Sex & Romance
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Fiancee Wants to Try Backdoor (anal)
My fiancee wants to try my backdoor (anal), and I'm a little apprehensive. I feel he has done everything I've asked of him in our relationship from convincing him to move out with me, and asking me to marry him, basically he is making all my dreams come true. Not to mention he works incredibly hard to support me and my son, working 2 or 3 jobs at a time. He never really asks much from me, and our sex life is getting kind of dull and is happening a lot less frequently. I feel he's not really interested in me sexually anymore. If I give in, do you think this would spark things up a bit? I don't really have a reason for not wanting to try it, just a little unsure since I'm catholic and not really familiar with the pracitce, but know it's quite common. Please leave some advice!
Re: Fiancee Wants to Try Backdoor (anal)
what does being catholic have to do with having anal sex?
you make it sound like you have to do it because he did other things for you (non sexually). and the fact that you said you had to convince him to move in with you doesn't sit right with me (shouldn't it have been a mutual agreement?), but i digress.
it's up to you what you do with your body though. it may or may not spark things for you guys. go slow and see how it goes.
Your decision with this should be based soley on whether you are comfortable with the idea and want to try it with him. Please don't feel that you owe him anything for any reason. Or don't think this is the only way to get him interested in you again sexually. If you really don't want to there are other ways to spark things up.
Either way, it sounds like you need to have a conversation with him about your sex life. Trying new things is never bad if as long as you do it for the right reasons.
I didn't really "convince him" to move in with me, more like I wanted it a little more than him at the time (2 years ago). He's perfectly content now in living with me by the way.
Does anyone have any tips for the first time? I think since he wants this, that it will regain his sexual interests in me, but looking for advice to do it, is what I'm confused about. Our relationship doesn't have any real problems, just looking to spark things up a little.
If you choose to go through with this (I recommend you try it at least once), use LOTS of lube.
They even make numbing lube to help you get used to it.
For the record, I love anal (most of the time) and Im the one that brought it up to my DH.
It can't hurt to throw something new into your sexual relationship. I don't know if I would count on it to be a magic button to bring back the honeymoon phase, but if you want to spark things back up, trying new things is a good way to go.
Advice: Use lots of lube. Go slow. If it hurts, stop. Recognize the difference between discomfort and pain. It's uncomfortable for a lot of women, especially at first, but you shouldn't try to endure genuine pain. He should also know he's not going to be able to do thrust the same way he does during PIV sex.
Don't knock it on the first try. Most people (women especially) who end up enjoying it took a while to come around to it. If you give it a good handful of tries and you're still really not into it, toss it out of your repertoire. You don't have to like everything. However, if it's not your favorite thing but it doesn't bother you, and he really loves it, consider indulging him once in a while just to be GGG (good, giving and game).
I would advise against using the numbing creams. Since the lining of the anus is thinner than that of the vagina, it's easier to tear, so you really have to listen to your body to make sure you're not doing damage. If you can't feel whether or not there's pain, you won't know if you're doing harm to your body and you could really pay for it when the numbing wears off.
Good luck!
I don't know about most, but I would definitely say many. It's a pretty common topic for this board.
I was just like you, hesitant at first, but since giving it a few tries, I love it! I'm Asian and my fiancee is Caucasian (and backdoor sex isn't something that we're used to). I don't do it too often since it takes some preparation, but whenever I feel my fiancee isn't paying attention to me, or I'm not feeling sexy to him, or I'm thinking he's bored of me, I'll bend over during sex and say "put it in the other hole". His jaw drops EVERYTIME, and he gets so excited like a little kid at Christmas! It's really worth it, and he appreciates it so much. If you love your fiancee you'll do what it takes to make him happy. That's my opinion. Anal sex isn't that big of a deal, but it really does work wonders for bringing the spark into my relationship, and after getting some experience, it actually is quite pleasurable.
Use lots of lube, I recommend Astroglide, and take your time. Warmup with a finger or 2 for a few minutes, then get down to business! Enjoy!
I haven't, but lots of women enjoy it. Lots of people don't. Lots of people (like me) wouldn't even try it.
I'm wondering, though - why do you need to keep score like that? What your FI does for you has nothing to do with whether or not you should have anal sex.
Sex is not a game... you do it if you feel like you want to try it. Sure, one partner may be more eager than the other, but unless YOU are comfortable trying something new for his sake, then you shouldn't do it because you feel like you "owe" him.
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For me at least.
DH & I tried it once and it did not go well, it hurt, uncomfortable etc...
What I needed to do was prepare...
We started using fingers, he use them during sex or I would just on my own. And then other toys of sorts to get up to size.
After a few weeks of just anal play the anal sex worked out SO SO much better. I now love it and have my most intense Os ever with it.
It's not about keeping score. I originally asked the question because I feel that we should each do our best to satisfy every need/desire of our partners. Being inexperienced is the reason I asked the question in the first place (not whether or not I should go through with it). Judging by the majority of the responses here (and the number of views this post has seen in just a few short hours), it seems like this is a common sexual act that many of the responders had favourable outcomes with. If anyone has anymore tips/suggestions, they will be highly appreicated. TIA
RELAX!!
That's the most important part. If you are tense it will hurt and you will be less likely to do it again. Use lube, go slow, and enjoy how happy you are making your husband. If you focus on how happy he is, you will relax and start enjoying yourself.
I'm so jealous! My H isn't interested in in doggie OR anal! He likes to see my face during, which, while sweet, makes me sad. I LOVE doggie and I LOVE anal and he doesn't want to do it.
But I suppose that's a different post......
It doesn't sound like you are really into it - I wouldn't do it. You have to want it independently or you won't be able to relax and enjoy it.
I've both received and given anal sex (to my husband, with a strap-on), so I guess I've got advice from "both ends" (lol).
You should make sure you relax and use tons of lube, as others have noted. Instead of a numbing cream as other have suggested (I really didn't like the way it felt, and there is a greater risk of injury), I personally agree with the other posters who recc'd using things like small anal beads, starter butt plugs and fingers to get you worked up to it. It works best if you use these toys while you're really turned on - during oral sex is a great time - so that the new sensation is associated with something pleasurable rather than something tense (as you might be if you jumped into the anal play before your engines were revved). It's hugely important that you listen to your body and communicate if you feel any pain or if you're really uncomfortable.
Also, you may or may not be comfortable with this suggestion, but I thought it's worth mentioning. It's not something that I or my heterosexual ex-husband were aware of, but my bisexual hubby really clued me in, and I think it's great. Before either of use engages in anal play, we anal douche. This makes sure that you're as clean as possible - reducing the risk of infection and also the chance of encountering fecal matter or smells you may find unpleasant. I don't think I've ever seen them on "straight" sex toy websites, but I know Colt makes a good one available at the TLA Gay website. It's nothing crazy - basically soemthing like a large medicine dropper. It allows you to squirt a stream of lukewarm (never hot or cold) water into your anus. When you release that water into the toilet, you'll be cleaner. Repeat the process until the water is clear. It takes a little getting used to, but in my opinion it is SO worth it.
Also, don't let your fiancee forget that HE has alot of work to do. Many men that I know think that they can just imitate porn - meaning shove in their penis and go to town. In reality, they need to enter slowly, use a huge amount of lube (just spit does not work) and work up very, very gradually to a faster pace - especially the first few times. He'll need to start with a finger, and he needs to make sure that he goes slowly. When he enters with his finger, your sphincter will spasm and clamp down, He needs to be still, gentle and patient, and wait for the spasming to stop before moving forward. Same goes for when his penis enters you. He needs to go SUPER slowly, in both entry and exit for awhile, and when he first enters you with his penis, once he's fully inside, he'll need to stop, wait, and hold position to allow your body to adjust.
As you're having sex, you may experience a sensation that feels like you have to go to the bathroom. That's ok, and it's normal. This is one of the instances where anal douche is a huge help, because there's less worry that he'll come away with a surprise.
Also, always use a condom. ALWAYS. The tissue in the anus is very delicate, and a condom will rpotect youa dn your fiancee from infections and - of course - STDs. not only will a condom help to protect you from tearing, it will also make clean up way easier for him. Just make sure that he never keeps that condom on and then switches to vaginal sex. That's one sure way to get an infection.
Hope that helps, and GL!
Do it. It is awesome. My DW squirts and goes crazy when we have anal.
I've also given her rimjobs while she is toying and she loves it!
If she loves her fiance' she will do whatever it takes to make him happy? Even if she doesn't enjoy anal sex?
Um...I think not!
-- If you are not 100% sure you want to try a new way of having sex then I wouldn't do it. You shouldn't feel guilty or like you have to try anal sex in order to spice up the bedroom. Putting on a cute bit of lingerie and busting out the whipcream can do that. Putting yourself into a situation where you are not comfortable will NOT.
PS-- I think the bit about Catholicism (I'm going out on a limb here with nothing but an assumption. I do not mean to offend anyone.) is that there are certain sanctioned sexual positions (missionary) that are mentioned and that anal sex (what used to be called buggery etc.) is one of those ones that used to be a punishable offense in the catholic church. I am not sure that that is true now, but I would imagine not. Its 2010!
I would try it. Who knows, you may like it? I've never tried it, so I can't give an opinion either way.
Also.. what does being Catholic have to do with it..??
Anal is probably most common among Catholics as it's "legal" birth control.
This topic shows up several times per week and has the same advice. Lubricate and go slow.