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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Poll: Porn
Not including using it together, which I suppose is a different issue, is porn cheating?[Poll]
Re: Poll: Porn
LOL
i guess i kinda think of it the same way i do a wife who's a flirt. it's not cheating to flirt with every guy you see, but it's also not healthy and can be harmful to your marriage.
I guess I think of sex as a very personal thing. Its something that DH and I can share together, but its also something we might like to do on our own.
but when you're using porn, you're not on your own. you're involving other people, albeit one-way.
Other: I guess maybe I should have said "no" bc I don't think it's cheating. However I responded other bc I think it's a situational thing. There are a number of situations that would have different impacts on a marriage. Maybe one can't meet the other's frequent needs- it could fill the gap and keep them both happy. Maybe it fills another gap in terms of viewing the opposite gender, again, possibly happy and healthy. Then there are the negatives, maybe it makes one person insecure. Maybe it interferes with their sex life.
I personally don't believe there is a blanket statement regarding whether it's good or bad for a relationship.
I agree. I just don't want him doing it with somebody else. If he's not only thinking about, but looking at another woman and having sex, that is cheating.
::Snort:: I love this comment
This - I don't think its cheating, but if it is effecting the physical relationship of the couple in a negative way then I think its "wrong."
I was thinking the same.
Sorry - duplicate!
I answered no to the poll, but whose DH actually admits to imagining other women during sex? Mine sure doesn't.
Unfortunately, I have to say "depends." Of course I prefer that my husband never think about anybody but me sexually and to be totally present with me when we're together. Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine, because I've never been one to fantasize about other people. But if my husband feels the need to think about somebody else to get off or feel gratified, then that is a problem to me. The idea of monogamy is that you are making a choice to have one person meet your romantic and sexual needs and to be that for them. Thats why we talk about these things and make every possible effort to be there for each other in the way that our partner needs.
Well this is certainly not the type of thing I ask him about regularly. However, if I do it, I'm sure he does it
(GASP, I'm such a perv).
I just don't think porn is cheating at all. I know there are situations where it can become a problem in a relationship, but just looking at porn every now and then? Not a big deal to me. My husband is gone for 12-14 days at a time sometimes, and I have no problem with him having some private sexual thoughts. I wouldn't want him saying, "Oh honey, tonight, I'm going to imagine you are this woman I saw in a porno last week." Or "Honey, can you dress up like your friend so and so tonight?" He'd probably get slapped. I also don't have any desire to watch porn with him ... but I think it's great for couples who do that. I'm sure we do some stuff in our private time together that other couples wouldn't do, but I certainly hope they wouldn't judge me for having a healthy sex life with my husband. A big part of a marriage is sex, and syncing sexually. So I'd expect every couple to have very different habits in that area. And to that point, I can see how/why some women would have a problem with it, and don't judge them for that either. The key is for each person in the relationship to come to an agreement, damned what everyone else thinks
I disagree. If I am watching it alone in my room, then its something I'm doing on my own. Not with other people.
I like to read trashy romance novels. Is that cheating? I love the sex scenes in Sookie Stackhouse books. And once or twice, I may have imagined Eric Northman. I don't see that as any different that watching porn or looking at a Playboy magazine.
ERIC!!! When I saw the question, I thought about him too, lol!
I chose "other" in the original poll because I don't care if my DH gets a thrill or whatever by looking at super fake or super photoshopped imagery. If he does, he keeps it private out of respect for me, and I likewise don't tell him about my mental obsession with certain viking vampires. (Although he does give a funny kind of look when Eric appears on the screen when we're watching True Blood.)
It would be a different story if he couldn't have sex with me or even get turned on without it, though. In that case, I'd be wondering if he had a "consumed by pornography" problem.
Don't ask, don't tell! He doesn't need to know what I'm thinking about during sex. But of course, he may be thinking of Brooke Burke and I'm cheating on him with my grocery shopping list...
HAhahahahaha!
i haven't read through this thread - so this may have been addressed... but what about self pleasure??? It's not a part of the 'marriage' -- so wrong?
fwiw, i voted no. I think if there are limits and boundaries that are understood between two people in a relationship (and it's all legal) I have no problem with it. Everyone has different needs, desires, ect - and those change and adjust as years go on. I'll stop before I dig myself in a hole. I think I have a pretty liberal take on this and other things in this arena.
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This 100%. To each their own, really. If your husband AND you are ok with it then that is your business. I am not ok with it and don't agree with it at all so catching my husband with porn when he knows how I feel would be upsetting for me.
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In the Catholic pre-marital class we had to take, yes they said it was wrong because it was depriving the other person and you weren't going to the other person to get your needs met.
I certainly don't agree and believe that people need to be able to have private sexytime if they like. I also think porn can definitely be a problem in a relationship, but is not the same as cheating. It's more about the objectification of women that I have a problem with. That being said, I may or may not have checked out porn myself of imagined various men besides DH. Shhh...