Sex & Romance
adriannaryan
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
how to become newlyweds again?
my H and I have been together almost 10years and been married for almost 3 of those years
how do I get the newlywed feeling back? and what do you as a couple do as newlyweds?
Re: how to become newlyweds again?
You have gotten into a rut -- I suggest date nights and spicing things up a bit -- jump in the shower with him or vice versa -- a bubble bath for 2 is always nice.
Add some wine and some music on an ipod and some lit candles and the rest follows.
I just got married a few weeks ago, so I don't know how much I can help getting it "back" but I think can make a few suggestions.
My husband and I have been together almost four years, and every relationship goes through stages. Some are more intense, some are less intense. You won't get the constant "I have to be making out with you all the time!" back from the very beginning of your relationship, but there are ways to be closer and and make things fun. Don't spend too much time focusing on the past, focus on loving your husband as you are now and making the relationship fun.
I would suggest finding a hobby that can belong to the two of you, like running, tennis, reading together, fishing, anything! This does two things. It helps you laugh together, which always makes DH and I feel closer and more excited about our relationship, and it gives you something new to talk about and look forward to. You have to be intentional about spending time together with your new hobby, and also just time without distractions. It's amazing what can happen when you turn of the cell phones and laptops and television. We love to go walking, there aren't a lot of distractions and there's always stuff to talk about when we do.
Also, I don't think our relationship very different from before we were married. The biggest differences are well, sex, obviously, and living together. We have more time together now, and a lot more privacy. Just from my own experience, and by spending time with couples who have been together/married longer than us, I really believe that your relationship can stay exciting, as long as you understand it does take work. You have to be intentional about spending time together, flirting, finding extra "loving" things to do for each other, ways to let them know you're thinking about them even when they aren't there.
Communication is also vital, when you can talk about everything and do, you'll feel a lot closer, and a lot of other parts of the relationship will just fall in place. And don't be afraid to be silly! We love tickle/wrestling fights and reading funny websites together.
I hope I helped! Good luck
-Plan date nights. Go out to a movie, go out dinner or grab some ice cream from your favorite spot. If your town/city has a nearby park, go for a nighttime stroll and look at the stars, that'll help with the romantic aspect.
-Buy some toys and some new lingerie. You need to spice up your time in the bedroom! One day, while he is gone, clean the bedroom, wash the sheets, clean the whole room, bring in some scented candles (nothing overly scented) and light them at night. Buy some rose petals too and lay them on the bed. When he comes home, greet him in the new lingerie or leave him notes leading him to the bedroom with you laying on the bed waiting for him.
-Be spontaneous. Wake up in the morning and jump on top of him. Send him dirty texts all throughout the day. Send him some pictures if you're into that, and even if you're not, do it anyway. Jump in the shower with him. Walk up behind him and whisper in his ear that you can't wait to get him in bed.
Were you guys living together before you were married? Because I don't understand how people ever feel like newlyweds if they were already living together before they were married. I also don't understand how people can think marriage is such a life changing commitment if they keep divorce as an option if they become unhappy. Sorry, this probably isn't the place for me to rant about that, so anyway...
The "newlywed" feeling, will never completely come back. That might sound sad, but it isn't. When people say "the honeymoon is over" and things like that, it sounds so depressing, right? No, not really... We get married because we love someone enough to spend the rest of our lives with them. We want to get to know them better, take care of them, be with them. After the first year or so of marriage, you get to know them quite well. Life settles down and you truly realize you are a married couple. You share everything. Your lives have become one single life lived by two people. You may have some separate moments, such as in the workplace or hanging out with friends, but you still share everything with that one person. When you first get married, you step into a whole different world from dating. You are almost like two people who never really met before. Everything is different. Some people find there are a lot of things they don't like about this person, but that's normal. Once you get "reacquainted" with this person, you feel like some of the spice has died, but really, that's where the best part begins. Most people envy newlyweds, but I feel kind of sorry for them, because a lot of them won't know what hits them when the excitement wears off. They will think something went wrong. They don't realize that that's what marriage is really about...
It's wonderful you want to get that newlywed feeling back, and in small ways, you can. It's perfectly good and healthy, as long as you don't want it back because you think you lost it in the first place. Some moments in my marriage, I will look over at my husband and all the passion from the beginning flares up and I feel like I just met him. Those moments are great, but my favorite moments are the ones where I look over at him, and he looks at me, and we know exactly what the other is thinking, and I know he knows me, and I know him, and we're going to be like this forever.
Learn something new about him. Do something together you've never done before, because this will give you a chance to see a different side of him. I hadn't known that my husband had taken karate lessons as a kid, and one day while we were watching the karate kid (The old one, of course), he commented on it. So we both got up and he gave me a karate lesson! I thought it was the most awesome thing ever to watch him, because I hadn't realized he could do any karate! It was super fun! So, do something like that together. Go do something that he likes to do. Discover each other all over again.
Good luck with your marriage, dear, I hope you two remain very happy!! ^_^
Date nights are huge. We schedule at least one a month and schedule them out weeks in advance. BFF swears that by abstaining for a month or two brings the passion back very quickly.