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WWYD?
Do you remember the BM who stole money from me and my mom two days before my wedding?
Well she and her DH's family sat right behind me at the football game last night. They weren't her seats, they moved there after the first half for some reason (i'm guessing because they didn't have seats together and this row was open). I wanted to crawl under my seat, it was so uncomfortable, I haven't talked to her since she forced us to confront her on the phone in April. I was with a mutual friend and the BM proceeded to talk to the mutual friend from behind me. I obviously avoided the conversation and talked to the other football wife that was with me. I kind of felt it was rude on her part to come sit directly behind me when her seats were 15 rows away she could have found other empty seats it wasn't sold out by any means, then to chat it up with the friend who had asked to go to the game with me was kind of insulting. I get that she is friends with her but still, I wouldn't have done that.
Anyway, when she was talking to the mutual friend she mentioned that she and her DH were going to their house warming party later in July. Well my DH and I had already planned on going to this party. I am thinking now maybe we shouldn't go. They have a condo (so it's not overly big), there will be drinking and I don't know if being in close quarters with the BM would be good for myself or DH. We can be mature enough about the situation to not make it awkward but the BM has a big mouth and I don't trust her. She tends to act impulsively and I'd be afraid she would start something especially if she is drinking. I am thinking maybe we should tell the friends we have something else going on and can't make it. Then stop by their house earlier in the day and drop off a gift? What do you think? I just don't want this girl to start anything and make a scene at the party. Am I giving in too much? Should I stand up for myself and go? What would you do?
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December
Re: WWYD?
You're giving in to her. When I went back to PA a few years ago for Thanksgiving, a good friend of mine invited me and DH out the Wednesday before along with other mutual friends from high school (who I never got along with). I just sucked it up, went, and talked with those who I wanted to.
If she wants to create a scene (or isn't smart enough to know not to), let her. It's only going to make her look bad... not you. And if anyone asks why you two aren't talking, etc. just say that it's a private matter stemming from wedding events and you'd prefer not to discuss it anymore. Just take the high road. If she's as crazy as you're saying, I'm sure people aren't going to believe her anyways.
Does the friend having the housewarming know about the situation with the BM? If so, maybe let her know you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would prefer to come earlier in the day to avoid having a potentially awkward scene. Yes, it is catering to her and giving in a bit. However, if the anxiety it causes you is changing how you think, avoiding her all together may be better for your mental health.
I agree with Misa that if she wants to create a scene it will make her look badly. If there's a good crowd in attendance, it wouldn't be super hard to avoid her anyway.
You shouldn't let this chick decide what you and your DH do, I mean, are you going to cancel every plan you make ever just because she will be there?
Go to the party, have a good time. Avoid talking to her while you're there.
If she trys to talk sh!t, don't give in, just let her talk. it'll make her more mad that it doesn't bother you
BNOTB September Siggy Challenge: What I Will Miss About Summer: Swimming whenever I want. This is a pic of the largest pool in the world.
I think you are giving in way too much. You should not let her get to you that way. What happens if one of your close friends is in the hospital, and BM is there too, would you not go visit that friend just because she is there?
I would still go to the party because you have already told your friend you would be there. And I agree with Misa as well, if she makes a scene, just go with the flow. Let her say her peace and then say, 'I'm sorry you feel that way, but you already know my stance on this situation.' and then be done with it. People will see you are the level headed one and that she is being irrational.
I just heard pretty much the same opinion from my co-worker at lunch. I do agree that I am giving in to her. I just hesitate to knowingly putting myself in a situation like that. Why would I go to an event when I know I am going to be uncomfortable? I guess I just don't know why I should put myself in the situation, she has already caused enough drama in my life to last me awhile. I already have to see her on a regular basis at team events, which is bad enough. But my co-worker said she might be loud and obnoxious like she was last night, in reality she is probably scared of what I might say too. I was in the area where the wives wait after the game last night and she just waited outside, didn't come in or talk to anyone, and just glared at me. I avoided eye contact but I could feel her stare. yuck!
Regardless, this other couple knows what happened and we have said before that we don't want to put our friends in the middle. So I am not upset that they invited them. I was planning on going to the party knowing there was a chance she'd be there, just a little different when I now know for sure. I think we'll probably go right when it starts pop in for an hour and just hope they are late so we avoid them, which they usually are.
Thanks for the opinions! I just hate this crap, I'm too old for it!
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December