Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
don't know what to do....
My boyfriend and I have a very active sex life. But whenever we have sex he doesn't ever seem to be able to reach orgasm. He tells me that the sex is great but when I question him about it he says he doesn't know why he can't and that he still enjoys it. This makes me feel like I am horrible in bed. Any suggestions or answers as to why he might be having this problem?
Re: don't know what to do....
stressing over an orgasm (or lack thereof) can be one cause of not having an orgasm. The longer it goes, he could just be stressing out over it, which isn't helping.
There are occasions with my husband and me where one of us won't have an orgasm. It happens. Sometimes a couple times in a row. Or to one of us one time and the next time the other.
Has he ever had an orgasm with you? Is him not orgasming just mean you come before him, or he doesn't get there at all? Does he wear condoms? My husband can rarely orgasm while wearing a condom.
Has he ever used a cockring?
I've also heard porn addicts have difficulty performing when it's their time (I don't know this one for fact).
Good luck!
Does he masterbate often? That may make it more difficult to orgasm during sex. Maybe he could take a bit of a break from it.
Try a lot of foreplay and making each other excited so his mind is excited and he is closer to the edge. Make sure he is really into it so his mental blocks start to crumble.
Try different positions that may cause more friction for him, like doggy style with your legs together or something.
Most importantly, don't talk about it! Don't make him feel like it's a big deal otherwise it will make it nearly impossible for him. Seeing as he can orgasm, just not during sex, it sounds more mental than physical.
There can be several psychological causes for this such as being worried about the relationship being 'wrong' or concern over unwanted pregnancy, however, the most probable cause is a physical one;.....namely, that his masturbation technique has 'trained' his response to a lot of friction and tightness around his penis. Many boys and men grip their penis as hard as they can when they self-pleasure but a womans vagina is a completely different sensation being much less tight and more enveloping.......
........Basically, he probably needs to stop masturbating completely for a while, and for you both to develop a more sensual method of stimulating his penis until he gets the idea of 'less but more' sensation and then you will be able to tranfer this to intercourse.
My BF has a difficult time with this, too. In his case, it's anxiety... could this be true for your guy?
If he hasn't, he could check in with a doctor just to make sure there isn't anything physical going on. That could be a good idea in general, just to make sure everything's working properly.
A lot of times it's a mental thing. My boyfriend is fine with the fact that he doesn't orgasm often (I actually do so more than he does, which is a first in a relationship for me). We have talked about it extensively and he is very comfortable with himself, his body just happens to work in such a way that he doesn't ejaculate every time he has sex. I work to make sure I do what he likes and that he feels satisfied and vice versa. We still have a really great time and love our sex life.
Take emphasis off of the orgasm. Don't expect it from him or make it the finish line. When it isn't such a big deal whether or not he has an orgasm, they will come (har!) more naturally.