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Advice and long vent
Let me start off saying that I love my family very dearly and will do anything to help them, BUT they are crazy. There is always way too much drama going on and I always seem to be pulled into it as a mediator I guess because I live so far away. But lately the drama between my sister and my mom has gotten out of control. (Sorry but this is going to be kind of long but I will make it easier by using paragrpahs)
Quick backstory: Sister gets pregnant at 20 and has to move back home. Lives with mom and dad and planning on going back to school to get a degree and to start a career. Baby daddy is crazy and wants nothing to do w/baby. Mom and sister spend way too much time together and sister doesn't seem to pull her weight around the house.
So all that said.....they fight all the time. Yesterday I get a text from my sister saying that she can't stand living with my parents anymore and my mom is threatening to get a court order to kick my sister out of the house. (I don't think this will actually happen. People say things they don't actually mean when they are mad)
I told her that although she wants to move out she can't really afford that right now. She has a pt job for an after school program because its flexible with her college classes. So she is dependent on my parents eventhough she doesn't like it this is her life.
In November my mom is going to come up and get M for a couple of days because her daycare is closed for 3 days the week before Thanksgiving. We have no alternative babysitter plus it will give my parents time to spend w/M. But now with all of this going on DH and I don't feel comfortable having our child down there by herself.
I now have to tell my mom and sister that they need to straighten up or they can't have M during that week. DH and I had a long talk about this last night and I got really emotional because this is my family and they are acting like this. I guess I'm just embarassed because Dh's family is so calm and drama-free.
How can I tell my mom this without hurting her feelings? I don't want it to make a bigger mess. I really HATE confrontations so this is really bugging me.
Re: Advice and long vent
I am a nonconfontational person aswell. But in a situation like this you just need to be straight forward and honest with her. Your mom honeslty can't get mad (even though she probably will) beacuse you are looking out for your childs well-being.
Good luck!
I definately agree that you need to be straight forward with your mother on this issue. I would stress that the last thing you want to do is have M be uncomfortable there and not want to go back again.
I agree with pp. Just be straight with your mom. Tell her you don't want any part of the drama between her and your sister, and you don't want M to be around any of the arguing, either.
My sister went through something similar--griped about living at home, had problems with my parents (baby daddy lived with them, too). I was straight-up with my sister and told her she needed to be a bit more grateful (and helpful around the house) for what she has, and the help that she was getting from my parents. I explained she could go ahead and move out, but reality would bite her in the a** real hard of how good she had it while at home.
Being honest does not = being confrontational.
Just be honest with her. Being upfront now will cut down on some of the drama later on, I think.
As far as being embarrassed your family has drama. Girl, EVERY family has drama. I thought DH's family was perfect - Jesus - they are the most fvcked up people I have ever met. Just wait. It will all come out in due time.
This!
She runs an inhome daycare and she's only taking off that one day to fly up and turn around and fly back. If it wasn't during the school year she would stay up here in a heartbeat.