Groomz - storytime request

CaliopeSpidrman · July 2010

I want to hear "Power goes to Groomz' head and BAM...you're fired" today.

GroomzMcFinehiney · July 2010

Power goes to Groomz' head and BAM...you're fired

by Groomz McFinehiney

As the Volunteer Coordinator, I work with folks who are giving up their time to help out for free, so folks get away with a lot more than they would if they actually recieved a paycheck. By the time the festival was over, I had fired 5 unpaid workers.

Three of these were simply folks who were not dependable. I do not like people to come late. You come within 5 minutes of the time I come, or I'm working too hard and will lose interst in you. But back to work talk...

So the first intersting firing story, (also known as Groomz and the Drunk and Disorderly something something something) begins on a rainy July evening. The streets of Philadelphia are ripe with the essence of horses and hobos. Our hero has spent the afternoon catering to the needs of dozens of filmmakers and hundreds of patrons who are begging to bounce their quarters off his posterior. Groomz is not a fan of this practice, as quarters that bouce off return to the original owner of the quarter, and go against the cardinal rule, stating 'anything that touches my hindquarters shall remain the sole possession of Groomz and his junk.' These people just don't respect the McFinehiney.

Anyways, Grooms, who is tired of talking about himself in the third person and will now switch person numbers and hopes to trasition seamlessly, was on his way to the theatres to make sure things were running well. The evening shift had just began, and one of our volunteer managers was on duty. He showed up to his shift drunk and made a few comments to the lesbian attendees about his ability to change their persuasion. I asked him to leave, and gave him the opportunity to come back to his next shift provided he was sober. Usually, I would also ask to see his junk (I don't think it's sexual harassment if they're not actually an employee) but he was not so attractive.

He returned to the same venue later that night, even drunker, with his fly down and his shirt tail poking out (luckily that was the only thing poking out) looking for someone to talk to. BAM Fired.

The second story involved a peripheral friend, who we'll call Beth, since that is her name. Beth is also quite drinky, but does not show up to work drunk. She waits until social events to get shitfaced and start crying over crap that I don't care about. Also, I don't know here that well, but she's quite clingy and is one of those people who thinks that just because you remembered her name and consented to be her facebook friend that you are bonded for life and want to see her boobies. This is not always the case, unless you're Fenton.

So she volunteered to work the opening night party and the closing night party, because working the parties allows you free access to the open bar once your shift is over. During the opening night party, she showed up, told me that she was unable to stand in her heels, so needed a job that required her to sit. She then whined about not being able to enjoy the party for most of the night. I let this slide.

About 4 days before the festival ended, I began to hear rumors that Beth would be talking to me about when she would be arriving, and how much she'd be working at the party, and when she'd be leaving her shift to join the party. I recieved an email the morning of the party asking if I really needed her to work the whole shift.

Knowing that she's emotionally fragile, I told her that I don't appreciate the short notice but that since she clearly does not want to work, I'll find someone else and she's welcome to pay her way into the party.

So she shows up at the party, finds me on the dance floor, and thanks me for understanding and tells me that I clearly did not need her, as the party is well staffed, and that she doesn't like working the parties anyway.

I explained that we were well staffed because I spent the afternoon looking for her replacement, and that she needn't worry abot working parties, as she will never work for this festival again. As I type this, I realize that this story is not so funny as the other festival stories. But I'm almost done, so whatever.

So she begins to cry. Right there in the middle of the dance floor. Just starts sobbing. I turned my back to her, and danced on her tears.

The end.

GroomzMcFinehiney · July 2010

A swing and a miss.

wendyld · July 2010

I enjoyed it.

CaliopeSpidrman · July 2010

I liked it until I heard you don't like Kevin Smith. Now we can't be friends anymore.

KristenBtobe · July 2010

Good story that made me have some embarrassingly naive questions about gay sex.

noisy_penguin · July 2010

I'm sorry Bethie tried to show you her boobs and you had to fire her and then she cried at you. That will probably make the next GTG pretty awkward.

wingedbride · July 2010

for you it was a little subpar

ETA:this is like when i would get a B on a paper and my parents would be disappointed but when my LD brother got a B they celebrated. this story would be great coming from coley

GroomzMcFinehiney · July 2010

Yeah. About halfway through, I realized it was not turning out to be one of my better stories, but I was already halfway through a pretty long story that probably didn't need to be that long. Ah well. Say La VD.

wingedbride · July 2010

i still love you bunches

jens_a_ten · July 2010

"I turned around and danced on her tears" took the story a good 2 to 3 levels up in the funny. It got audible giggles from me.

Never stop your stories, baby.

Groomz - storytime request

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