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Parental sexism
My friend and I were talking the other night. She has a theory that dads are (for lack of a better term) sweeter to their little girls and moms are sweeter to their little boys.
I always thought I was going to be a hardass disciplinarian as a mother. Now, I am a big ol' weenie. That kid can get away with murder around me (not really, but I am not nearly as strict and firm as I had imagined).
So, I am wondering if I am such a pushover because, 1. I am not the primary caregiver, therefore it's playtime with mommy, or 2. I am a sexist parent and if/when I have a daughter, I will be locking her in her room and breaking her beloved toys for the fun of it.
Thoughts? Comments? Observations?
Re: Parental sexism
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I think it entirely depends on the people, but there might be something to that. That is how it was in my house. I can only imagine that is how it would be with our kids as well, considering Kevin is silently hoping we have a girl (this must be a sign I will be unable to leave them alone).
Although I think if one parent takes the lead with the disciplinarian, the other might naturally be a little easier. Good cop, bad cop.
For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
My H has already said that if we have little girls, he is going to find it hard to discipline them. I have no qualms about being the disciplinarian. Working with 7th graders all day has shown me how I don't want my kids to act at the age of 13, so I'm planning on nipping everything in the bud early on.
But, I guess when I'm a mother, I'll really know . . .
Hmmm . . . my mom was more of a disciplinarian than my father was (I have one sister), but I think that's more because of their personalities than any gender roles.
It's interesting when we tell Ian "no," which I feel like we're doing a lot now that he's so mobile. F seems to be able to get his attention more, maybe because of his deep voice. Ian will stop what he's doing and smile, waiting for a smile back, then continue into trouble. F will not smile back, but it's harder for me not to reciprocate.
Thanks Noisy! Maybe you are a pushover. We were shopping for shorts and my H was paying attention to the price tags, "We should get these rather than these because they are so much cheaper." I was all, "ROBOT SHIRT!!! MUST HAVE!!"
Regarding the parenting thing, I too think it should totally depends on the parent's temperament. However, thinking of all of my friends and family with kids, I can totally see what my friend was talking about. The dads are less strict with their girls and vice versa. Perhaps I surround myself with a bunch of sexist a-holes in order to make myself feel better about my own tendencies.
Yeah, I learned that I'll have to be the bad cop after seeing how Mr. Spiderman is with the dog. He is such a sucker for her.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
my mom always says that my dad was harder on the boys than the girls. I certainly had him wrapped around my little finger.
I will be the disciplinarian no matter what since I am the meaner of the two between J and I. But . . . I do find I'm kind of sweet on Milhouse more so than Molly and KP. Not that he's my favorite, but he's momma's little boy. And yes, cats = kids. This has been long established.
This was SO HARD when I worked in day care. Also, when the kids swore. It's just instinct to giggle when a 3 year old knocks over a cup of juice and says "S--t!"
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
I can't imagine being any less strict with a son than a daughter. I do find discipline tougher than I had planned.
Mostly because by the time my kiddo gets home for the night we only have like 2 hours of good time together and it felt like I spent most of that time disciplining her at first. I hated that.
I also did not anticipate how utterly devestated she would be when I did get upset with her. IT literally makes me crumble to see her so upset. But I stand my ground and now I find it easier. Staying strong during the tough times make this part easier. She's far less difficult now and things are easier. So being stronger up front helps. I'm rambling...
I too am having a much tougher time with discipline than I anticipated, Lanie. It's hard not to laugh when she does something naughty. Plus she kind of just ignores me when I get firm, or she laughs herself. Way to take the wind out of my stern sails, Maggie Lou.
And this embarrasses me to admit but sometimes I find myself avoiding the discipline because I don't want to deal with the inevitable temper tantrum that will follow. So it's for my own immediate benefit versus the long term benefit of being consistent with her and setting limits. I'm working on that though.
This was absolutely true for my parents. My dad was much easier on me, and vice versa for my brother. It's still that way, actually.
Tasty, my boy cat is hands down my favorite. And since cats are the same as kids, I am worried that if we have more than one I'll have a favorite kid too.
The nerve!
House | Blog
I, at times, am guilty of this as well.
Don't get me wrong, Andy doesn't have the run of the house. He has certain things he is not allowed to do (hit, throw, play with certain things). It's just mainly that I cannot find my stern mom voice.
My H on the other hand has it down. I can tell Andy no 5,000,000 times and he keeps on going. My H can say it, from another room, and Andy stops.
My H and I decided what kind of parents we wanted to be before we had kids. We saw things that our friends and families did with their kids that we didn't want to do. We also see our friends contradict each other in front of their kids, and that is just bad news. We certainly have some bad habits that we have developed, but there are still things that we find important to stand behind.
So, because I have turned into such a weenie, when my H is stern, I have to tell myself to stay out of it because I know it is best for Andy to learn to not do X, Y, or Z.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I do agree with this. My mom was the youngest and ALWAYS took the baby's side. Always. "You don't know what it's like." My dad was the oldest and would alway say "They're a pain in the ass. I know." Dad always understood me more I think when dealing with the crazy younger brothers.
My little brother once hit himself with a nintendo console and then went screaming to my mom and said I did it. I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room. My dad was the one who said "uh, he probably did do that. Younger siblings do that stuff." Mom had clearly forgotten...
My H and my MIL were both middle children of 3, and they definitely are close. It grates on my nerves though when they get something that I don't, and one of them will say (jokingly) "It's a middle kid thing."
My mom and I are both the oldest and are close. My dad was only child but he and my younger sister are definitely closer. I've just always attributed it to similar personalities, though.
I also do that Kristen. On days when I'm exhausted I'll give in more. My mother reminded me that it was as much my job as my job job to raise a respectful kid so I sort of take that to heart. But there are days after bath and book and bedtime that I collapse on my bed thinking "how do people with 2 DO this?"
So clearly you have my respect. I'd have tossed at least one by now.
I am a middle kid. But I think we're only having two, so I will be unable to relate to either of my children, just as my mother is unable to relate to me, since she was the younger of two.
You should probably have another one just so you give Evie a shot at a relationship with her mother.
Just saying. It's the best thing to do for your family. I think Dr. Sears said that somewhere.
I'm the baby and so is Milhouse, so maybe that theory holds up. Though I'm pretty attached to Pickle already and s/he is obviously going to be the first born.
I used to worry about favoring a kid over another, but I really do love each of my cats the same (but different), even stinky old Molly. So I think I'll be okay.
Hm, I'm definitely the hardass/firm one at our house. But I think that has more to do with the fact that I'm at home with him all the time - I have a game plan going into each day, I have a decent shot at predicting how a lot of the day will go, I do the same discipline/rules over and over every day. I think this helps avoid a good amount of frustration on my part (although we all have our days) - normal developmental changes notwithstanding, it's pretty unusual for me to be caught too off guard.
Sebastian is more the softy but I think is also more susceptible to "argh, wtf do I do here!" just because he isn't at home as much. He also tends to feel bad and mention that he feels bad at the times he has to get stern with Matt. I on the other hand am like, meh, them's the rules around here pal.
The only times I feel bad is when my frustration clearly gets the best of me and I lose my cool momma composure.
BUT. The other day Matt was being weird, I was almost getting an "I don't like you mommy" vibe, and I was surprised how it preoccupied me. He was just having a bad day, everything was back to usual the next day, but who knows....maybe he really does have me wrapped around his finger.