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Mrs.Graves51907 · August 2010

Ok so my worst fear has come with my FIL. He seems to be back on drugs. Monday was good but then yesterday he left the house in the morning and was supposed to be home around dinner. Him and Derick were going to come eat at the restaurant. He didn't come home and kept giving Derick weird stories. He got a hotel room because he wanted some girl over he met in jail that had gotten out before him. Well he called this morning wanting me to bring him his clothes so I did on my way to work. He was really messed up and a bunch of crack heads were all hanging out. He said he let some guys borrow some money and is now broke. He had $1000 when he got out and spent $300 on Monday with us getting clothes and stuff he needed. He is still listed as MH's father on his birth certificate even though MH changed his last name (FIL adopted MH when he was 13) so that would make MH is next of kin, right? He is 45 and his money needs to be protected. Can it be put in a trust fund or something that either MH or his last remaining sister can control? Right now his sister just has his money in a separate account and was going to wire it to us to give to him but I think MH needs to step in and do something or tell his sister to do something. Maybe it's none of my business but I hate to see him self destruct.

HokieLaw · August 2010

I think the first thing that needs to be done is a family intervention. And he needs to go to rehab.

(This is not legal advice, however) The only way to gain control of his money is to become his guardian and conservator. But if he isn't mentally incapacitated, you won't be able to do that. The other option is for him to sign over a power of attorney to your husband and allow him to take care of all his money. But that is a LOT on YH.

Mrs.Graves51907 · August 2010

Thanks Mandy...I assumed that would be the case since he isn't legally incapacitated. I know MH doesn't really want the responsibility either so I guess I just need to stay out of it and see what happens.

Melanie051907 · August 2010

Yeah, I don't think you can set up a trust with his own money without his approval. The power or attorney may be the best way to go but I'm not sure how vaild things like that would be when he is under the influence.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

blairsgirl · August 2010

I'm sorry you have to deal with this Elizabeth. I agree with the intervention and rehab. Although, the rehab will only work if he wants to do it and recognizes he has a problem. I know nothing about putting the money in a trust. The only thing I can suggest is sitting down and speaking with him. Let him know that both you and yh are his advocates and want to see him happy and on a new, positive path. Explain the benefits to him of having the money in a trust.

Mrs.Graves51907 · August 2010

Yeah I know MH talked to his surviving sister and she is concerned as well but she is to a point where she can't take much more. I can't blame her she has lost 2 sisters to drugs and alcohol and he is headed in the same path. Plus she lives 4 hours away. MH are going to try and talk to him tonight if we can track him down after I get off work. He knows it would be best for someone to take care of his money for him but getting him to agree to it is another thing. He really has the mind of a 5 year old.

flyer1982 · August 2010

This is a lot you guys have to deal with but hopefully you can convince FIL to allow YH to control his money. Maybe it could be the alternative to rehab for now (if he doesn't want to go).

Mrs.Graves51907 · August 2010

I know nothing about drugs or addiction really but I don't understand how you can be in jail for a year and a half with no drugs and then you come out and that's the first thing you look for. You would think that being off it that long would be enoug rehab. Then I think maybe it's because of who he hangs around with and he doesn't have enough control over the urge but we can't keep him locked up in the house all day while we work.

flyer1982 · August 2010

Mrs.Graves5*19*07:
I know nothing about drugs or addiction really but I don't understand how you can be in jail for a year and a half with no drugs and then you come out and that's the first thing you look for. You would think that being off it that long would be enoug rehab. Then I think maybe it's because of who he hangs around with and he doesn't have enough control over the urge but we can't keep him locked up in the house all day while we work.

I don't know much about them either and would think the same thing as you regarding being without them for a year and a half. But I think you're on to something regarding the people he hangs around with.

Does he have a parole officer you can consult with at all?

Melanie051907 · August 2010

I don;t know much either but I think it's one of those things that once you are addicted you are always addicted. The same thing happens to women who go about 9 months of not smoking while they are PG and start the habit right back up again once the baby is born.

blairsgirl · August 2010

Mrs.Graves5*19*07:
I know nothing about drugs or addiction really but I don't understand how you can be in jail for a year and a half with no drugs and then you come out and that's the first thing you look for. You would think that being off it that long would be enoug rehab. Then I think maybe it's because of who he hangs around with and he doesn't have enough control over the urge but we can't keep him locked up in the house all day while we work.

I don't know much about jail time, but I have heard that people still use in prison. There are apparently ways to get it and pay for it.

Mrs.Graves51907 · August 2010

blairsgirl:

Mrs.Graves5*19*07:
I know nothing about drugs or addiction really but I don't understand how you can be in jail for a year and a half with no drugs and then you come out and that's the first thing you look for. You would think that being off it that long would be enoug rehab. Then I think maybe it's because of who he hangs around with and he doesn't have enough control over the urge but we can't keep him locked up in the house all day while we work.

I don't know much about jail time, but I have heard that people still use in prison. There are apparently ways to get it and pay for it.

Yeah, MH and I watch the jail shows like lockup all the time and they talk about getting stuff in. My FIL did admit that the road crew, picked up trash along the roads, would find smokeless tobacco or other stuff and sneak it back in so he would get tobacco every now and then.

I know he has a probation officer but I'm not sure the name yet. His first meeting is next week I believe. I'm pretty sure he is going to have drug tests done so maybe that will help him quit or land him in jail again very quickly. If he goes back he will have to pull 5-8 years.

Mrs.Graves51907 · August 2010

blairsgirl:

Mrs.Graves5*19*07:
I know nothing about drugs or addiction really but I don't understand how you can be in jail for a year and a half with no drugs and then you come out and that's the first thing you look for. You would think that being off it that long would be enoug rehab. Then I think maybe it's because of who he hangs around with and he doesn't have enough control over the urge but we can't keep him locked up in the house all day while we work.

I don't know much about jail time, but I have heard that people still use in prison. There are apparently ways to get it and pay for it.

yeah I see that on the jail shows all the time and he did admit that people were able to sneak tobacco in when they were working on the road crews cleaning trash off the streets.

As for the probation officer he meets with them next week I believe. I'm not sure the name but could find out. He already mentioned that he thought he would have to take drug tests. So he will probably end up back in jail over that. Sad to say but we can only do so much.

HokieLaw · August 2010

Melanie051907:

I don;t know much either but I think it's one of those things that once you are addicted you are always addicted. The same thing happens to women who go about 9 months of not smoking while they are PG and start the habit right back up again once the baby is born.

This. I had an aunt once who was addicted to pain killers and cocaine. When she found out she was pregnant, she quit completely for 8 months. Literally hours after her son was born, she had someone at the hospital selling her coke. I think some people can take a hiatus from it without having the same effect as actually getting clean. If you can't, you won't but when it's available again, you will type mentality.

GenaBoBenaWife · August 2010

I don't have any advice, but I know it's frustrating. My step-brother was (& probably still is addicted to drugs) and even though he's been given all the opportunities in the world, he still can't seem to get it together. I hope everything turns around & I'll be sending T&P your way!

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