WWYD?

mzovoce · June 2010

We got a lovely thank you card from my cousin's daughter for a gift we had sent her. It was addressed only to me, but used my husband's last name, which I didn't take and don't use.
My cousin and I were chatting over the weekend and I told her how much I appreciated the note, that seeing her daughter's handwriting was so adorable (she's 7), etc. I then mentioned that I didn't take John's last name and kept my maiden name. She said "well we're not raising Leah like that". I didn't know what to say. I don't care how's she raising her child. I care that it's my freaking name. Maybe I should call her by her maiden and see how she likes it, IMO it's a respect thing. Am I wrong? I don't think I'll say anything unless she brings it up, but it really annoyed me.

Mike and Rachael · June 2010

I guess to put in perspective,...I had friends when I was younger whose mothers wanted me to call them Ms. Karen or just Karen. My parents weren't okay with that and I addressed them as Mrs or Ms Whatever Their Last Name. She's teaching her child the manners with which she wants to raise her, not out of disrespect to you (otherwise I don't think the note would have been sent). They're just being more traditional.

christenm · June 2010

the thing that would annoy me is that she said "we're not raising Leah like that." What is that supposed to mean? To be independent and have a sense of self? It's not like you're doing something wrong.

If it weren't for that, I'd say that she's maybe just trying to teach her daughter the basics of how families work - you get married then your family has that last name and that's why we don't have the same last name as grandma type of thing. To eliminate confusion until she could understand more later.

I'd let it go unless she brings it up.

Jennifer18131 · June 2010

Having manners and calling someone "Mrs." or "Ms." is much different from calling them a completely different name. In fact, if she were teaching her daughter manners, she would teach her to address a person by his or her actual name. You said something already, so I would let it go this time. But each time you are referred to by H's name, address it again. Once and politely. Eventually, someone will get the point. Hopefully, it's the daughter.

MrsSpell · June 2010

Jennifer18131:
Having manners and calling someone "Mrs." or "Ms." is much different from calling them a completely different name. In fact, if she were teaching her daughter manners, she would teach her to address a person by his or her actual name. You said something already, so I would let it go this time. But each time you are referred to by H's name, address it again. Once and politely. Eventually, someone will get the point. Hopefully, it's the daughter.

I'm with Jen on this one - very well said.

Jennifer18131 · June 2010

::curtsy::

mzovoce · June 2010

Thanks for the input. I felt too that it was discourteous. I get the calling a person Mr or Mrs. On the converse if someone was named Sharon and you always called her Deborah it's the same thing in my book.
I shan't say anything unless it happens again, in which case I'll have a word with my cousin.

WWYD?

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