Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How often do you have sex?
Ok... so, my husband and I have been married for less than a month. During the first 2 weeks of our marriage our sex drives were way increased, but now we will tell eachother, "Let's have sex tonight", and then both pass out in bed during a weak attempt to start foreplay. For me, if I feel pressure, I won't ever get in the mood. Help us get out of this rut!
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Re: How often do you have sex?
So you've been married for about 3 weeks and the first 2 weeks were high sex, one week and a bit wasn't. That's not a rut.
You just got married, figure out what's going to work for you. Is this the first time you've had sex too?
I have a hard time believing that this isn't mud.
not "high sex", but increased sex drive. We've only had sex about 7 times since we got married, and no it wasn't the first time. We didn't even have sex on our wedding night because we were exhausted!! Has anyone else not had sex on their wedding night? lol
Isn't that the point of these boards? To share your stories and situations, have people compare/contrast it with what's going on in their life, and to get advice and pointers from the nesters?
I still don't think it's anything to worry about, right after a wedding is a crazy time (at least it was for us) you're going to go up and down with your sex drive and his. We've had some weeks where we're at it all the time and some where we'll have sex once. If we're too tired or busy though we'll usually say to the other person "sexy time tomorrow?" or plan a day that works to have a "date night" and that way it's not forced right at that moment when we're both obviously exhausted but the next day we'll have it in our heads and we'll be looking forward to having sex, if it still doesn't happen, then no loss but we make sure that we're ready to at least spend time together and usually it just happens naturally.
give yourself some time to get back into the normal routine of life too though.
And it's very normal to not have sex on your wedding night, we did (wasn't the best time ever haha but we made it happen) but a LOT of our friends just waited for the next day.
Yes - it was a very long, very exciting, and very tiring day. We had to be up in 5 hours to leave for our honeymoon. I even feel asleep in my wedding gown!
I agree that comparing your sex life to those of others will not help at all. We all have different urges and rhythms to our desires and each couple is different. One couple may have sex every day, another every few weeks, and both may have strong, healthy relationships. It's all about finding balance, both with yours and your DH's sexual needs as well as non-sexual needs. Don't forget, there's a lot more to intimacy than sex - intimate satisfaction also comes from touching, kissing, closeness, talking, etc. I think those things are a much better gauge of the health of your relationship than how often you have intercourse.
BFP 11.8.12 * EDD 7.17.13 * MC 12.20.12
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over!
I think its fine to see what other couples are doing. Not really to compare myself like "omg, everyone esle has sex 5 times a week!!" but to see is there anyone else out there like me?
This. Because once you start thinking (even if its subconscious), "wow x% of people are having sex 5+ times a week, why arnt we?/Whats wrong with us?" essentially you will then try to fix something that isn't broken. There are so many factors into why some people have more sex vs why some people have less. Libido, work, stress factors in life, quality of the relationship, children, just to name a few. In which if you are just curious (which I think its kind of creepy why someone would want to know the sex frequency of others...), I'm sure Google could give you much broader statistical data.
Your sex life (or lack thereof) is only a problem if one of you is not satisfied with it. If having sex once a week, once a month or whatever floats your boat, works for you, then don't worry about it.
Word of advice, upload your siggy pic to tinypic.com and use message board or email size. Copy and paste the code into your siggy and your pic will be smaller. It's way too big...
Don't wait till bedtime to have sex. You're already tired at that point.
Why not do it when you first get home?
If you really want a survey, because I'm really not shy about sharing stories from my bedroom, my boyfriend and I both have really low sex drives and probably have sex once every 2-3 weeks or so.
We are lazy, often tired people (he has a startup business on top of his 9-to-5, for example) and just don't do it much. We spent a little while apologizing to each other for being tired, joking, "I promise we'll have sex again someday."
Then when we really talked about it, we realized we're both perfectly fine with our sex life. We have really great sex together when we do have it, and neither of us feel periods of drought. We're very communicative about it and both check in to make sure the other seriously doesn't feel deprivation or resentment over anything sex-related. And, nope.
The point I'm trying to get to is, as long as you're both happy with where you are, it doesn't matter. Despite reporting that I only have sex once every 2-3 weeks, I'm in the best relationship of my entire life with the healthiest sex life of my entire life. In past relationships, I would get guilt tripped like crazy over how "you haven't done me in X days." It's AMAZING to be free of that.
You mentioned you and your husband have both been passing out after a little foreplay lately--which makes me think you might be in the same boat. You'll ebb and flow, but as long as you're both happy, roll with it! You don't have to fit any particular mold.
You are probably catching up from all of the excitement that has happened in your life in the last month! You've had wonderful, exciting, changes and it sounds like you are just tired!
I can assure you that you are not in a rut at all! Sounds like your bodies just need some rest!
We did just to do it. We were both so tired that he looked at me and said "I know you're worn out, so if you're too tired, we don't have to." Well, it broke my heart at the thought of NOT doing it. So, we did. My best friend and her H did not, so you aren't alone!
It's normal for the frequency of sex to diminish after having been with someone for a long time. And obviously, that doesn't just mean in marriage, but just in relationships.
My now-husband and I dated for 2 years, where we only saw each other on the weekends. Of course, everything was new and exciting and since we didn't see each other a lot, we had sex a couple of times a day.
We then moved in together, and have been living together for 2 years. That's when the frequency diminished, to a few times a week. Once you're living together, and see each other 24/7, it's obviously unrealistic to keep up the same frequency as before.
Now that we are married, the sex is the same. Since we already lived together, nothing really changed when we got married. It just a really nice day where we declared our love for one another!