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Etiquette question??? LONG!!!
In March my best friend of 21 years passed away from a brain tumor that she had battled for 2 years.
In May her son was married. I had ordered their gift from BBB online several weeks before the wedding. BBB did not ship the gift until the week of the wedding. I tracked the package with UPS and it was delivered on Thursday before the wedding and left with their neighbor, in their apartment complex. I had sent him a private message via Facebook on that Friday just letting him know that the gift was left with a neighbor. I never a reply to the message, he did not mention it at the wedding and have not received a thank you. I spent $350.00 on cookware for them and I just want to make sure they got the gift. Would it be rude to send him an e-mail asking if they got it? Be honest with me. If I just need to give them more time for the thank you.
"Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
Re: Etiquette question??? LONG!!!
Since the gift was so expensive and the neighbor could have quite possibly stolen it, I'd FB him.
I don't think you're being rude, but I would give up on expecting a TY. It sounds like her son just married an ingrate who doesn't know how to send a thank you. The rule according to Peggy Post is 3 months, so technically I guess the bride might have another couple weeks. The local custom here is within a month of the wedding - and you'll be talked about if it takes you that long.
Poor, poor form on the couple's part. Shameful.
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"Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
within our circle of family & friends back East, it's 6 months to send a thank you. of course, even w/ our move across country our wedding thank yous were out w/in 2-3 months.
technically, and I realize this is ridiculous, but techically the time frame for sending gifts and thank you notes is year after the wedding.
that said, if the gift was left with a neighbor, I would be extremly nervous.
Don't do FB, just make a phone call or send a regular email, or if you do FB make sure it's a message and not a wall post.
I would just simply say "Since UPS said that your gift was left with a neighbor, I want to be sure you actually received it. If not, please let me know so that I can work on resolving it"
The part of this that bothers me is the part about her "son marrying an ingrate that doesn't know how to send a thank you." Why does the bride have to be responsible for the thank you notes? He is perfectly capable of sending a thank you himself as well.
OP, yes, I would definitely ask about it. There's no shame in making sure they got the gift.
I think it's fine to send an email. Your concern is with whether or not they received it, not whether or not you get credit for the gift. Being that your worry is of a selfless nature, I see no faux pas.
I would say something like, "Hey, sorry to harp on the subject, but did you receive the XYZ from me? I just want to make sure because UPS tracking says it was delivered to your neighbor and I want to make sure it actually made it to you guys. If not, I want to make sure to report it to UPS. Let me know, thanks!"
I would avoid including things like "I didn't get a thank you"--that can be misconstrued into your digging for a thank you. I also wouldn't say "It cost me blah-blah-blah, so I want to make sure..." That sounds kind of tacky. Otherwise, you're fine.
There's still PLENTY of time for a couple to send thank you notes for a wedding in May. If it was Memorial Day weekend, it's been only 2 months. But, you aren't concerned about that, you're worried the neighbor stole the gift.
Email him and say "I was thinking about you and your wife the other day and I remembered the message I got from UPS saying your gift from me was left with a neighbor. That worries me a little and I want to make sure it found its way to you safely and soundly. Could you just shoot me a quick email and let me know if arrived? If not, I'll need to act as soon as possible to get things straightened out with UPS and BBB." Letting him know you'd have a limited time to correct things gives it a sense of urgency.
Please contact them. I have a very lovely and well-off great aunt and uncle who didn't get us a wedding present. Of course it's fine but it's SO uncharacteristic of them that it had my mom and grandmother worried for a long time that something got mixed up.
Oh, and odds are they received it. If I saw someone had bought my $350 cookware off my registry and I hadn't gotten it yet, I'd be searching high and low.
Our Share of the Harvest:How a couple cooks from a CSA share. Pick Up Day Week 15
This.