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Groomz almost gets the herp from a commie
One of the directors of the festival was Russian, and was terribly proud of his film, and of his tongue. My story is not so funny when reading, but is terribly funny when I tell it in person with my russian accent, which is eerily similar to my Italian, Irish, Yiddish, Australian and Klingon accents. But I will try to type phonetically to ensure the funny remains intact.
So Ixvelgenov spent the better part of the weekned haunting me. Part of my job is to make sure guests such as him are taken care of (meaning picked up from the hotel and taken to their screenings and things like that). So he is given my cell phone number, which of course makes me his ***. Or in Russian, his beevchek.
'Groomz, I am needink rchide from hotel to party. You come and get me'
I do this.
'Groomz, I am needink taxikab for changing of the pants in ze room'
I don't know what this means, but I get him a cab.
'Groomz, why film ees not sellout? I am in softbul feeld yistardiy and am talking to ze homosexuls and are saying Ixvmandilorinov, I am lofink you and am so exsaitid for the seeink the movieshowinks. But softbul players are not to comink. Why is happenink?'
I play dead.
'Groomz, I am meetink your husband, and he is making you veery naice couplink. How do u like my pants?'
blink
'Here comes Yeemie now. Yeemie, I am tellink Groomz what beautifool couple you are makink'
At this point, he does the 'group hug with me and yeemie, and then begins to make out with our ears. Yeemie and I pretty much hid from him the rest of the night.
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
Re: Groomz almost gets the herp from a commie
In my head, as I read this, it was your voice from the live-action Robe video, but with a Russian accent. And it was hilarious. He really made out with your ears?
yep. It started with kisses on each of our cheeks, which were a little wetter than your average cheek kiss, but some people are just wet kissers, so we both let that past, and as we leaned in for a hug, we both got a little bit of tongue on the ear, which is when we hightailed it out of the room.
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
i hope you charged him with rape
Whatever for? He didn't lie to them.
well how would you know with that accent?
YES! he even looked like him but with a suit and dark sunglasses
Oh god. I hope (for Groomz's sake) that he didn't look like Zamir.
I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy
Love is what I feel for you Groomz. I'd make out with your ears any time. And Yeemie's too.
Just keep that in mind for the future
:
Claire Elizabeth 12/31/2011
Married Bio
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
I don't think I can express how much I've been needing a Groomz story in my life.The cab part and "Plays dead" made me shake with giggle fits.
Moar!