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Thank you!! (little long)
Thank you girls for all your sweet comments and thoughts. You gals are the best and I truly mean it when I say that I so appreciate you gals being there for George and I through this for the past 2 years. I know that I have not met a lot of you, but you truly do mean a lot to me and I feel like you are an extension of my family. I truly do feel like you are the sisters that I never had.
Sorry that I was not on much yesterday my stomach was just in knots all day and I just was trying to keep myself busy and not think about it. I had a feeling when they didn't call by 3:00 that it might be bad news and our nurse called at 4:00 and told us the beta was 2 (which anything under 5 is negative). Once she told me that number I couldn't really talk to her anymore as my emotions/hormones took over. I can't imagine having her job telling people good and bad news (especially bad news).
I was really hopeful during this process but I also had to be realistic that it might not work. I told George that I felt bad being half hopeful and half realistic. We really wanted this procedure to work and so getting the news that it didn't work was really hard. Having our 3 IUI's fail didn't hit me as hard as this did.
I went home and George was so sweet. He let me cry it out, talk crazy things (like I am broken, I can't give him kids, he is going to resent me one day because I couldn't give him kids, feel like I let people down etc), just talk about how I feel, etc. I know he is crushed too but I really feel he is more crushed because I am crushed. One thing that he said that will stick with me is that "As long as we have each other it doesn't matter if we have kids or not." I truly believe that. Kids are great and as much as we would both love them we have each other and that is all that matters. He has been so sweet through all this. Going through all these shots and knowing the pain that I was in getting them has killed him because there is nothing he could really do and I think it breaks his heart that I had to go through all this. Like I told him we tried and it didn't work.
Our pastor at church says that God does answer prayers but it might not be in the way we want Him to answer them. I feel that is true but it is so hard to accept when your prayer was not answered. I also feel God has a plan and purpose for everything and I don't know what His plan or purpose for this negative is, but I got to believe that I will find out one day. Like I told George maybe out of this bad news that we will get some good news (like our house selling). It is hard to keep the faith sometimes and I will admit that I am upset with God but I got to believe that something good will come out of this and I have to trust that He knows what He is doing.
I have to call the nurse back today to set up an appointment with our RE to go over my cycle from start to finish, see how we are feeling after this, see where we go from here. I am going to try to get it set up for Tuesday morning. There is really nothing to talk about because we are done in our TTC journey. We cannot afford anymore treatments as I refuse to go into debt (we are talking $10,000-20,000 or more). Who knows a miracle might happen and we get PG on our own, wouldn't that be funny??
I appreciate all your kind words, thoughts, prayers, concerns, etc. Thank you for walking with us in this journey for the past 2 years. I am doing okay, I think. I think it will take a little while to come to the fact that we probably won't have kids, but I am doing good.
As you can see from my ticker below I have a few events that I am looking forward to. My mom is going on a cruise in January out of Long Beach, CA to Cataline, CA and Ensenada, Mexico and if we can swing it I am going to go with her.
Sorry this is so long but it helps me write it out. Again thank you so much for everything girls. I am glad that I have you girls and if I can't have kids of my own I will be the cool aunt to my new nephew and all the little kids on here 
Love you girls!
Re: Thank you!! (little long)
I'm just heartbroken for you and G, Heather. You have been pretty amazing through this whole thing. You will be a mom somehow some way. I have to believe that.
love ya!
Oh Heather. I am sitting here crying my eyes out for you. I only had a small glimpse into the trouble TTC world and it was so hard on me. I can't imagine what you have gone through and how strong you have been.
I hope only the best comes to you. And I hope and pray that some way, some how, you will get to be a mommy oneday.
Baby #2 - D&E - 10/1/10 @ 19w2d - thanatophoric dysplasia confirmed.
Charlotte Lillian will be forever in our hearts.
Baby #3 - Little Bean - natural miscarriage - 1/17/11 @ 5w5d
Aww Heather! Keep your head high, God works in mysterious ways and you never know what could happen!
Sending hugs and prayers your way!
(It's Gina - I posted under my old SN and now I can't delete it)
You are absolutely right Heather, that we are all a little family here, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are all hurting because you are hurting. I am praying for you and George to find peace and happiness with whatever God's plan is for the two of you. And you are right, you both have each other, and your bond as couple I'm sure has grown infinitely stronger through your journeys so far together as husband and wife. I'm sending you a great BIG HUG right now...and squeezing really really tight : ) XOXO
Craft Blog
Sweetie, I've been where you are. I don't know what the future holds for you, but God always has a reason for it. In time you will understand. I know in my case it prove to be true. I know how heartbroken you are and know that I'm here for you, that I love you.
Big Hugs!
you and george have constantly been on my prayer list - like you said God always answers prayers, just maybe not the way we want him to. George is such a wonderful and supportive husband - lean on him, lean on us. Praying that one day you get a tiny miracle, it may not be today like we had so hoped - but in some way or another I pray God will grant you the gift of motherhood. xoxoxoxooxoxoxo
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU!!!