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I am about to tell someone off - WWYD?
Okay, to make a long story shorter...my mom and stepdad are having a ton of financial problems right now. They have not been the smartest with their money and it honestly has put a huge strain on their marriage. They are in the process of filing bankruptcy so they are able to keep their house. (This is soooo not public information but I trust you ladies.)
So, my mom calls me from work and asks me to log into her online banking site to check her balance. I noticed there is a charge from a local pizza place for $55. I'm like "Mom, what in the world did you spend $55 on at ****???" She says "Well, Sarah, Shannon, and Hunter went with us."
OKAY - Sarah is my 22-yr-old stepsister, Hunter is her 2-yr-old (who I love dearly but have no idea who his dad is), and Shannon is her boyfriend of the month. Sarah and Shannon are grown adults and should be perfectly capable of picking up their bill when it comes but instead insist on being paid for. I should add that they both have jobs and their house/utilities are paid for by Sarah's mom. Grant and I would never dream of them paying for us unless they absolutely insisted and we knew they could afford it.
I told my mom that it was total BS and that Sarah needs to be an adult and pay for herself. She says it's something that her and my stepdad argue about frequently but I am seriously about to tell Sarah how it is.
I should shut my mouth but...c'mon! What is wrong with people?
Re: I am about to tell someone off - WWYD?
Ugh, I can't stand when adult children are still getting "taken care of" by their parents, but this situation is even worse! I would also feel like talking to Sarah about it. I mean, maybe she doesn't know the severity of their situation. Or worse yet, you could find out that she is aware and just doesn't care.
Either way, if my family is about to lose their house, I doubt I'd be able to keep my mouth shut.
ETA: Have they never heard of Little Caesars??? Or one of the other cheap pizza places? Or even just frozen pizza from the store? Whether it's two or five people, $55 is just plain extravagant.
Well I guess the first question is does your stepsister know your parents situation? If not there may be a reason your parents haven't told her. Personally, I don't think it's your place to say anything to your stepsister until you know what she knows. If she knows the whole situation then I think saying something to her is fine (& maybe even needed). Otherwise maybe you could just say something to Sarah about how she's an adult with a child and she should really be able to pay her own way at this point, w/out mentioning your parents financial situation. You're clearly much more mature then your stepsister, maybe your parents haven't said anything to her for that reason.
And seriously... my BIL & SIL get a lot of help from my IL's "because of the boys". My IL's give them sooooo much because they have two kids and just take take take whatever they can get away with. My IL's won't stop because they don't want to deprive the boys of anything. Soo... don't get too upset if things don't change, chances are a lot of what they do has to do with the grandbaby. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying how it might be.
I couldn't agree more! G and I have been cutting back pretty drastically and we are all about cooking at home. I don't know why they do this and it is beyond frustrating! It is weird because we have stopped eating out with them but they continue to meet up with her!
ETA: This is an entire fustration in itself. I know they work/worked very hard for everything they have and that a turn in our local economy/industry is what is causing most of their hardships. It is just difficult to see them not adjust accordingly. Like, if you're having problems...you need to cut back. Maybe it's just easier for me to see because I'm so frugal anyways?
That is def. what I was thinking - not of really going into their problems. I know for a fact that she could probably care less and honestly, isn't smart enough to even understand. (Did I just "type" that out loud?
)
I hadn't really thought of it this way - especially because I know she doesn't pay any of her living expenses, although she has a full time job. I just think she should grow up enough to pay for her, her current boyfriend, and her son. Or even let them pay for her son (who let's be honest, eats very little when dining out) but pay for herself and the boyfriend. Right?
What also cracks me up is if for some reason we all go out together, G and I pay for ours but she still think she's covered under them? Hmm IDK!
Ashley & Josh ~ The Reef Resort ~ Grand Cayman~ May 15th 2010
I don't know...things work different around here. If I'm invited to dinner, I don't expect to pay...so if my parent's asked DH and I over to dinner, I wouldn't expect them to hand me a bill. Same if I asked anyone else over. To me, if I'm inviting you, I'm paying for you. If it was a mutual thing, they were over, they all decided they were hungry and got pizza...then yes, I would expect everyone to pay their share.
Maybe they were just too embarassed to let them know they couldn't or shouldn't be spending that much so they just paid?
This is a good point. With picking up a pizza - usually that's not something we worry about splitting the bill on.
I know that you feel like you should say something, but sometimes I find it's best to just step away from others poor financial choices. I grew up with parents always struggling, and it has turned me into an overly financially conservative person (with my own money, I'm politically leaning fiscally liberal
). However, I have siblings that I have to work hard to keep my mouth shut when I hear the amount of money they spend on certain things despite that they don't have a savings and haven't begun to think about retirement. But, as long as they don't come asking me for money it is none of my business.