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I'm a newlywed and already losing interest in sex!
My husband and I have been together for four years total, and married for two months. We have always been very sexually active up until the past two weeks or so. He is ready, willing, and able to have sex with me, he gets turned on by just being next to me but all of a sudden I'm just not in the mood anymore. He's been very understanding about it, and we've had sex three times at the most for the last two or three weeks, but I haven't found it pleasurable or exciting. I know that I'm hurting him emotionally and he asks if I don't find him attractive anymore, but I am attracted to him. I can't stop kissing him or hugging him, but yet I haven't been able to get turned on lately. I work 6 hours 5 days/ week, but I don't think this is a problem...it sure hasn't been for the past 4 years,we don't have any kids, we're not having financial/communcation problems, so I don't understand what's going on. I'm thinking it could be a hormonal problem or something...what do you think? what would you suggest???
P.S. By the way, I'm not on the pill either 
Re: I'm a newlywed and already losing interest in sex!
Sexual rut.
You spice it up -- jump in the shower with him and let nature take its course.
Thanks everyone for your advice... you know I recently tried something that we've never ever done before....just before he was about to arrive home from work, I lit a bunch of candles, got a brand new sexy and cute babydoll to wear, put on some relaxing music, got the massage oil bottle out, and waited patiently for him....when he came into the bedroom he was so surprised and happy that I had done this for him. Even though the moment was romantic and sweet, I didn't get aroused at all! We did it, but it was so sad for me not to be able to enjoy it as I used to....I'm really getting worried and I'm making a dr.'s appointment for next week, hopefully she'll be able to help me and figure this thing out.
Rhythmicgoldfish, your question actually struck me a bit because I'm 3 days behind my period....could my low sex-drive mean I'm pregnant? I'm gonna take a pregnancy test as soon as possible!!!
Well, I guess that my low-sex drive really DOES mean I'm pregnant...I guess I'm having a baby!
Thank you everyone for your advice and suggestions!
BNOTB September Siggy Challenge: What I Will Miss About Summer: Swimming whenever I want. This is a pic of the largest pool in the world.
I have the same problem, only I am on bc pills. I cannot get turned on by anything and it's so frustrating. My dh has tried everything and even things that I thought would help, haven't. I never even think about sex; even if I try, it doesn't do anything for me. I feel so guilty and sad that I am never in the mood. I still have sex with husband at least every few days and I usually enjoy it while we're having sex, but foreplay is just not enjoyable. Surely there is something else I can do? I tried talking to my gynecologist about it, asking if the low sex drive could be my bc, but she said I'm already on the lowest dose of estrogen so there's nothing else I could do.
Hi there ashton05, I completely understand that it might be really frustrating for you feeling like this...difference is, since I'm pregnant, I'm having a hormonal thing, but maybe you could use the help of a sex therapist? or maybe even change the type of pill you're taking to another one...or even changing your bc method...instead of taking the pill maybe consider using a diaphragm, depo-provera, lunelle, nuva ring, ortho evra patch, etc...
Sex is a very important aspect of marriage, and you and your hubby should seek the help you need to solve any sexual problems. Most of all, be patient and optimistic. Good luck
Yay CONGRATS!!!
Hopefully you will turn that around in your second trimester...after morning sickness the hormones take a totally different course!..or at least they did for me. I couldn't get enough of my hubby then!
I had this problem not to long ago. I had no sex drive, and I didn't even want him to touch me in any sexual way. I even found that I didn't want to goof around or be playful in ANY way. I talked to my gyn doc and we decided to go off bc completely. About a month later I felt 100% better. I was back to my normal self being goofy and my sex drive is back. I made sure to talk to DH first to make sure that if we did get pregnant that we would be ok with that. But that was the best decision I could have made for my situation.
Good Luck!
P.S. Congrats 2010springbride
First of all congrats!! Second, for the gal ON the pill... I've been there. Switch to a pill that has less estrogen. Even NO estrogen. If that doesn't (gradually, unfortunately) make things better, then you may want to consider an IUD or other non-hormonal option. Bottom line, do something sooner than later, as the effects can stick with you for a bit....
It sounds like you just need a change of scenery and atmosphere. Make an adventure out of your time together and that may spark your interest again. It's really easy to get into a routine and forget that when you were dating you would plan a spontaneous trip or make plans outside of your usual routine.
It may be time to make time to enjoy time away from the mundane and spice it up with a weekend at a hotel or go get a massage together and then see what happens.
Ashton05...I have the same problem. Its been going on for a year now. I dropped the pill and did NFP method. It worked for a month of higher sex drive, but then it went back tot he way before. So I went back on the pill. I enjoy during for the most part, but NO interest in foreplay. Of course if I have a few drinks in me, I don't always have the same problem, but some times it can make it worse. It has been very frustrating, I have tried EVERYTHING. Reading books ( all different kinds), mixing it up, jumping in the shower, massages, talking with MH, and things I'd rather not mention. We still go at it 3-4 times a week, but its not HOT. And usually the times I really not into it, it ends up hurting after ( which my gyno says to use a lubricant...doesn't help). I finally thought...well maybe its not me, maybe he just isn't pursuing me like he used to. And this is true, but I have turned him down so many times he is starting to give up ( which I think is crap). Although, like you, I don't like to even be touch sexually, or even just innocently. I cringe thinking- OH NO he wants SEX- and that is the LAST thing I want. But I am extremely frustrated. I have read multiple articles that say women's heads and what their body feels physically are totally unconnected, that they can be turned on and their minds not know its...which is why I think we can still enjoy during, but no interest in foreplay...What I don't know is how to get back into it. One of the articles ( I can't remember where I read it, I have read A LOT) said to lose yourself in the moment, focus on just breathing, touch, etc. I however get very uncomfortable during foreplay when doing this, WHICH NEVER used to happen. Sometimes I think I over think it, so I have tried multiple times to just let my instincts take over, still I feel like I am fighting an urge to NOT have sex. its weird, I hate it, and I am at a loss. I am glad I am not the only on ethat has this issue, its a little reassuring I am not crazy. I have considered going to a therapist, but me and MH rarely have other issues, and aren't in the best of financial situations to be forking out a therapist copay. I also seem to have major stomach issues or I get a terrible headache right before bed, as if my body is anticipating having sex. ( The 3-4 times we have it is usually in the morning) so the bottom line is, I want to want to have sex, but my body seems to be screaming- NOOOO! Help!
Also, congrats to the original author of this board- it was such a fun thing to read! Maybe if I get pregnant- I'll want to have sex again;-) heheh ( not for a few more years)
i stopped taking birth control pills bc not only they made me sick, but i also had no sex drive. maybe you could start looking for another form of birth control?
I was married at the end of November 2009, and went in for my yearly physical in January 10, she said many newlyweds feel a bout of depression for the first couple of months, marriage isn't as "epic" as we envisioned in our heads.
If you are on the pill (2nd poster) try giving it up for a month (with doctors consent) and maybe using condoms. I was on the pill and didn't feel like myself at all, would cring when DH would touch me and dread just thinking about it. My doctor also said I might be more depressed than just the newly married let down (which I was) which did get in the way. I'm now working out and working to get myself healthier (gained a ton of weight in the past couple of years) which is somewhat helping our sex situation as well.
What i've found that helps, is that my DH now has started doing nice things without insinuating that he wants it to lead elsewhere. Backrubs, flowers, kissing, words of praise/encouragement on my working out/diet, just little things that shows he loves/cares about you just because he does, not because he wants soemthing. See if he will go back to "courting" you, if he ever did. Little presents, voicemails/texts of "just thinking of you" cooking dinner/cleaning and telling you to sit down and relax. Sometimes all the things in life seem like a chore, try to make sex more spontaneous and less of a forcing yourself to do it.
If need be, take a couple week break, tell your DH that you're not feeling right and maybe not having to worry about this too (it sounds wrong, maybe word it better) will help ease your mind. Make sure he knows its not about him.
Good luck, there are others out there with this same situation, don't get yourself down. It will come back eventually.
Congratulations!
I'm just finishing up my first trimester, and I found that the first few weeks I had little interest in sex either, which was really unusual. Now that you know you're preggers, don't be hard on yourself. The urge comes back!
Congratulations!
To the original poster - this was a great thread to read, Congrats!!!
Jackittle... I have to say your post is the story of my own sex life. I used to be so into having sex and foreplay and the last couple years I feel like I've been in a rut. I know things like stress, planning a marriage, changing BC methods, etc. have affected that to some degree. But the times where I feel like things should be normal and I should have my original sex drive back.... it ain't there. And I totally have that same" OH NO he wants SEX- and that is the LAST thing I want" thought. It drives me nuts!!! I hate that I think that, as it makes me feel so damn guilty. I've casually mentioned it to my doctors but they never seemed to have a great answer for me other than "maybe you need to de-stress." It really sucks, so I feel your pain (and anyone else's who has this problem). I WANT to have my drive back, I WANT to be in the mood more.... it's just never there. When I try to think about it, I'm so easily distracted with other things like cleaning the house, or watching TV. Sometimes it feels like I have sexual desire A.D.D. "sex... mmm... oh look! it's a new episode of that show!" ....*sigh*Yay, congrats on your pregnancy!!!!! What a fun and exciting time for you and your new husband! Enjoy the pampering!!!!!
Tiercy
Wow!! Congratulations lady! I wish you the very best for a happy & healthy 9 months!
Oh you wait till the second tri (and in my case, the 3rd). Sex drives get a boost then because of all the extra blood flowing into your vagina and clit. I want to have sex every single day. But I figure, I might as well get what I can now. Soon I will be healing and no sexy time then :-(