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I'm kind of pissed. Vent.
So my husband has an ego the size of fvcking Texas. He thinks, in his mind, that he's the world's greatest father, and the world's greatest husband. He really is a great dad, I have no complaints in that department. I just wish he wouldn't remind me all the time of "how good" I have it. It's probably my own fault--I always tell him how much I appreciate everything that he does for us on top of his work schedule. I also have let him know what dead beats some of my friend's husbands are (going out all the time and leaving her with the kids, not helping do anything in the evening, leaving it up to her to do all the crap around the house whenever they both work, etc.)..so I let T know that he is very much appreciated.
Well, it's backfired on me, because now he thinks that anytime I have a complaint or we get in a fight he can use this as ammunition. Last night he wanted to have sex and I didn't. He had told me a couple of days prior that he would rub my shoulders...and he never ended up doing it. I brushed it off. So last night, since I didn't want to have sex and he did, I told him that if he'd rub my shoulders we'd get it on. He got pissy about it--told me he shouldn't have to do that and when's the last time I rubbed his shoulders. I told him way to fvck up getting laid and walked out.
Today he's short, agitated, and just being an ass. I told him to quit being passive aggressive and spit out what his problem is. He told me he gets pissed that I get to do/say whatever the hell I want and he doesn't have that luxury. Um..what? So I told him no, you're just pissed because you didn't get laid last night. Then he launches into how good I have it...with him working and me not having to worry about anything. I then said, so me cleaning the house, doing all of our laundry, taking care of our child, cooking dinner most every night, running all of his errands, doing the book work for our business--that's nothing? He told me that was stuff I was supposed to do anyway. 
To that I said, well, all of the wives you've made mention of don't do everything that I do, so you actually have it pretty fvcking good yourself. I got hung up on.
I don't know why he has such a big head on his shoulders. I feel like we contribute equally to the marriage/parenting scene, but I guess he feels like I'm not doing enough.
Is dinner on the table, sex 2x a week at minimum, a clean house, paid bills/taxes handled, and a healthy happy kid not enough? I usually enjoy doing all of these things--but now I'm feeling like I want to take B and go to my mom's and go swimming all day and stay the night.
I usually never get really pissed at him, so this is why I'm venting. Thanks for "listening".
Re: I'm kind of pissed. Vent.
Yikes, girl! I would be p!ssed if I were you too! The whole "you don't have to worry about anything" bit would really send me over edge. I didn't realize being the bread winner meant that a person got the luxury of simply going to work everyday and doing nothing else around the house. I am going to send DH an email about that right now to let him know!
Seriously, though, he obviously made that comment because he is mad about something else. I guess you can offer to work full-time while he stays at home and raises your kid and takes care of the household.
I think he's pissed that he didn't get what he wanted and he's using that to get a low blow in. Which is hardly a fair way to fight. He's stayed with B for an evening by himself, and told me there's no way he could do what I do...no way he could handle everything that I handle. He's trying to downplay my work because he's pissy about other sh!t. Which is AWESOME.
Are you looking for advice? Or just wanting to vent?
That entire series of events could have easily gone down at our house. I don't think either of you have hardcore "issues" you were both just frustrated and retorted with stuff out of anger.
Like, I was kind of pissed that H went to your house Saturday night. I stayed home cause I was tired and I just kind of wanted to watch a movie or something. Well, he decided he was going and didn't tell me until he was about to walk out the door. He apologized the next morning, and if it wasn't for that we would probably still be arguing about it. hah.
I was also told that he gets tired of me getting to go do whatever I want whenever I want. To which I replied--You have the same opportunity that I do to hang out with friends. I have never said that you are not "allowed" to go do things in the evening on occasion. I went to a wedding Saturday night with my mom (my dad ditched her last minute to work and I filled in). He was planning on watching the fight anyway--which I'm not interested in. He hung out with P, and watched the fight...I went to a wedding. He also wanted to hang out with a couple guys this past week and I told him that was fine, but he didn't end up going.
AND, this weekend, we're going to Eufaula with his boss and his wife--do you REALLY think I want to do that? Fvck no!
Oh MAN. No no no no no, son.
You have a full-time job, thank you. Only, you do yours for free, without any benefits, and you're on call all day every day. I know there are ridiculous mothers out there who don't raise their kids and sit in front of the tv all day, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case here. What you do deserves respect, especially from him. You probably DO have that respect, but he needs to be much more careful of what he says in anger.
Maybe you can have a good, long, serious talk with him once you both cools down. I also think you deserve an apology for the hang up. My husband would be very upset with me if I hung on him, and vice versa....he needs to fix this.
And I'm looking for whatever....vent, advice, whatever people feel like replying. I am just pissed off and I needed to get it out!
I don't think we have huge issues, but if his self-righteous attitude continues, we will be marching our happy asses to counseling.
Get it out! Better you b!tch slap us than him!!
I like this idea.
LOL.
I've made it loud and clear that I have no problem getting a full time job. He always says no, I really like that you stay home--everything goes so smoothly around here. Maybe I should remind his ass of that!
You should remind him of that!
A job would be a break. I enjoy my part time job so I can get a little breathing time.
I'm sorry that happened! Mine can be a total brat sometimes (and actually has been the last 2+ weeks--this was the first weekend in a while that he was really pleasant), so I totally feel for ya.
I say go swimming. It's totally what I would do if I was in your shoes.
my bookshelf!
Bloggy
I really wanted to tell him that his hand will suffice when I'm not in the mood. I'm not a piece of meat!
Go to your mom's, stay the night. He needs to chill out a little and reflect on how hurtful he's been, and he can't do that with you there. I'm sure your mom would be happy to see you
He's acting like a child because he didn't get what he wanted. He lashed out however he could (because we all know, being insulting and insufferable is so the way to get into bed with someone) and he needs to have some consequences for that. As I see it, you were defending yourself, and you needed to.
He needs to get the fark over himself.
I would have just told him that you both have physical needs that need to get met.... Even if you don't feel like it. So, if he would have taken the time to loosen you up with a back rub, I'm sure he would have gotten the sexy time that he needed.
I wouldn't make it a bigger deal than it is. He knows he could never lead the life you lead but it's hard for guys like him to be in relationships with independent women such as yourself because, you'd be just fine on your own and he knows it. lol Just hug it out... or have crazy, hate sex with him like Sookie and Bill on TrueBlood last night... DEAR LORD.
I would but I don't have another user name! I would post it under ConfessToday...(I was actually going to on this board) but the password got changed on it and I'm being too lazy to go look it up. Wanna post it under your SN? They don't know you!
I have an AE you could use....I set it up to call someone out over there and then decided that I didn't give a rat's @ss (thank God for the three day waiting period)....you could post under that if I can remember the user name and such.....
I like this too. Not that you need to do this but let him walk in your shoes for a week. I know he says he understands everything you do but whats a little wake up call every now and then lol? Leave the books, taxes, bills, cleaning, cooking, bathing, laundry washing to him for a week.
Ok, B, coming in late on this, but I wanted to add my two cents. I'm actually the breadwinner in our home by a bit, for what it's worth, and my earning potential is much higher than DH's.
I say that so I can say, I don't think this argument has much to do with $ at all. Keep in mind, please, than I'm neither a sole earner, or a SAHM. But, I think this feeling that "I'm doing more than you are" is a commonality, regardless of who is doing what to support the household (and SAHM parents work at least as much, in my opinion, as partnered working parents do, which is why I hope DH will SAHD at least part time.)
I think it stems more from feeling frustrated with your own lot than caring what your partner does.
For example, the weeks I work harder than others, I noticed that I'm more frustrated with DH for his "lack" of housework. Now, the man scrubs as many toilets and dishes as I do. But, the weeks I'm more frustrated with my own life, I notice his "shortcomings" a lot more. E.g., "We used those dishes 3 hours ago. How come they're not in the dishwasher yet???" I think he feels the same about me.
So, I'm DEFINITELY not saying have sex if you don't feel like it (please don't!) but my thought is that if an otherwise great man is being a jerk, there's probably a why----and it probably has little to do with you.
On days like those, I tell DH, "Here's the deal. There's no excuse for you being short with me. But, I know that's not your style. So, there must be something else going on. Do you want to chat?....or do you just need some alone time?"
Luckily, DH does the same to me, except he phrases it as, "Do you want to go for a walk?" (which is kind of our way of cooling down and relaxing together)
It's not cool to get to that point where you need a time out, but, if like us, doing so is really rare, so getting to the bottom of it is really important. Is it REALLY that T has a big head about his role...or is he feeling underappreciated (by someone at work, for example, not by you.) I think the answer to that question is the difference between being a jerk and being human.
My other thought is that our DH's aren't "the best" anything. Statistically, they just can't be. After all, are we really "the best" wives? So maybe change your language to "a really great husband/father" because after hearing "the best" for so long, it stops being meaningful. It just becomes rhetoric.
I don't know what happens in your house, but I don't thank DH (nor do I expect thanks) for things we should do anyway. If he puts his socks in the hamper, cool. I'm not going to make a big deal out of it, though, because he's an adult---he SHOULD put his socks in the hamper. If he cleans the house during the week that it's my turn to do so, though, it's steak and BJ time
and vice versa!