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Silly- but I need to get this off my chest
Let me preface this with I know this is silly, but it's really bothering me. One of my old college roommates is getting married at the end of the month up in Michigan. We invited them to our wedding but none of my old roomies came. I chaulked it up to most of them being out of work and not being able to afford a weekend away. Well I just assumed (I know I know) that we'd be invited to J's wedding. I am so looking forward to it and being able to see everyone again and head up to Michigan (which I miss terribly). Well seeing as the wedding is in two weeks, we're not invited and I'm hurt. I know there are probably a 100 reasons why we're not invited and I don't really talk with her at all anymore, but still we LIVED together and we were friends. As another slap in the face we've been invited to countless other weddings by people we hardly or don't know at all and this is one of those weddings of a couple that I truely care about. My other roomie is getting married in October but it's out in Vegas and we just can't swing a weekend away.
Oh and all the facebook status updates from all the mutal friends (and the bride) we have that are counting down to their wedding just isn't helping.
Now I know this is just a whiney post and I can and maybe should get flamed, but still it just hurts. Thanks for listening.
Re: Silly- but I need to get this off my chest
I'm sorry for the situation and your hurt feelings are definitely valid. I can give you the other side's perspective.
When we got married, I hadn't spoken to my old college roommate in a few years (Let's call her Beatrice). Beatrice invited me to her wedding a few years before mine but I didn't invite her to my wedding. We hadn't been that close in the past 10+ years since we graduated. I did talk to some of our other friends more often and invited 3 of them to my wedding.
Do I regret it now? Sometimes I do but at the time, we were paying for our own wedding and we had to cut the list somewhere and she didn't make the cut because I hadn't really talked to her in a few years.
Facebook wasn't around then so I don't know how that would've changed things but we had to make the decision and move forward. I've seen her since the wedding (she's in Toledo) and all seems to be okay.
So...no real happy ending here but I wanted to give you another perspective. Having said that, I enjoy Facebook but sometimes it feels like a "cliquey" high school.
*hugs*
It's not silly and to be honest, I'd probably feel the same way. That's why I'm of the "when in doubt just invite camp" and then it's up to the invitee to decide if it's worth their time and effort to come. We were invited to 2 weddings this year of old college roomates and friends who we also haven't talked to in a few years now. We did invite both of them to our wedding (which was the year after graduation) and both came to our surprise (we hadn't kept in touch since graduation). To be honest, I wasn't expecting invitations to them because we again hadn't kept in touch since but did feel warm and fuzzy inside to get invited and it was definitely great to see everyone.
To keep yourself from going crazy, might I suggest that you 1) congratulate the bride (and groom) to be either on facebook or in person and then 2) temporarily hide her and mutual invited friends from your feed until after the wedding has passed? I know that each day that you see a countdown status update will just be salt in the wound so at least this way maybe it'll be "out of sight, out of mind". Yes, I realize it's sometimes not that easy but it may help.
After the whole shebang is over, maybe you could also suggest that your old college buds get together (SOs welcome to join!) for dinner and drinks to catch up sometime. Who knows, you could have a great time or you may find that you've just grown too far apart and may not even want to be friends anymore...I tend to find the latter to be the case with older hs friends...but that's a different story in entirety.
Anyway...hope that helps and don't let it get to you
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I'd be upset. I had to cut a few old friends that I hadn't talked to in years that had invited me to their weddings due to budget. I didn't think much of it until it happened to me- then it made me sad I had to do it and sad that I was on the other end. but, think of it this way, no gift necessary! Just kidding...kind of.
Oh, and just my opinion, you should totally go to Vegas! I have always wanted to be invited to a Vegas wedding.
It sucks that you weren't invited but how close were you really? My college roommates and I were close in school but once we were done we went our seperate ways. We talk every now and then but I wouldn't be offended that I didnt't get invited to their weddings.
If you were close friends then you would have kept in contact over the years. Weddings are expensive especially when you add all the extra friends in that you are not close to.
Wish them congratulations and move on with your relationship with them. If you truly miss them as a friend try to reconnect after they are married.
I don't think it's silly. You cared about this person - maybe still do. You didn't really elaborate on how much contact you'd had with her since the roommate-ship ended.
The thing that caught my attention though was when you said you missed Michigan terribly. It sounds like you're bummed that those friendships aren't so close anymore, but it sounds like you're even more bummed that your excuse to head to Michigan for the weekend is out.
And for that I'd suggest going to Michigan for the weekend anyway. You don't have to go to the wedding. If a bunch of your old friends will be in town, why not see if you can schedule a lunch or brunch with a few of them during the 'down time' when they won't be preoccupied with the bride & groom.
Hit a few of the old haunts. I'm guessing if the wedding is Saturday, there's a few that have already planned a pub crawl or dinner out on Friday night. That might even be a better time since everyone won't feel all trussed-up in dress clothes.
Thanks for your insight ladies. I completely understand and agree with what all of you are saying. I remember how stressful it was planning a wedding and we had to cut some friends out too, but like one of the pp said you don't realize it can hurt until it happens to you. Now that I've gotten it out, I think I'm just going to wish the couple a great wedding and happy future and stop thinking about it.
Thanks so much for listening. This is just one of those things that DH can't understand and I knew you ladies would.