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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
The time has come
again, to consider marriage counselling. Our communication level has deteriorated far below the acceptable level and it's creating several other issues in it's wake.
Who's done it? any tips? How succcessful was it?
Re: The time has come
Ah, crap Sam. I guess that fight you had must have been a doozy.
I am of no use here, as I do not have experience to share. Just wanted to say sorry you are dealing with that.
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One of my best friends went through counseling a year or 2 ago. She said it was the best decision she made. It really has helped their communication as well as helped them become aware of their bad habits with it. She thought it was great because a lot of stuff is difficult to talk about - for example if he said something to upset her she didn't want to respond right away because she was so angry she would flip. But then if she waited she would be rehashing old shiit. It gave them a place to discuss things without being accusatory. They have been fine for a while but still go periodically to keep themselves in line.
Is he up for it as well?
For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
if he said something to upset her she didn't want to respond right away because she was so angry she would flip. But then if she waited she would be rehashing old shiit.
jesus christo, that's it in a nutshell! Except he's me and she's he
He's up for it because I'm insisting it's the only way forward. clearly, what we've tried so far (sticking our heads int eh sand) isn't working.
I did couples, but not marriage counseling. I think both people have to be in it for similar reasons. For me, he went solely to keep me from leaving him, not because he had any desire to have our relationship improve.
I also think it is key to pick the counselor together and have equal responsibility in the decision and work it takes to schedule the appointments etc.
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If I were a man (or fitty) I'd totally call my penis THE WIZARD - HappyTummy
Book Review Blog
If I were a man (or fitty) I'd totally call my penis THE WIZARD - HappyTummy
I think that is a common issue for most couples, really.
Well then rest assured it will probably do wonders for the two of you. Good luck - once you get over the stigma of it all I think it kind of teaches you how to fight.For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
please don't. i'm looking for the good/bad/ugly.
Andy wants things to improve as much as I do, he just doesn't like asking for outside help to find direction.
Um, ME!
It is without a doubt the SMARTEST thing we've ever done. It sounds weird but we never "learned" how to be married...if that makes sense. We weren't communicating well at all, so the dumbest shiit would turn into WW3. It didn't help that we were both clinically depressed and living in a city where we knew no one. Anyway.
I pretty much got our counselor's name from our insurance website, but we really lucked out. She's great, has a good sense of humor, doesn't judge...I will say that we couldn't do it if we weren't both 100% on board. You both need to commit to the work it takes, however frustrating it gets. And it does get frustrating.
I'm sure none of that helped, but hang in there!
I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy
If you have a general practitioner you trust, you can usually get a good rec from him/her!
I'm a huge advocate of counseling in general- both of us go solo every few months as preventative maintenance (lots of crazy on my mom's side). Both of us are also totally open to going together too, just to keep our relationship healthy.
It's REALLY important to find someone that you're both comfortable with, though, and to not give up if the first person (or first couple of people) you see aren't a good fit.
Planned Executed
I've gone twice by myself and DH has gone once by himself - both to the same lady though she was very careful not to talk too much about the other person. We wanted to try it separately at first and felt so much improvement that we never went back as a couple. I was dealing with some health stuff that was making me feel super bummed and it was rubbing off on him so we learned how to communicate about it and get through it. So I think there is definitely some benefit even if you go a couple times by yourself first. It was crazy how well this lady pin pointed exactly what I was dealing with. It felt like she was in my head.
Good luck Sam!!!!