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Embarassing subject, but...

Hello

Any insight or advice would help out so much in my situation.

We have been together for 15 yrs and last night was the first time he could not get it up. At first, we took it as a quick laugh but he made the situation worse by trying so hard that it wasn't even funny anymore.

He was determined to "get with it"  but couldn't do it in the end.

Even though this was a first for him in all our history together, my self esteem is completely shot down.  

We've never had this problem before , but just wondering how common it is in other couples' relationships.

Re: Embarassing subject, but...

  • It happens.  Stress, being tired, and a ton of other things can make it so it's difficult for men to keep erections.  If it's a more than rare occurrence, send him to the dr.  Otherwise, don't worry so much about it
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  • 1/3 of all men will experience some form of erectile difficulties at some point - he is not alone! MH has a problem getting it up if he is too hot. DON'T stress over it - it will make the problem worse!!!!!

    Wait a couple of days and tell DH that you want to have a naughty teen date - go to a movie and make out in the back row the whole time, something that will get him hot and hard without the immediate pressure of sex. Just to show him that it won't be every time. 

    If it becomes a regular issue have him talk to his Dr., and try and keep a little log (without his knowing if he is really sensitive about the issue) of the conditions when it happened. It took us a little while to realize that it usually happened when he overheated i.e. under the blankets, without the fan on, in a tub of really warm water and then was fine once the water started to cool. 

    I'm a bird.
  • This is NOT about you, and you are only going to make your H feel worse if you indicate to him that it makes you feel unattractive, blah blah blah. It happens to most men every once in awhile and has nothing to do with you. Do you ever get a headache or a cramp for no specific reason? This is along the same lines. The more you stress about it, the more awkward things will become.
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  • imagerels09:
    This is NOT about you, and you are only going to make your H feel worse if you indicate to him that it makes you feel unattractive, blah blah blah. It happens to most men every once in awhile and has nothing to do with you. Do you ever get a headache or a cramp for no specific reason? This is along the same lines. The more you stress about it, the more awkward things will become.

    Exactly this.

  • image*HoneydewChestnut*:
    It happens.  Stress, being tired, and a ton of other things can make it so it's difficult for men to keep erections.  If it's a more than rare occurrence, send him to the dr.  Otherwise, don't worry so much about it

    Ditto this! 

  • This is not a reflection of you.  Like of pp said lots of things can contribute to this.  LOTS.
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  • jengiijengii member
    5 Love Its

    If it's a first in 15 years, I would chalk it up to a fluke. The body behaving strangely, for reasons mentioned above.

    It's possible he'll take it hard (no pun intended) and develop a mental block that will make it a more ongoing problem--to combat this, I would suggest you make an effort to keep lighthearted about it. If he stresses about it to you, just wave a hand and go, "Pffft, whatever, it happens to the best of 'em," and maybe emphasize his 15-year streak of NOT having this issue.

    If it does become an ongoing thing, morph your sex life away from activities that require his stepping up to bat, so to speak... it will relieve some pressure. A doctor's visit, too, isn't a bad move.

  • It happens to my DH sometimes. It isn't because I'm not sexy though. He'll give me a good smack on the asss sometimes and he'll stare at me the same way he always does.

    Sometimes it just doesn't work for him. If it happened often, I'd get him to the doctor to make sure his parts are all working correctly.

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