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The Adventures of Lil' McFinehiney
Illustrations by Buddha (to follow) (unless she sucks)
Before Groomz McFinehiney was a internationally known playboy and buttsmuggler, he was a young lad. He still had a super fine hiney, but he could demand Michael Jackson sized payouts for the touching of the hiney in those days.
Today's episode begins with Lil' McFinehiney lying on the top bunk in his room (McFinehiney was always a top, even before he knew what a bottom was) writing a love to Ricky Schroeder. It went something like this:
Dear Ricky,
I think your spikey hair and pewped collar are super rad. I wish I could pull off pink polos as well as you do. Remember that time your dad grounded you, but you snuck out of the house to play basketball with Alfonso Ribeiro and then you got double grounded and weren't allowed to play with your supersized train that ran through your living room for a week? That was lame of your dad to do that. Alfonso Ribeiro is awesome. I bet he's gonna be a superstar when he gets older. He'll be able to give the guy from The Adventures of Bucakroo Banzai a real run for his money.
Anyway, here's another pair of my underpants. Enjoy!
Love,
Lil' McFinehiney
Unbeknowst to Lil' Mc, and to the detriment of Ricky Schroeder, who would never experience the super duper fun times of playing dream date with He-Man and Lion-O in the McFinehiney basement, these letters never made it to the young star. The Postmaster General had a son, General Jr. (who would eventually follow in his father's footsteps and be some kind of general that has nothing to do with the army or the Dukes of Hazzard car) General Jr. had been intercepting these letters, and had kept the entire collection of Lil' Mc's Jabberjaw underoos for himself.
So a few weeks later, after an exhausting morning of kung-fu training and pooping on the potty, Lil' Mc went down to the laundry room to try his mom's bra on as a hat. It didn't fit real good. It probalby worked better if you had two heads, but Lil' Mc was sadly a one-headed kid. He went outside to patrol the streets of Lil'ville on his Groomzcycle and on his way tot the comic book store, he ran into a stranger little boy on a Green Machine with a funny looking flag attached to the bumper. Upon closer inspection, the flag had familiar images of JabberJaw and the entire JabberJaw Gang, Biff, Bubbles, Shelly and Clam-Head.
"So, we meet at last, Lil' McFinehiney." said General Jr. as he ate paste and his oversized boom box played ominous DUM DUM DUUUUUUM music...
TO BE CONTINUED
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
Re: The Adventures of Lil' McFinehiney
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
And you are the taco to my hot dog.
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali