Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
how to get our passion back..
so sorry this is so long
Hey everyone. This is my first post here. I?m a visitor from the knot. I just feel like this is a better place for this post. I?ve been with my FI for 5 years. Our wedding is two years from now. We currently live together for 2 1/2 years. When we first started going out I would stay at his place every weekend and we would have sex every night that I stayed with him. After about two years the sex started to slow down. I would get super insulted the nights we didn?t have sex and he would say I was stressing about it too much. When we first moved in together we would have sex all the time... It was amazing. Now that we have been living together for a while the sex has slowed down... Like a lot. We have sex about 2-3 times a month. I hate this. I try to talk to him about it and he gets super defensive. He tells me that I put too much pressure on him about sex. He says that he still finds me sexy and he still wants to have sex, hes just very tired. Now to be fair we both have very demanding careers. We leave for work at 8:30 and don?t get home until 8 or 9 most nights. Then we eat dinner watch TV and go to bed. I would be lying if I said I wasn?t always tired too.
I know I am part to blame for a few reason as well. I?m super sensitive. There have been a few times that I have tried to kiss him and put the moves on him and he would say he was super tired. So now every time I make a move, in the back of my head I think ?I?m going to be so humiliated if he rejects me right now?.. Like I expect to be rejected. The other thing is I?m shy and insecure about my body. I see posts on here about girls who walk around the house naked and wear heals with aprons around the house. I would feel sooo silly doing that. I mean I think its bad ass that you ladies do that. I just feel like I?m not that hot chick.. You know? I?m not huge... But I have a bit of chub. My butt is really big and I have a bit of a tummy. FI tells me all the time that I?m sexy and he loves me the way I am. To me though, unless I look like a supermodel I just wont look hot naked and in heals... Id just look like a fat girl naked in heals lol. So a big part of us not having sex is I very rarely try as much as I should because I feel silly. I don?t feel like a sexy women. I just feel like I?m dorky girl... Even though I?m a 25 year old adult with a successful career.
Then the final part of this all is that I think we already settled into married life. The excitement of living together is gone. I mean I LOVE living with him.. It?s just not new and crazy. Also, both my parents and his have awful marriages. We didn?t grow up in homes where our parents kissed each other randomly or stuff like that. Our parents both to this day fight a lot and say mean things to each other. This is something that always brought us together. We never want to be like that. We always treat each other with extra respect because of this fact. But neither of us had very good marriage role models. We have no lead to follow. You know?
I love FI. He's amazing. I just wish there was more passion. And with getting married I just worry more about our relationship... This probably goes back to the parents having a bad marriage thing. After writing this whole thing I think I just need to talk to him and say this all to him.. But any advice would be greatly appreciated as well.
Hey everyone. This is my first post here. I?m a visitor from the knot. I just feel like this is a better place for this post. I?ve been with my FI for 5 years. Our wedding is two years from now. We currently live together for 2 1/2 years. When we first started going out I would stay at his place every weekend and we would have sex every night that I stayed with him. After about two years the sex started to slow down. I would get super insulted the nights we didn?t have sex and he would say I was stressing about it too much. When we first moved in together we would have sex all the time... It was amazing. Now that we have been living together for a while the sex has slowed down... Like a lot. We have sex about 2-3 times a month. I hate this. I try to talk to him about it and he gets super defensive. He tells me that I put too much pressure on him about sex. He says that he still finds me sexy and he still wants to have sex, hes just very tired. Now to be fair we both have very demanding careers. We leave for work at 8:30 and don?t get home until 8 or 9 most nights. Then we eat dinner watch TV and go to bed. I would be lying if I said I wasn?t always tired too.
I know I am part to blame for a few reason as well. I?m super sensitive. There have been a few times that I have tried to kiss him and put the moves on him and he would say he was super tired. So now every time I make a move, in the back of my head I think ?I?m going to be so humiliated if he rejects me right now?.. Like I expect to be rejected. The other thing is I?m shy and insecure about my body. I see posts on here about girls who walk around the house naked and wear heals with aprons around the house. I would feel sooo silly doing that. I mean I think its bad ass that you ladies do that. I just feel like I?m not that hot chick.. You know? I?m not huge... But I have a bit of chub. My butt is really big and I have a bit of a tummy. FI tells me all the time that I?m sexy and he loves me the way I am. To me though, unless I look like a supermodel I just wont look hot naked and in heals... Id just look like a fat girl naked in heals lol. So a big part of us not having sex is I very rarely try as much as I should because I feel silly. I don?t feel like a sexy women. I just feel like I?m dorky girl... Even though I?m a 25 year old adult with a successful career.
Then the final part of this all is that I think we already settled into married life. The excitement of living together is gone. I mean I LOVE living with him.. It?s just not new and crazy. Also, both my parents and his have awful marriages. We didn?t grow up in homes where our parents kissed each other randomly or stuff like that. Our parents both to this day fight a lot and say mean things to each other. This is something that always brought us together. We never want to be like that. We always treat each other with extra respect because of this fact. But neither of us had very good marriage role models. We have no lead to follow. You know?
I love FI. He's amazing. I just wish there was more passion. And with getting married I just worry more about our relationship... This probably goes back to the parents having a bad marriage thing. After writing this whole thing I think I just need to talk to him and say this all to him.. But any advice would be greatly appreciated as well.
Re: how to get our passion back..
I'm sorry you're having these issues. I think I have a few suggestions that might help.
1. Ditch the tv time. Working such long hours and being tired by the time you get home and make dinner is understandable. But, try skipping tv watching for straight to bed-time. And then try and initiate. Don't be discouraged if nothing happens the first few nights, you guys might just fall asleep and catch up on those much needed z's. Tell your H you want to go lay in bed instead of watching tv. 1a. Try a walk around the block after dinner instead of watching tv, I find it very refreshing and it gives me a little energy.
2. About the walking around naked or cooking with only an apron, I completly understand, I am no stick figure. Try looking into some nice outfits like PP said. Fredericks of Hollywood has some really nice things that are sexy but still give coverage. Even a sexy nightgown could give you that sexy feeling without being over-the-top.
3. Please don't blame your parents or any body else's relationship for your or your H's intimacy issues. The sooner you address your issues the sooner you can fix them, rather than blaming something else. And trust me, I understand not having good role models, but I let them be the example of what not to do. Or what I won't let our relationship be like.
I hope that helps someway, GL! : )
Can you have a date night on one of your nights off, like a weekend night maybe?
Sometimes when things got hectic with us, we would schedule sex. I know it doesn't sound exciting, but gave us something to look forward to.
Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. And at the end, kiss him and stroke his ***. You will get some.
Oh and you could always let him "catch you" masturbating. And there is always sexting. Send him a pic of you playing with a nipple. That will help.
In our scenario, sex is hard to come by and so we have to enjoy our weekends as much as we can now. He works a day shift (8-430) and I work a night shift (3-1130). He goes to bed at 10, and I dont get home till almost midnight. So when I go upstairs just to let him know I am home (if he is awake) we get about 5 minutes. Fortunately, we both work only M-F so we have to make do on the weekends (and to boot, I am 32 weeks pregnant, so that doesnt help).
heyy daisy I personally don't think so that your FI don't have sex with you coz of tiredness coz sex is a activity which makes you relief from all day tired the reason is some other you should definitely talk to him frankly and ask the reason.. emotionally may he give you correct reason for it
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