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How would you handle this?
HH is going to be a groomsman in a college friend's wedding on August 7th. I have not been looking forward to this wedding because the only people I will know there are the bride and groom (and I barely know them-- "have met them" would be more accurate). The last time we went to a wedding for a couple of Matt's college friends, it was one of the most miserable evenings of my life, partially because of his ex-girlfriend and partially because everybody else knew each other and had a fantastic time catching up while ignoring me
Anyhoo. The groom for this one had told Matt that they had rented out a multi-room "cabin" at the resort for the groomsmen for the week
before the wedding, and my understanding had been that there would be a room for us to stay in for Thursday and Friday night. But then the groom sent out an email with actual details to the groomsmen. I haven't had a chance to discuss this with Matt yet, but I'm a bit irritated. What do you think?
For those of you bringing either a wife or girlfriend with you, let me know what their expectations are. What are yours? Maybe Friday night before the wedding can be all guys in the cabin? Maybe we don't want that? Either way, there are plenty of places for the girls to stay if they feel comfortable with that.
Now I am REALLY dreading this wedding! From the sounds of it, they would have to fill every bed in the cabin to accommodate everyone, and there are two double beds to a room. I'm having a hard time coming up with a hypothetical sleeping arrangement that doesn't bug me at least a little (sharing with another couple, or all of the girls in a couple of rooms together with the guys in other ones?). But I really don't want to be packed off to some church basement floor with a bunch of girls I've never seen before in my life (especially since they were all friends in college). We can't squeeze a hotel room into the budget right now, so I'm seriously contemplating letting Matt go down alone and then I make the 2-hour drive in the morning of the wedding. Suggestions?
Re: How would you handle this?
I'd have HH talk to the groom about it. I don't think it'd be so bad to just have to share a room with another couple. But if they are going to be splitting you up and having girls stay some random place, I'd just stay home!
Annoying - then you have to drive home seperately (2 hours again) after the wedding ends on Saturday if you went in the morning of rather than sleep over.
(What is with the night before sleepover requests of the WP? This isn't 7th grade anymore - and I'd seriously just suggest getting a hotel but if it's not in your budget it's not and I don't blame you for not wanting to sleep in some big room with a bunch of girls who all know each other and ignored you at the last college reunion (i.e. wedding) you guys went to...)
I don't think it would be as bad if you were to share a room with another couple but I'd draw the line at the big group Kumbaya sleepover with a bunch of girls you don't really even know.
Thanks for the perspectives. I need to sit HH down tonight and figure out what the plan is. I'm glad you guys don't think I'm completely off-base for not being all up for this.
This couple means well and all, but they definitely seem to have forgotten that everyone's lives don't revolve around this day of theirs. The same email contained a lot of hinting about a bunch of activities that the boys could do for a bachelor-party type deal. I don't think the groom is supposed to be arranging a bunch of semi-mandatory (and expensive) activities for the groomsmen for days leading up to the wedding! Argh. But I've only been involved with small, fairly casual weddings, so what do I know?
Oh snap. The bride just sent me an email! The groomsmen are going to be staying in the cottage, and they want all of the WAGs to stay in two hotel rooms (with one bed each) in the next town over. There are five of us!
She think that I'll enjoy being with the group, since they are all "strong Christian women." I don't really want to share a bed with anyone except Matt, no matter how strong the faith of the person in question is.
I thought this was a wedding, not a spiritual retreat.
So it looks like I'll be doing the driving.
Um, yeah. I don't blame you one bit on the driving.
Side note - the only mandatory thing for WP attendants (and that includes GMs) is that they be there on the wedding day. They don't HAVE to go the night before, or to any other pre-wedding events or brunches after, etc...unless your DH really wants to go up there the night before, he certainly doesn't HAVE to and he'd be within his rights to decline and for you two to be able to drive up together on Saturday. Just sayin'.
I'm late to post, i wanted to respond yesterday and i forgot and then we had no power.
That is crazy i totally agree with you driving down, you are right its a wedding not a spiritual retreat. If you and hubby cant do a hotel room on your own the night before then id drive too, that is so weird, its not like you know these other girls. good luck!
Hey Kelly, I'm late to this post as well, but I thought I'd offer a slightly (ok totally!) different opinion. You said that these girls are all friends, and that you've had to spend time with them before, right? Is this something that you forsee happening in the future as well? Like, will you be put into situations (weddings, parties, baby showers, just general nights out...) with this group of girls, and their husbands ever again? I'm just curious, because this could be an opportunity for you to get to know them a little bit, which will make all those future nights more fun for you. I know it sounds crazy and not so much fun for this upcoming wedding, but it could be in your best interests to make friends with them if your husband is good friends with their men.
The reason I say this is because when I first started dating HH, his friend group was pretty intimidating. They had all gone to university together, as had HH's ex-gf. So when I first met them, I got a rather chilly reception from his friends gf's. At first I didn't really want to party or hang out with them because they were ALL friends, and I would kind of sit there and feel left out. But when I realized that these were the girlfriends of his best friends, and that they were just as likely as I was to be around for the long-term, I made an effort to get to know them. I'm so glad I did! Now most of us are either married or engaged, and pretty much every social occasion we spend it together. And this past year, when HH and I were living apart, I was living with one of those girlfriends! We're great friends now.
So as uncomfortable as it might be at first, it could be a really great opportunity for you to get to know these girls. And the fact that the guys won't be around will really force you to talk to them, and for them to talk to you. I'm willing to bet that if you share a hotel room, they're not going to ignore you the whole night! You could walk out of it with some really great friends...and if you don't, well...it was only one night!
No, probably not. I've never seen this particular group of girls before, and it's doubtful that I'll ever see any of them again. Matt and the groom were really good friends with each other in college but moved in different circles; he hasn't stayed in touch with anybody in the WP except for the groom. They mostly live out-of-state, too. So, while it's not impossible to suppose that I might see them again, I really don't think it's likely at all.
Ugh. I'm just going to drive in Saturday morning, but I'm not happy about it. Matt and I are scrapping about it a bit; it's not that he thinks I need to go crash with these girls, but he doesn't understand why I'm so annoyed about the whole situation. To be completely honest, I'm not sure why it's bothering me so much, either. I just feel incredibly insulted by the whole thing.