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Grandparents
What kind of relationship do your parents have with your children or neices/nephews?
As time goes on, I'm increasingly disappointed with the relationship that my mother has with Brynne. My mom comes to visit every week, but when she comes,she usually just laughs at Brynne and brings her things. I can't tell you the last time I saw her on the floor playing with her.
I haven't left Brynne with my Mom in a really long time. The last time I left her, my mom called me and asked me to come home because Brynne wouldn't stop crying. Brynne NEVER cries. She just doesn't like my mom.
Brynne LOVES DH's mom. His mom almost never brings Brynne things, but gives her undivided attention when she visits. It's the type of relationship I always thought my own mother would have with my daughter.
Things hit the fan this week when I asked my mom to watch Brynne for a few hours after we got back for our vacation so that we could do laundry and clean the house. My mom agreed and then later said that she didn't want to take Brynne until the evening after she had "that nap" and was in a good mood. She didn't want to try to give Brynne a nap at her house because she didn't want to hear Brynne cry.
I've tried talking to my mom about it and those conversations never go well. I think I'm just going to have to accept the fact that we have different ideas of what the relationship will be like. I think my mom is going to be a "fair weather" grandmother who buys Brynne things and will take her places when she's older.
I know it's not the worst thing in the world, but I'm still sad. Brynne is such a good, sweet, adorable kid...I am just having a hard time understanding how she wouldn't want to have an emotional relationship with her as well.
So....anyone else's kids/neices/nephews have grandparents like this?
Re: Grandparents
Emily I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Mine isn't that extreme but I will admit that I was a little surprised in the role my mother took with Jack early on. My Mom LOVES kids. She babysat children in our home for over ten years while I was growing up. She loved many of those kids as if they were her own. She's just the type of person who takes interest in children and loves to be around them. With Jack it was kinda different. She didn't come to visit as often as I thought she would, she didn't ask to hold him as much as I expected her to, she didn't talk to him or kiss him or hug him like my MIL did when we'd visit. She loved him . . don't get me wrong . . but it just seemed different somehow.
As Jack has gotten older I've seen her taking much more of an interest in him and I'm thankful for that. However, I can't help but wonder what made things the way they were early on. Part of me wondered if she was just giving me my space to learn to be a good Mom on my own (I mean that in a good way!). Another part of me wondered if she just didn't know what being a Grandmother was all about. I'm the first of her children to have a child and my relationship with my Grandmothers growing up (with the exception of my Great Grandmother who has since passed) wasn't very close at all. We rarely seen them and they weren't overly involved in our lives. Easter and Christmas kinda thing. And yet another part of me wonders if part of it had to do with me breastfeeding Jack. BFing is something that is foreign to her. She didn't have the desire to do it and I'm not sure she ever knew/knows how to be supportive of my decision to do so. So she distances herself from that. No questions about how its going, no positive comments/opinions/advice when I discuss my fears of failing to make it to my goal of a year. That's kinda tough for me.
Sorry to hijack your post. I guess I just want to say I do in a small way understand how you're feeling. Its so hard when family is so important to you and they don't live up to our expectations. I hope things improve for you and your Mom starts to come around as Brynne gets older and she's able to do more things with her. I wish I had some helpful advice.
Thanks, Jen. Hearing your story made me feel much better and "normal" about my own situation.
I think you hit the nail on the head. It's almost like she doesn't know how to be a Grandmother and mother to me at the same time. She said that she doesn't play with Brynne a lot when I bring her over, because she knows I need the adult interaction and instead spends time talking to me while my step-dad plays with Brynne. I'm not sure if that's truly genuine, or her way of making excuses.
In regard to your Mom and breastfeeding...that's a tough one! In fact, my situation was the exact opposite. I had sooo much trouble breastfeeding, but it was something I really wanted to do. After Brynne's NICU stay (and even before) she was never able to work out her latch. My mom, who breastfed my sister and I until we were like, two...would say things like, "Oh, just do it for six weeks" or, "Oh, it's supposed to hurt". Nevermind the fact that Brynne wasn't gaining enough weight. Anyway, I think the breastfeeding is hard, especially when it comes to our Moms...it's like you expect them to be helpful and supportive when you're doing something difficult...and when they aren't it's hurtful and frustrating.
My mom and step dad did come over yesterday to drop off some clothes for Brynne. My step dad played with her for almost and hour...but my mom did take about 10 minutes to read her books, which was a change. I could tell she was trying.
Thanks again for your post. I'm glad things are going better with your Mom's relationship to Jack and I hope that continues to improve. It sounds like it's starting to get better!
TTC since Jan 07. Dx with PCOS Jan 08