Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What do you do to spice things up or keep things spicy?
We watch porn together - nothing too hard core, but it helps with my arousal issues (it is generally very difficult to get me aroused)
I've discovered the joys of masturbation (as posted below) and do it before intercourse.
I'm not into dress up, lingerie, candles or oils. I've also never experienced any other toys besides the simple bullet that I just bought.
TTC #1 and Only Since August 2008
DH: Severe Male Factor Infertility (Diagnosed July 2009)
Me: Clean bill of health
2 IVF w/ICSI cycles + 2 FET = 3 BFP = 3 Chemical Pregnancies
FET #2 = BFN
Tired of IVF - Trying for a miracle with IUI
IUI #1 - 1.1 Million Motile = BFN
Surprise Natural BFP on 1/10/12...Praying this is our take home baby
Re: What do you do to spice things up or keep things spicy?
Maybe sex games? There are some less-cheesy-than-sex-dice ones here:
http://greatsexgames.com/store.html
Adding a challenge to the mix may make it more exciting.
You don't have to dress up, but have you tried roleplaying? You can pretend you're all lily white and innocent, and ooh, big, strong, sexy man, what are you doing to me? Something like that.
Maybe explore with more toys. Do you use your bullet with your guy? Have you played with tying him down/him tying you down? Blindfolds? You should go sex toy shopping together! Make a date of picking out new toys... even if you don't come home with anything, maybe the visit alone will get you going.
I agree PIP! We bought new toys and try them out.. We make the dates to go shopping for new stuff
DH gets turned on by watching me play prior to BD.. My DH loves regular dresses and it turns him on..
We try new stuff all the time..
good luck..
i got some sex coupons at my bachelorette party! they are great.
i personally like our fuzzy handcuffs...last time we used them, i laid in the bed unable to move for like an hour. it. was. awesome.
My hubby and I try to go to the Hustler store at least once every other month. We don't intend to buy anything (usually we do end up getting something) but we go and look around, get ideas of our own, or find a new lube/lotion/mouth spray to try. It's always a special trip with lots of hand holding/anxious touching on the drive home (since it's about an hour drive from our place).
OR a few weeks ago on hubby's birthday we went to dinner and Barnes & Noble afterwards and sumbled upon there Love & Sexuality book section. It had everything from the Kama Sutra to Sex for Dummies (which is actually a pretty good read). Anything to keep both our interests up is definately a good thing!
^_^
I also have arousal issues due to being sexually abused as a child. Have you went to see anyone about your arousal issues to discover why you have them? It sounds like you have a normal sex drive, so the issues with arousal must be stemming from something either past or present that could probably be taken care of with the right help.
In my opinion, porn is not a healthy way for you or your husband to get sexually aroused, together or separate, especially if you become reliant on watching porn to get turned on. It takes a lot for us women to get turned on, and all it takes (in most cases) is a husband who is willing to take some time for foreplay. Even when I am positive I can't get turned on, my husband can always get me aroused if we just take some time for it. I'm usually the one who wants to skip the foreplay because I am so confident I won't be able to get turned on, but then he'll give me a massage, talk about how much he loves me, and makes it all about me.
I am not trying to imply that your husband doesn't do these things for you, but maybe you two should evaluate your sex life, taking out all of the extras (like the toys and the porn) and see what you have left. My husband and I have several different toys that we use because it's fun and sexy to try new things, but we don't rely on them.
Once again, I'm not trying to say I completely understand your situation or that I know anything at all for that matter, but we have gone through some hard times, and worked through them together, all without porn or anything else. Sex is about love, as you're well aware, and if you both make it all about each other, you'll see massive differences, I'm sure.
Good luck!
Thanks for all of your suggestions. We are definitely going to head to the "toy store" for some toys.
To the poster who discussed my arousal issues stemming from something else - I think it has to do with my inability to turn my mind off. I also have trouble sleeping and relaxing in general. It is more of a relaxation issue than anything.