JoElizabeth

PuppiesAndRainbows · August 2010

I, for one, would like a recap of this second wedding your MIL made you go through. Please and thank you.

ReadytobeMrs.B · August 2010

PuppiesAndRainbows:
I, for one, would like a recap of this second wedding your MIL made you go through. Please and thank you.

this.

joelizabeth23 · August 2010

Oh man, guys. Well. I must say it wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. But it was still annoying none-the-less. There was a much bigger turn out than any of us expected (around 60-70 people). While MIL arranged everything, I realized when we got to the church how important it was to DH's grandparents (whom he and I both adore). Most of the guests were members of their (the grandparents') church who really just wanted to be able to show their support for our commitment. MIL had given the pastor a "script" to follow for the ceremony part (which only lasted about 3 minutes). But the pastor was well aware of the fact that DH and I were already married and scrapped the script once we got up there (once MIL had no control and unless she wanted to make a scene would not do or say anything about it at that point). He basically just blessed our marriage and had us say (instead of "do you take") "You have taken" which we replied "I have." She made me carry flowers (the ugliest fake bouquet I've ever seen in my life). But I put them in the kitchen THE SECOND the "ceremony" was over. She kept asking me where they were and I just said I put them down somewhere for a second then couldn't remember where. She had cold cuts & cheeses with fresh fruits and veggies for the reception as well as a cake that she made (chocolate cake with an orange butter creme frosting--which may have made then entire circus worth it). All the guests who attended were just so old and sweet that I just focused on them. I barely said two words to MIL all night. Afterwards though, when my parents were leaving (offering to take me with them which I immediately jumped at), MIL grabbed my arm and asked in front of a bunch of people "You'll be staying here to help clean up, right." UGH! So DH and I had to stay behind and clean up (which I didn't mind so much) except that we were still 2 hours from Raleigh (where my parents live) and it was already 9PM. We didn't get back to her house until midnight at which point she suggested (once again) that we stay in the bedroom upstairs which I immediately turned down and said that I had all my stuff at my parent's house still. She also wanted to go to a waffle house at midnight. I again said no. Her house is difficult to leave because every time we try to leave, she either asks for a reason or she immediately shows us something or starts talking about something. DH has always found it difficult to just get up and say "i'm leaving now." So, I did it. The woman already doesn't like me so what do I care if I give her an actual reason?

Sunday DH had to get up and go right back over to his mom's house (to watch TV with her because she sobbed about it when we were leaving on Saturday night) while I stayed home with my family and visited with my sister & niece. DH & MIL came back over around 3:30 and ate dinner with my family and our BFFs. She took us back to the airport (which she made DH drive to) and she cried the entire car ride and kept trying to talk to me which I only responded with grunts. Our flight was majorly delayed (as it was on the way into Raleigh as well) and we didn't even land in ATL until 10:45 and we still had to drive to Athens. Needless to say, this weekend exhausted me!

PuppiesAndRainbows · August 2010

Um, wow. You are a MUCH nicer person than I am. That's all I gotta say about that. Stick out tongue

I will say though, when she asked if you were going to help clean up, I would have said "No, we weren't planning on it, since this is our day, it never occurred to me we'd have to clean up. We already made plans with my parents. Sorry. " And then leave.

musgral8 · August 2010

I'm glad you're home and not too much worse for wear. I agree with P&R, though - no cleaning up for me lol.

BAMFMrsB · August 2010

PuppiesAndRainbows:
Um, wow. You are a MUCH nicer person than I am. That's all I gotta say about that. I will say though, when she asked if you were going to help clean up, I would have said "No, we weren't planning on it, since this is our day, it never occurred to me we'd have to clean up. We already made plans with my parents. Sorry. " And then leave.

oh, lordy. DITTO.

I highly suggest you start hanging around on the Family Matters board. You will learn some very good language on how to handle an "emotional manipulator" a.k.a. Your MIL, and how to tell her (calmly) things like:

"No, YOU organized this shindig, I will not be staying around to clean up my 2nd wedding day Confused "

and for your DH "No, Mom, JoElizabeth and I have plans to hang out with her parents today. We just attended our 2nd wedding for you last night, remember??? I am still exhausted from the festivities and can definitely use this downtime with my wife!"

Learning "strong language" is not easy but it will save your sanity.

Case in point: My mom said something that my DH immediately shot down/made fun of. Instead of saying "That was rude mrBAMF and it hurt my feelings" she stewed over it for 2 days acting weird and then blew up at him. So I asked her "why did you not tell him it hurt your feelings at that moment???" and she said "uuuuuuuuuuuh, I dunno."

The point is, suppressing your emotions and reactions to BananasBatshitsCrazy people (a.k.a. your MIL) will only make you upset, not her. You have to deal with every instance as soon as it happens.

MeredithE · August 2010

You need an award for putting up with that. There is no way( even if Jesus asked) would I go through with that second wedding. Additionally, when you listed what was served I missed the alcoholic beverages. Tell me there was liquor. I am angry after reading that post.

WifeDeAngel · August 2010

Good for you for not blowing up at her! Hopefully in the future she'll chill out and mostly leave you two to live your lives in peace. Hopefully you got some more presents out of it!

joelizabeth23 · August 2010

MeredithE:
You need an award for putting up with that. There is no way( even if Jesus asked) would I go through with that second wedding. Additionally, when you listed what was served I missed the alcoholic beverages. Tell me there was liquor. I am angry after reading that post.

not.a.drop. for beverages she had iced tea and lemonade. I drink neither. I prefer soda.

mrsmozzarella · August 2010

I know she's crazycakes, but your husband going over there for hours to watch TV with her b/c she sobbed is nuts. She is still in control of your marriage and she knows it.

Glad it wasn't as big of a fiasco as you thought it would be, and I hope you had a nice time with all of the old folks. I love the elderly!

JoElizabeth

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