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Challenge: Engagement Rings & Prozac
So I have mentioned before that I am not married yet. Though my fiance and I have been living together for two years and live a "married" lifestyle, which is why I *LOVE* the nest 
** Fair warning.... this is a vent! haha
Anyways.. After being sure of our venue for our wedding the past six months, he decides to tell him he doesn't like it, along with my mother. And my mother and father are paying for a good chunk of the wedding so they are entitled to an opinion on everything. We are now on the hunt for a decently priced venue that pleases my mother financially and me on all other aspects. Well I am trying really hard not to be a "bridezilla" but I truly believe the world would be a better place is engagement rings came with a prescription to prozac. I still have plenty of time until the wedding (10/1/11) but come January, my plate is going to be completely full so I'm trying to get as much done now as I can. My "bridesmaids" are MIA all the time and can't seem to get any help from them and my future hubby could care less about the wedding as long as I show up! My mother is now VERY involved only because she felt threatened that my SIL was getting TOO involved. She is now constantly trying to talk me out of the elements of the wedding that are important to Matt and myself. I'm sorry to sound whiny, but why is it the second you get a ring on your finger you tend to lose control of the emotions you always had under control? How did you guys handle all the stress? Am I just completely being a crazy lady?
I feel better.. woo. Thanks for listening. Have a wonderful day all! xoxo
Re: Challenge: Engagement Rings & Prozac
Also love the title of your post
I was lucky, my mom was in Boston while I planned a CA wedding so no interference there. Plus they insisted on a second reception in Boston so I let her have carte blanche on that so she had her own little party to plan--worked out great. I think the key to getting through this will be to say calmly but firmly and as often as needed, "I really appreciate your help and opinion on this, but it's not what FI and I want for the wedding.". Since your FI isn't helping out much otherwise, I'd feel free to use him as the scapegoat as much as necessary
And make your FI get involved in the venue search, especially since he's the one that didn't like the first choice!
I have A LOT of free time at work, and I get in at 7:00 AM!
Thanks for the advice!
Planning a wedding is a full time job! And I just want everything very simple! I can't imagine planning an elaborate wedding!
Engagement is a tough time.
I say negotiate with your mom- let her have a few aspects that aren't as important to you- for example, I let my mom and sister choose the string quartet and ceremony and cocktail hour music (all of it). I let MIL hire a pianist and select the playlist for dinner hour. Choose 2 things that aren't that important (have her put together the DJ playlist and just ahem, tailor it, when you fork it over), something like that.
2 of my BMs were useless as well, so I understand- but some people have the mentality that all they are responsible for is to buy a dress and show up.
Remember that the wedding is just one day. Don't get so wrapped up in making the one day so perfect that you lose sight of what comes after- a marriage- a lifelong commitment, and the challenge (and joy!) of being a wife, first and foremost. Your mom may be exercising some of this control because she fears she is losing you, as her baby girl, as you transition into this grown up role as a man's wife.
Good luck!
My mother works full time and while we were wedding planning was working a lot of overtime too, so she didn't have too much time to really get too involved.
We had a little blow out about the guest list because she wanted to include her HS friends, her church friends (church I grew up in), and the neighbors. While I knew all these people, DH and I wanted to keep things as small as possible. Plus I knew that if my mom was able to invite all these people that we'd need to let MIL invite just as many if she wanted. But since my parents and MIL were splitting the bill I eventually let it go and invited everyone they wanted.
Most everything else was pretty smooth. DH was really involved in picking things out (I did almost all the research online first) and for the most part we agreed on everything. It sounds like your DH doesn't really want to be involved, yet still wants to have an opinion. I'd recommend that since you have the time to do the research, once you have the budget from your mom pick out a few new venues you really like the show them to your DH. Get his opinions first, then show the ones you both like to your mom and go from there. I'd recommend doing this for all your vendors. That way you can get your mom involved without her suggesting things you don't want or like, but have your DH's "blessing" about the vendors too before your mom falls in love with something.
GL!
My wedding planning process was very stressful... a lot of people had opinions and added stress. I didn't rely on my bridesmaids for anything (and wouldn't expect that of them)... but a few provided emotional support throughout the process. A few made it a pretty crummy experience and just exacerbated the stress.
DH didn't really have any role in the process either-- he got to choose what he wore but that's about it... it was mostly because of my family and their expectations of a wedding..
It's a tough process but in the end, you have a beautiful, memorable day and a person who completes you... and you get to start your new life together!