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Why do I feel like such a witch? LONG - sorry!
My DH...well he isn't so DH in this instant ~ let his best friend move in with us a few weeks before the wedding, he is still living here. I was @ work when it all happened and was not okay with him moving in. This entire time I have told H that I am not okay with him living with us. After many weeks of me telling H that BF needs to go, I had to tell him he was choosing his BF over his wife and kids - finally he has began to understand why I am not okay with him living with us. Finally a few weeks ago, H tells him he needs to go...well he is still here 3 weeks later.
We have full custody of H's 2 daughters - 11 and 12 years old ~ the youngest had to move into her sister's room while best friend sleeps on her bed. The girls either share a bed, one sleeps on the floor, or sleeps on our air mattress. The youngest one has ADD and needs her space sometimes, we have seen an increase in the girls' lying, the fighting, and the negative attitudes are horrible since he has been living here.
BF has never paid a penny for rent, utilities; he has bought laundry detergent one time and dinner twice. He drinks more soda than I drink in a month, coffee, beer, Crown my Dad had left here, etc. H finally asked him for some rent money a few weeks ago, for which his BF had no $ unless he could pay it with a credit card, but he left for a last minute weeks vacation to DC...really, no $ huh? He spit chewing tobacco in the sink in our living room, spits it on the floor in the room he is staying in, has his crap invading our garage, our patio, etc. He makes a mess of my clean house - spills and does not clean it up, and the list goes on. Sunday he takes my H's car - I found out when the girls and I were leaving for church his car was gone, we come home for having a girls day and he is smoking in my back lawn blowing the cigar smoke in my living room...I hate, hate, hate smoke. So I of course am already upset with him, and I start telling him the things that are upsetting me and I go to tell him he needs to move out 8 weeks ago and he starts crying and walks away. Now when I come home from work, he goes upstairs immediately, or will not come home til he knows I am asleep.
I have been stressed with work, and home - I contracted a bacterial infection in my colon and now a cold - I know it is because I cannot relax when I am here in my house and since he will not answer my phone calls, today he told me he couldn't talk - so I emailed him and told him he is to be out by Saturday. Why is it I feel like a witch? He has no job, quit his job, moved back to San Diego and is living off the system, has depression problems. I feel like we have been the good friends and let him stay here - but why is it I feel like a witch?
Sorry for the long vent.
Re: Why do I feel like such a witch? LONG - sorry!
Planning Bio - Woefully out of date
im sorry you're going through this.
you're not a witch! he's living off you guys and IMO is taking advantage of your generosity. you've tried the gentle nudge out the door to help him get back on his feet. i think it's about time for a firm kick in the ass. has your H told him to leave again? maybe it's time for an intervention.
and kudos to you for putting up with his smoking. i have ZERO tolerance for smoking in my home (lung cancer took 2 grandparents) and ive even told then BF (now DH) if he ever smoked he better be ready to call me his ex.
You're definitely not a witch. I would have lost my cool a long time ago. Especially when it's affecting the girls and your health and sanity. That's not okay.
Even if he's upset now, I'm sure in the future he'll realize how he took advantage of your hospitality was not okay.
Married
Taking Control:Updated 1/7
It may be a different story if the dude respected your stuff, your house, helped out, etc. But the fact that he doesn't do one nice thing to your belongings is ridiculous.
Don't feel like a witch. Your DH tried to help him out and now he's taking advantage and EVERYONE else is suffering. He needs to go!
Good luck!
My Planning Bio
You are definitely not a witch. You are just frustrated trying to do everything and help people out. And H is not supporting you or laying his foot down for these people to get the hell out.
You need to sit down & have a serious talk with H, even if you have to grab dinner out somewhere and tell him how you feel. Enough is enough. These people have clearly taken advantage of you and tell him how it is affecting your marriage, life together, etc.
I feel so sorry for you - you have been dealing with this for waaaay too long. I really hope something changes SOON!
My goodness. That's not witchy of you at all. Even if he was a good house guest and respectul and such, it's not ok for him to stay that long, IMO. Grown man needs to get outta his friend's house. The disrespect only compounds the problems. You shouldn't have to put up with that, and it's clearly not good for the kiddos.
Stick to your guns and stick to your ultimatum. I truly think it'll be best for everyone (BF included) if you do.
Finally...we are Mr. & Mrs.!!! WooHoo!!!
Planning Bio
Married Bio (Work In Progress)
You are not a witch AT ALL. Even if it were just adults, the situation is out of control. But it's beyond that. This is effecting the kids. When a situation effects the well-being of the children (including their mental and emotional well-being) then it needs to change yesterday. As a teacher, I can 100% tell you that I can almost always tell when there is a strain or change in the home.
I say good for you for taking the steps to remedy this.
Carter born 5/28/11
BFP 9/27/12 EDD 6/11/13, MC 9wks, no HB
Brooke- You have been more than accomodating. I would be more fed up at this point than anything else. I totally agree with Amber about the kids well-being. I'm glad you put your foot down, there just needs to be a follow-through and I think it needs to come from DH.
Jaimie
For Sale
My Blog:Life in the Glam Lane: Where curves are beautiful and made for fashion!
Planning
Married!
.::Hudson Valley Bio::.
Thanks ladies! He moved out yesterday while I was @ work! He still has a lot of stuff in the garage, patio, and in my living room - but he is gone! This morning the girls were so excited to have their own rooms and they were telling me all that they were going to do with their rooms today...sad I didn't kick him out earlier.
I had a long talk with H the past 2 weeks how I feel he let this happen. H is one of the sweetest people I have ever met - very caring about others...and this is the downfall.
Thanks for your support, you all made me feel better for standing up for our family.