the original agreement of once/week. You are nice to say that you'll see how it goes... however, I would let her know now that once a week is reasonable. It doesn't sound like she and her H will have that other time slot covered for a couple of weeks. They need to get a plan in place. Great that you are willing... but... don't get stuck.

Friends and family should have time to visit the little loved ones. I don't think family should be scheduled like a nanny. It takes away from the joy.

You sound like a wonderful, loving, caring aunt.

WWYD? (long)

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