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Fenton - Testing behaviors
We have good days and bad days. The last few days have been mostly good days. We?ve been spending a lot of time at the pool, with him gaining so much confidence and learning to swim by leaps and bounds. In the evening, he practices riding his bike with my husband and is improving dramatically. The other night, he pulled out his loose tooth, and we put it under his pillow for a mouse, who took it in exchange for money. :-)
But Sunday, for example, was another story. A neighbor kid came over and wanted to play with M. For some reason, M thought the child was only after his toys, and decided he didn?t want any part of him. When we tried to talk to him about it, he pulled away from us, and after I tried to hold and hug him, he took off. Since I didn?t pursue him immediately, he left our property. Once we found him, he took off running from us. I had to chase him (running, stopping long enough to make sure I still cared and was following, and laughing whenever he thought he gave me the slip) halfway around the block before I caught him and we threw him in the car (my husband got the car and met us) and drove him home. The infuriating thing was the taunting behavior. But once we caught him, he was so scared he completely broke down and hid under the bed because he was afraid I would beat him. Fun times.
It's all attachment stuff, and all normal and stuff we expected, but that doesn't make it easier when it happens It's about him trying to push us to our utmost limit to make sure we won't hurt or return him. Of course we would never do either, but he won't trust that until he's completely satisfied that he pushed us to the limit (whatever that is in his mind), and we still love and nurture him. I just hope he figures it out soon, because it?s pretty miserable always worrying about when the next test will come.
I love him with every fiber of my being. I just hope he understands that soon, and we can get past all this difficult stuff. In my adult mind it seems so unnecessary, but I understand that to his hurt, neglected self it?s the difference between life and death. I just wish there were an easier way to help him find peace.
Re: Fenton - Testing behaviors
Oof, that sounds rough.
I may have missed part of the story along the way but I've seen a few references to returning him. So he got so far into the adoption process before and then they changed their minds? That's heartbreaking.
I hope he becomes fully secure and confident that you're there to stay really soon.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
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