XP: More on my poor little sis... and a poll and a couple of other things. :)

S2BMrsO · August 2010

So, I went to drop munchkin off at my mom's house this morning and she informed me that my sister found out that her boyfriend had been cheating on her. She was right to believe that there was something else behind the reason why he was breaking up with her and saying that "She deserved much better than him". I feel so bad for her. I just can't believe that he didn't have the cajones to tell her himself. He confessed it to one of her friends. She's up in Tahoe with her friends right now, so she's going to be in bad shape when she gets back, I think. My mom might even be making that six hour (total) drive to get her and bring her home, because she doesn't want to be up there anymore.

Now for the poll:

Apparently her now ex has a history of cheating, and yes, he's only 19. My question is, do you think that cheating is, in any way, biologically inclined?

I personally think that it is, and that is why a lot of people say that people who stray in their relationships will generally be repeat offenders. I've read a few articles about studies on this, and it totally makes sense.

It sucks for this kid though... he's only 19 and he's already got himself a lovely track record. It sucks because I really like him actually. He's a good kid. He is smart, driven, and a blast to be around. He's just got some issues, obviously. But he's made it so there will never be another chance with my sister, and she's literally got a heart of gold.

Now my sister has to deal with this...her first love cheated on her. And she'll probably be forever affected by it, and that just kills me.

Now with some better news:

My mom FINALLY had her d*bag husband served with divorce papers. I can't even begin to explain how happy this makes me!!!!!!! YAY! (You all remember my stories about this, right??)

My other sister FINALLY dumped her controlling, addict boyfriend! I'm so happy about this. She didn't tell me though... my mom did. And I think it's because she doesn't want to hear me say "I told you so". Oh well. We'll talk soon I'm sure.

Either way, these two pieces of news seriously make me SO happy.

What makes you happy and sad today?

luckycooky · August 2010

Kudos to the ladies in your family for getting rid of the a$$holes!

As far as your sister goes - that is rough. I am close with my sister too and have spent many nights with her crying in my room over a broken heart. One of the hardest things to see her cry. I know you get it that she deserves better than someone who will cheat and in time she will too. She'll need some time to build up her confidence but it will get better. I'm a big believer that a bowl of ice cream helps to jump start this process too Smile

As for cheating being biological - I don't know if I would quite go that far. I think it is not as much a matter of science but how the person is taught. If they grow up with a parent who cheated, they may begin to think it is normal. Not only because they cheated but because I would guess the parent doesn't follow through on other commitments or gives up easily when faced with adversity.

hawkilady · August 2010

Sorry about your sister MrsO - I'm sure its rough on her - and good for your mom and sis for getting rid of the d-bags.

As for the cheating thing... I don't think its biological but I do agree with Lucky that it can be learned. If you are around people who think it is acceptable, it becomes more of an acceptable thing to do.

However, at 19, I dont think his path is set for him. When you're 19, its a rare relationship that is mature enough to make it through anything in an adult manner. I know some people get married at 19 and make it 50 years but they are by far the exception. I would bet that a good proportion of the population cheats on a bf/gf at some point as a teenager. Relationships just generally aren't that serious. Maybe its because I fit into that category that I sort of give teens a pass. I know I hurt my HS bf when I cheated on him (instead of breaking up with him - super mature) but it doesnt mean that I would ever do it again. I'm a completely different person at 28 than I was at 18.

S2BMrsO · August 2010

I see your ladies' point.

I'm pretty sure that his dad cheated, too. And come to think of it, I'm pretty sure my mom cheated on my dad (although she will never admit it), and her dad (my grandpa) was a cheater back in the day.

Junebug060609 · August 2010

I'm sorry so many in your family are dealing with dbag men. Good for them for moving on, be it by choice or not. And btw, the dbag bfriend was right...she DOES deserve better than him.

As to your question of cheating being biologically inclined: I think its a mix of learned behavior and the morals of the person in question. My dads family is a great example of this. Both his mom and dad were unfaithful at various times in their marriage. They have 9 surviving children. Of those, several have cheated (or in one case been the "other woman") but the majority have not. All were exposed to approximately the same situations growing up, but some have different ideas of what is acceptable vs what isn't. One uncle in particular has a track record of unfaithfulness...including fathering 7 kids by 4 different women. My moms parents, to my knowledge, were never unfaithful to one another. They have 8 kids and I've not known of a single one of the 8 to have cheated. So...I'm going with it being more a learned behavior, but one that morally the person thinks they are able to justify.

XP: More on my poor little sis... and a poll and a couple of other things. :)

Re: XP: More on my poor little sis... and a poll and a couple of other things. :)

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