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portrait studios are the fifth circle of hell

My MIL (who I love, don't get me wrong) wanted pictures of all four of her grandkids because we haven't done any since Owen's newborn pics and she "didn't have any of him with his eyes open." We prefer using in-home photographers but she likes the quickie photo studio style so we all trucked over to the local Portrait Innovations this morning for a shoot.

Her vision--Maggie and Ella in cute matching sundresses from Gap, the boys in white button down shirts, Owen in overalls and Michael in shorts. Everyone sitting nicely, smiling, and being the adorable kids they are.

Reality--Owen covered in spit up and drool and not in the mood to smile, Maggie entirely overwhelmed and stressed because everyone was talking to her at once, she wouldn't sit for any pictures and sobbed and clung to me most of the time, Michael had a giant bugbite on his face and he and Ella both had puffy allergy eyes.

It was awful. Screaming kids everywhere, tacky people who kept the tags on their kids Cincinnati Reds clothes so they could return them after the pictures, 4 year old girls wearing lipstick...ugh. We're never doing that again.

image Ready to rumble.

Re: portrait studios are the fifth circle of hell

  • I apologize, but I find this really funny.  That is pretty much what I picture when I think about taking Andy to one of those places.

    Yeah, judging by the outcome, I think you should certainly stick to your at-home photographer.  Those pictures are always so pretty.  I'm sure the high school student working the camera at Portrait Innovations had some really good training.  Yeah.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • My MIL loves Target for pictures. We got a picture there and the pose she chose looks like we are a threesome couple.
  • If I was to get pictures done in a portrait studio, I'd be cheesing it up as much as possible so I could post the photos on one of those mocking websites.
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • Winged, I'm going to need the photographic evidence of what a "threesome" family looks like.  Please and thank you.
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  • imageVinny2008:
    Winged, I'm going to need the photographic evidence of what a "threesome" family looks like.  Please and thank you.

    Word.

    image
  • imageVinny2008:
    Winged, I'm going to need the photographic evidence of what a "threesome" family looks like.  Please and thank you.

    Seriously. I'm pretty much in tears just thinking about this picture.

    Kristen, I wanna see...

    image
    I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy
  • I would love to but it breaks Mr. Winged's no picture on the internets rule. So instead, here is a re-enactmentimage.

     

  • You were laying down?  Please tell me you were laying down.  And wearing turtlenecks.  That all matched.
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  • I'm uglykristenworklaughing at the stick figure representation.
    image
  • i was laying on my side propped on my arm. mr. winged was the filling of our awkward sandwich with his arm position just so on his knee, with his mom propped on her knees in back.
  • That is just fantastic.
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  • I wish you had drawn turtlenecks on the stick figures.
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • I really hate B right now for his stupid rule. I NEED to see this picture.
    image
    I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy
  • here we go cali. i even bedazzled my MILs

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  • I'm hyperventilating!
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • OK Bob, I scanned them just for you.

    We start out OK, aside from the crushed velvet backdrop and the scratch under Owen's nose.

    image

    Maggie is happy! Whee!

    image

    Then we do one with grammy and papaw. Notice Owen not facing the right direction and Maggie about to scream "MOMMMYYYYYY!!!"

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    Three out of four ain't bad.

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    image Ready to rumble.
  • awww your kids are so beautiful they make those look good
  • Winged, what did the background look like of your awkward family photo?
    image Ready to rumble.
  • Okay, so I thought I was in the middle of posting, and then it disappeared.  B*tch better not post twice.

    Awwww, the pictures are great!  I actually saw the last one first and was very confused as to how Maggie looked so old.  I'm smrt.

    Maggie is really cute in the picture on papaw's lap.  "Uh, mom.  Not cool."

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • it was just black. she wanted to do some fall leaves background with a painted on gazebo but we put the kibosh on that.
  • Whenever we go to Babies R Us on a Saturday Ian gets upset by the all kids having meltdowns in the photo studio.

    When my sister and and I were about 5 my aunt took us and her two boys to Zayre to have a portrait done of all of us for my grandma.  We were all upset at the photographer for yelling at my cousin Kevin.  It's an awful picture that could easily be a hostage photo and became family legend for its awfulness.  Grandma kept an 8 x 10 of it in a prominent spot on her staircase. 

  • I'm sorry for your trauma, Kristen, but I am laughing my head off. I was so cranky and now, between you and Winged's misfortune, I feel all better!

    Winged, can you blur out the faces or something? I NEED TO SEE THE FULL THING. Also, shame on you for not allowing a glorious background.

    When I was a year or so my mom took me to Sears Portrait Studio. I was getting fussy so she picked me up to comfort me.

    And smacked my head into a pole. All the other moms let her skip the line then! On the plus side, check out how shiny my eyes are (from crying) and how nice my bangs look (arranged just so to hide the red welt on my forehead)

    image 

    image

    Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
  • I like your concussion face.  You look really happy.
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • I was probably enthralled with the circle of birdies, the twinkling stars, and the pink elephants I was seeing.
    image

    Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
  • I'm so happy I opened this post.

    image

  • there's really so much to love about this post.  Winged, your stickfigure drawing skills are unparalleled.  And Kristen, those pictures really look fantastic.  Your kids are adorable!
    image Mabel the Loser.
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