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Infidelity-would you want to know?
Hi ladies, I have never posted anything in a community forum so this is all new to me so forgive me if I don?t use the correct acronyms, still learning the glossary. I have looked through some of the posts and noticed that there is a lot of encouragement and what seem to be great ladies here to bounce things off of.
My question is this?.would you want to know if your husband was having an affair?
I know a woman who (I think) has no idea her husband has been having an affair that quite some time. They have a young toddler daughter. I know the woman he is having the affair with also.
As a wife and mother, I think I would want to know if my husband was doing it. I really think I would, but then again, I?m not so sure. The last thing I want to do is hurt anymore or get involved. I guess more than anything I?m just wondering if you would want to know and what your thoughts are about this subject. As you can probably guess, it?s bothering me so I thought I would get your opinions.
Thank you Ladies.
Re: Infidelity-would you want to know?
I went through this recently. The husband was sleeping with the wife's best friend. I told the wife what I knew. She confronted them both, they denied it and I looked like an idiot.
The truth all came out a few months later. It always does.
It's a sucky situation to be in. Ask yourself....do you know for sure or do you just suspect? Do you think the wife suspects? Its very likely you could lose all of them as friends, are you okay with that?
I am positive that it's happening. I've seen emails and messages from him to the woman he's having the affair with. I know that he has no intention of ever leaving his wife and daughter for the other woman. Do they ever? So, i'm guessing he would lie and I bet you're right, I would end up looking like the idiot. I know that I need to stay out of it. It's just hard watching this all go on. The whole situation is just bad and I am pretty sure the wife has no idea but then again, most times women suspect when something isn't right but who knows. Thanks for responding. Your thoughts made me think about losing them as friends. It's not an easy situation to be in.
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I would want to know and would most likely understand but feel betrayed if people knew and said nothing.
If you do say something you have to be prepared to potentially lose the friendship. I have sadly had to do this before but I loved my friend enough to do what I thought was best for her and not easiest for me (turns out two of our other best friends had known for a whole year but I've never told her that they knew). We're still friends and every situation is different but even if a stranger knew I'd want to know.
I would definitely want to know, if only to make sure my Dr did a full STD panel at my next annual.
If a friend knew and didn't tell me, I would feel twice as hurt and betrayed once I found out.
I would definitely want to know, but I am of the don't get involved in other people's business camp.
Unless she is a very dear friend that you want to be there for and support, I would drop a vague, anonymous line. That way it is up to her whether she chooses to know or not, as some women do not.
Also, I cannot help but wonder if this is not an active poster, or someone who knows a poster here.
This.
FCB --- the drama you are stirring up! LOL you're going to have every woman here wondering if it's her husband!
My take is .... if you are 1000% percent positive and have some way to present proof, then find a way to tell her.
I'm imagining two scenarios though ... if a friend knew and didn't tell me, I'd feel so embaressed and even more betrayed. But on the other hand, imagine the situation? Your friend telling you that your husband is having an affair? That would be a VERY uncomfortable conversation, and I wouldn't want my friend that involved in my marriage. I also don't know that I'd want to hear what they have to say. Mostly because I know my friends' first words would be, "Leave the bastard" and depending the situation, I don't know that I would (and don't any of you ever repeat that to my husband, hahaha). My first instincts would be to talk to my husband and I'd have no interest in sitting there talking with a friend about it.
So if you do tell her, be very careful about how and when you do it.
Thanks to all of you for posting advice and giving your input. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I'm not an active poster here but I have been more of a lurker here (is that what you call those who read but don't post or respond?
) and have been for some time before feeling comfortable enough to post this. I can assure you it's none of you ladies that have responded and I want to reassure each of you of that. 
In this situation, I know the other woman, not the wife. However, but I feel terrible for the wife and I can't stopt thinking about if I was in her shoes. I would want to know my husband was doing it. It's happened to me and in the end I felt like the joke was on me. It's just not fair to her.
Wait..so is the wife someone that posts on this board but didn't respond to this thread?
I'm confused by how you know- you read these people's e-mails but aren't close enough to them to know the guys wife?
sorry, but I call MUD. especially with the copy and paste font. who asks the question, "would you want to know", especially of a current affair? OF COURSE you would want to know, that can't possibly be meant as a real question.
I know because the other woman is my friend and I also somewhat know the husband due to their affair. I don't know his wife at all but I know of her. The other woman and I work together and she has shown me emails and I've heard phone conversations. It's been going on so long that I feel like I somewhat know him.
I did copy and paste the initial posting. To be honest, it was my first posting and I wanted to type it out and be sure I read through it and articulated myself correctly and spoke the right words before posting. I've never done this before so I was being cautious. I can see that certain things are taboo in the forums and wanted to make sure I was expressing myself properly. I can tell now that I have to be careful with what I say as my comment above made someone think it could possibly be someone in this forum. I realize now that I may have opened a can of worms and didn't mean to. I was just trying to get other wives opinions as to how they would feel if they were the one finding out. That's all. The reason I ask that is because I think about being a mom with 2 little ones. I think I would want to know, but would I? You say that I would and that it wasn't meant as a possible "real question" but it was. I think about my world crumbling around me by finding out something like this and as much as I'd like to think I would want to know I'm not sure that I would.
I certainly didn't mean to make anyone think this isn't a genuine post or anything of the sort. I'm merely trying to work through my thoughts and feelings about this situation and being a part of it. It's been going on so long it's to the point of being ridiculous and honestly, I feel bad for the wife. That's all.
I believe you and I know how "scary" it can be to post for the first time.
Honestly, I wouldn't tell the wife if I were you..I would try to knock some sense into my friend!
Since you're not friends with the wife, I would stay out of it. You'll definitely lose your friendship with the other two (although I'm not sure I would want to be close friends with a girl who was okay with dating married men . . .).
I would answer differently if you were a good friend of the wife. . .
It was really scary! I've seen some people say the wrong thing and get blasted for it. I just realized that MUD must have meant something and went to the gloarry and found out it means Made Up Drama. do you always have to be so carefuly as to what you say and how you say it? I don't know the rules yet but I couldn't believe it when I saw that. Do people get on here just to stir up drama? I've seen a little bit of it while lurking but is this something that's common? I'm not into that.
I appreciate the input because not knowing the wife has been my biggest struggle with telling her. If she was my friend I would tell her. At first it didn't bother me but the more I watch it go on it makes feel worse for her. I'm not sure if it will ever end until they finally get caught becuase my friend and the husband have years of history. He hides it via work email/phone so I'm sure his wife has no idea. I finally told my friend to quit telling me because I feel bad for the wife and I don't think she appreciated it but oh well.
Thanks again to those who responded with thoughts of encouragement and advice.
1. Yes, I would want to know.
2. I don't think I would be able to keep a friendship with a person who is having an affair with a man she knows is married.
3. Since you don't know the wife, I don't see how you could tell her. To her, you're just a stranger and she'd probably just think you were making it up.
(Don't be scared to post here. If you're sincere, the ladies are very helpful and friendly.)
ditto and ditto.
Has this question been answered yet?
In general: I don't know if I would want to know or not. More specific: I would not want to find out from a stranger and I sure as hell wouldn't want to find out about it from a message board.
If I were you, I definitely wouldn't tell the wife (though, if she posts here and you apparently know her screenname, you kind of already have), but I'd consider telling your "friend" just what a crappy thing she's doing and encouraging her to break it off.
Yay, I know its not me - no kids here . . . phew
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And by the way . . . welcome to the board!
Cheating exposes the other spouse to many risks. Health, financial and emotional risks. I think it's only fair to make everyone aware that life as they know it is on the line.
I guess I'm wondering those of you who say to butt out - If I knew your DH was cheating on you, you honestly seriously would not want to know?