Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
step-child issue...heard on JB & Sandy
Sandy on the JB & Sandy morning show had an experience at Wal-Mart yesterday. He was shopping and there was a lady with 2 boys a little ways away (not right next to him). He heard her tell one little boy "You're my step-son, not my real son, I'm not buying anything for you"...something to that extent. He noticed that when they got to the register there was 1 toy in their basket (obviously for her real son). He quickly goes to the toy section and grabs the toy that the step-son had been holding, pays for it- goes out to the parking lot to find the lady with the 2 boys. Hands the bag to the step-son and says "Here you go, just want you to know that not everybody in this world is mean". The lady looks at him and says, "Who are you?". He responds with "Don't worry about it" and walks off.
What do you think? My step-brother grew up with us and I can honestly say that my mom was horrible to him. He wasn't forced to live outside or anything but I can look back and remember that I was treated much better than he was....sadly I did not see it at the time.
WDYT? I just hope that the story had a good ending...as opposed to the kid getting into more trouble for the incident or her returning it and spending the money on herself.
Re: step-child issue...heard on JB & Sandy
My stepmom treated my sister and I that way. She had a son about 6 yrs older than me. I can't tell you how many times my sis and I had to go shopping for things for him and we didnt get anything. My dad was pretty good about mediating when he was around, but when he wasnt . . . we got blamed for everything even though my stepbro was a little hellian. Not surprising, it still happens to this day. He comes to town, and its an all out presentfest. . . if I come to town, I get. . .
I'm not sure what I would do if I overheard that though. It was really nice of Sandy, but depending on how mean the stepmom really was, the poor kid might have gotten even more wrath from it.
That is so sad. And sick.
When you get involved in a serious relationship with someone who has a child, you have to make the decision to either accept the child as part of the deal or walk away. It is not the child's fault that they are in that situation and most certainly should not be treated as inferior. How heartbreaking. I am glad Sandy did something, but also worry about what may have happened when they all got home.
I know 3 families with a step-parent and each of them is beyond wonderful to their step-child and has adopted the child as their own (legally and emotionally). You would never know by watching the families that any of the children were 'step'. And that is the way it should be.
The O'Baby Blog
As a step-mom and just a human being, this saddens and angers me. It's cows like this who give the hard working step-moms a bad name. I made a commitment to my husband and his daughter just as they made a commitment to me when we got married. I love them both.
It's a hard job - you only get a limited amount of time with them and there's the annoying attitude from others that you are "not a real parent". I may not have given birth to her, but I care for her, love her, nurture her, and try to help her grow up to be the absolute best person she can be. When we have more kids, she will be their sister, not half-sister because they are all part of our family. ::steps off soapbox::
My Bio (wedding pics added 7/6)
My 101
Ditto. My MIL is the worst at saying I would treat DSS different if he were my own. If anything I'd be harder on him bc I wouldn't have to walk a fine line of never coming off as a b*itch. I adore the kid and work very hard to take care of him and raise him to be a good person.
My stepmom hated my sisters and I and still treats her son like he's an angel and we suck. I definitely have an example of what not to do as a step-parent.
Ok. Treating a step-child worse than a biological child is wrong. I think we'll all agree on that.
But sometimes you just can't judge a family by a single instance in a store. Yes, the woman said a horrible thing. But maybe the kid is a really challenging child and she was just having a really bad moment. My son is a challenge, and yes there have been times that if someone overheard me in a store they might think me a terrible person. You really can't know without spending a whole day, a week, a month, a freaking lifetime with the family.
::stepping off my soapbox::
Or maybe the lady is a just a b!tch.
I consider my step mom more of a real mom than my biological one (even though I lived with my biological one) so this of course saddens me.
Granted, not all people can handle the challenges of step parenting and they can be many (kudos to you ladies who do it-the kids will appreciate your efforts some day I promise), however what the Hell was the father thinking marrying her? When you have a child you come as a package deal.
I also get that at different times you can reward your children differently but to use the line "you are my step child so you can't have this" should never ever be spoken in my mind.
Agreed. There are just some days that my SD knows what buttons to push and I don't like her behavior very much. I never stop loving her, but I can not like her behavior. She and I have talked about it in the past and she's been sent to her room to think about her attitude many times.
However, I would never use something so defeating and damaging as her just being my stepdaughter as an excuse or reason for being treated differently. There are better ways to handle it vs. cruelty.
My BIL married a gal with 2 kids and he treats them like they are his own. To the point where he spends his money on whatever they ask for and in return, they will yell at him when they're mad and say, "You're not my real dad, so you can't punish me!"
That is what irritates me. My BIL does so much for the whole family and they treat him like crap most of the time. They have no problem taking his money and the things he gives them (cars, 4 wheelers, cell phones, etc), but won't let him say anything about raising them. What is that about? They never talk to their real dad and in fact, their real dad is a major *** who does meth and is in and out of jail. I guess I just don't get it. They are teenagers though, that probably is what it is ALL about!
If I'd heard that woman say something to her kid like that, I would have probably gone off. That is horrible to say to a child, especially in front of the other kid. The other kid is going to grow up thinking he is superior to his stepbrother and act like a jerk, hopefully that isn't the case. That makes me really sad. People are awful, aren't they?
Oh, and I detest Sandy so much, but he actually did something really nice. Glad to hear that.
ETA: My BIL works, his wife does not. In fact, she quit her job as soon as they got married. Her ex/the real dad does not pay child support no matter how many times they take him to court. So yeah, he brings in all the money. I'm sorry if that sounds b!tchy, I have an issue w/ my SIL quitting her job like she did--seems like she was a golddigger or something. grr.
Wow, that's just plain awful. I don't care how mad you are at the kid, you don't say things like that to a child. Kids will be kids and they will push your buttons and be down right hellions some days but that doesn't mean you treat them like that. It's not the kids fault he has a step mom.
On that note, my stepmom treated me some what the same way. Both of my half sisters lived with my dad (we all had the same dad) and I went over there every other weekend. Well, every weekend I went over there, that Friday I came, my stepmom always had something for them from the store. They weren't even her kids! I asked her about it one time and she told me I didn't live there so she didn't have to buy anything for me.
On the flip side, I lived with my mom and step dad from the time I was 8 years old. To this day, I have not heard my stepdad call me "step daughter" one time. He has always, always, referred to me as his daughter.
TTC #1 since February 2011
BFP #1 1/14/12 EDD 9/24/12 m/c at 8w4d on 2/20/12
March 2012- Dx with PCOS, started metformin
July 2012- SA completely normal
GOOD for Sandy. That kid needed to hear that. He needs to hear it about 10,000 more times, with hugs. Then he needs to be told he's deserving of love about another 100,000 times after that.
When my dad died 6 1/2 years ago, all references during his funeral to his offspring were about my 2 half sisters, and never included me. My step mother didn't even have the decency to tell/remind the funeral directors and priest that my dad had another daughter. She also told me my father was disappointed in my life. (I was working in film production at the time, it's not like I was a drug addict or anything.)
That was just the icing on the cake after years and years of emotional cruelty that my father either didn't see or chose not to deal with. I will love my father forever, with all my heart and soul, but I will go to my own grave wondering if he really loved me as much as my half sisters because he never really protected me from her emotional abuse.
So yeah, AWESOME for Sandy. He is my hero. I remember times when I was a kid and I wished someone like Sandy would stick up for me.
I just hope that kid's father hears the story and realizes he needs to look out for his child. I also hope Sandy reported the woman to CPS via her license plate so someone can make sure she didn't take it out on the boy.
Sorry so long-- I just really, really hate evil step parents.