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WWYD or HWYF?
Ok, I hope I don't sound like a selfish cow, but give me your honest opinion.
My FIL has been sick the last few months (diagnosed with lung cancer) and I know my MIL has been busy taking care of him, but he is pretty self sufficient right now (still works, etc.), so thankfully he isn't bed ridden or anything. My b-day was last month and the day came and went without even a "Happy Birthday" from my IL's and I was a little hurt, 'cause I always remember everyone's b-day's, anniversaries etc. DH never said anything to her 'cause he felt she was going through a lot with his dad and my b-day was the least of her concerns (understandable, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt my feelings). Well, their wedding anniversary and her b-day are both coming up in a few weeks and am I supposed to happily hand them gifts? I feel like if my b-day came and gone without acknowledgment, why should I acknowledge theirs? Am I being a ***? Please be honest...maybe I should be a little more sensitive to what they're going through? =/
Re: WWYD or HWYF?
Normally, H and I take care of gifts for our respective family members. Not sure what you usually do. I would be hurt as well, especially if they are ones to celebrate birthdays and such.
Perhaps your H could mention your birthday to them in passing. Maybe with all the chaos they just forgot. Unless that's just a bit too passive-aggressive.
If she always remembers and this year she forgot, I would forgive her. Having to deal with cancer is huge, whether he is going to work or not.
That said, my MIL doesn't even know when is my birthday. come to think of it, only my close friends, my mom and DH wish me happy birthday. No inlaws. It's not such a huge deal to me anyway, so I would just let it slide. But it's just me.
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Once DH and I got engaged, I took over the gift purchasing roll (lucky me). So, I do all the shopping for both of our families. But now I feel like if he doesn't remember, then oh well...not my problem, it's his family. But then there is the side of me that would feel bad. =/ I hate being nice! lol
I don't know if I'd want him to say anything to them at this point, it's been like 3 weeks. I kind of wanted him to take it upon himself and say something like "ooh, you missed my wife's b-day", but he didn't. I totally would have said something to my mom...and usually remind her that's DH's birthday every year (he's the week before x-mas and most people usually forget it due to all the holiday hype).
Yea, she usually does remember my b-day every year, so I'm sure it probably wasn't intentional, but like I said, I'm still hurt by the fact that it wasn't even acknowledged...and now what do I do? Give her gifts for their occasions with a smiling face? I'm sensitive. =/
I guess in your situtation, being you don't celebrate each other's b-days, it doesn't matter...so, I'd definitely feel the same way if that was the case.
Even though it hurts to be forgotten, I'd chock it up to circumstances and charge forth celebrating her birthday, etc. It's hard to be a grown-up!
well...i'd definitely feel hurt, but i think i'd also let it slide due to their circumstances.
one of my closest friends forgot my birthday for the first time this year, and i had to let it go because her dad was diagnosed with cancer in january, and she's emotionally unavailable to deal with pretty much anything else than him right now. it's just one of those things.
your H and mine sound similar...or maybe it's you and me. either way, i can relate to that feeling of "i wish he had said something without me having to ask him to do so..." in my experience, MH doesn't even know when he's missed an opportunity to "stand up" for me, and does everything he can to rectify the situation. maybe you should talk to him more about it.
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This exactly. Since you said that your MIL always remembers your birthday and this year she's going through tough times, I'd try to let it go. I know it can be hard, but you know it wasn't intentional on her part. And yes, I'd go ahead with MIL's birthday, although I may ask DH to take care of the present/cards/flowers, etc.
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Agreed!